Lillian: There's a new ice cream place over in Cloverdale. You think you can take yourself away from that school work long enough to get yourself a double scoop?
Dean: Is this a test? Like when you ask me if I want sugar in my grits?
Lillian: No, I'm not gonna spank you this time. This is for real.

Bruce: [to Dean] The army taught me how to kill a man in his sleep without making a sound.

Bruce: Mama, relax, okay? We'll do the dishes.
Lillian: Why, how thoughtful. You have been so helpful lately. Doing laundry, washing the car... I can't even get Dean to make his bed.
Dean: [quietly] Bruce is making us look bad.
Kim: Yeah, we need to have a little talk with him.
Adult Dean: Kim and I were rarely aligned on anything. It was nice to finally have a united front.
Kim: Has anyone ever told you that shirt makes you look like Peppermint Patty?
Adult Dean: Well, it was fun while it lasted.

Kim: Hang on, G.I. Jo-Jo. We need to talk. Things have changed around here since you've been gone.
Dean: Yeah. [broom thuds] Kim and I have come up with a system.
Bruce: System?
Kim: Mama gives us a chore. We do it quickly and poorly.
Dean: She comes in, sees it...
Kim: And it drives her crazy, 'cause you know how it all has to be perfect.
Dean: Then she says [as Lillian] "Move, boy." [normal voice] And then does it for us.
Kim: And then I get to talk on the phone with my friends.
Dean: And I get to go watch TV.
Kim: And everybody's happy.

[Dean gasps as he wakes up in the middle of the night with Bruce knocking on his bedroom window]
Bruce: Shh. Shh. [whispers] Unlock the window.
Adult Dean: Well, well. The man who'd been bossing me around missed his curfew and needed my help getting back in our room. Hmm.
Bruce: [whispers] Unlock the window.
Adult Dean: But you know what? He was a good brother. And I knew Mom and Dad would be furious if they caught him.
Dean: [quietly] I'm sleeping.
Bruce: Dean. Dean! Dean! I'm gonna kill you, Dean. Dean!

Bruce: And don't worry, I won't be asking for any handouts... except can I borrow the car to meet up with Tammy?
Bill: Uh-huh.
Lillian: Son, just make sure you're back before midnight, baby.
Coach Long: What? Y'all still got this boy on curfew?
Bruce: Nah, it's... it's okay, Mr. Long. Midnight's fine. In Vietnam, we were in our jammies by then, so... [laughter]

Bruce: Well, it seems like you could take all the energy you put into your system and just do the chores. [Kim shakes her head] Come on. Let's get started.
Kim: No. You're not the boss.
Bruce: You're right. Mom is. Want me to tell her about your system?
Adult Dean: Dang. Duped by a knock-off Tito Jackson.

Adult Dean: My Dad started teaching music to college kids after I was born. At first, it was temporary, to pay the bills for his growing family. But over time, he grew to enjoy it. And all his years of hard work and boring committee meetings finally paid off when he was granted tenure. Tonight, we celebrate him.
Lillian: [glass clinks] To my wonderful husband, Bill, or as he'll now be known... Professor Williams! [cheers and laughter]
Bruce: Professor Williams!
Cory: So, uh, Mr. Williams, are you rich now?
Vivian: Oh, Cory! You don't ask people that. That's rude.
Coach Long: Oh, no, no, no. Now... Now I wanna know now. Um, we talking pinky-up money or pinky-down money?

Bill: Well, it does come with a small pay bump. [all cheering and laughing]
Kim: Enough to get me my own phone line?
Lillian: That would be a gift to us all, but no.
Dean: What about a dirt bike?
Bill: You already have a bike. You can ride it in the dirt. [laughter]

Lillian: Well, you know, the best thing about Bill getting tenure isn't the money. It's the new-found freedom. He may even have a chance to take a semester off and go on sabbatical.
Bill: And I will, one day. But first, I have to devote myself to my band again, maybe finally go on that tour we've been talking about.
Lillian: Of course. I'm sure there'll be time for all of that. Maybe we can go on tour with you. [laughter]
Coach Long: I mean, nothing says "hard-core funk" like a station wagon filled with your wife and kids.
Lillian: [laughter] I think that sounds nice.