Coach Long: You know what, Lil? Uh, I was thinking on the way to the car, and, um, this ain't right. No, no. No, this ain't right. Mr. Davidson!
Lillian: Uh.
Coach Long: No, no, no, let... let... let... Let me handle this. Okay? Man-to-man.
Lillian: Cliff...
Coach Long: Mr. Davidson!
Mr. Davidson: Yes, Cliff?
Coach Long: We cannot let this woman leave. Okay? She is too vital of an asset to this company.
Mr. Davidson: Uh, Cliff, I don't think you under...
Coach Long: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. L-Listen to me. We need to give her whatever she needs to make her stay. Hell, she can have my parking spot.
Dean: Oh, he... he doesn't know that...
Mr. Davidson: Fine, Cliff. She gets your spot. Welcome back. [exits]
Coach Long: You're welcome. [runs after Davidson] Uh, uh, M-Mr. Davidson? Uh, I'm... I'm sorry. I...
Lillian: All that, even without wearing a dress.

Lillian: All right, everybody, thank you for your opinions, but I've made my decision. I'm going to wear the dress. But I'll tell them I'm bringing my husband so they know I won't put up with any funny business.
Bill: I won't turn down a meal on someone else's expense account.

Dean: Totally get how you feel, Mama, but when Broderick said he liked my Green Lantern T-shirt, it was no big deal.
Kim: Stop trying to act like you understand anything.
Dean: I understand plenty. You don't understand.
Kim: That is so stupid.
Dean: You're stupid!
Bill: That's enough, you two.

Cory: Well, I'll be there. You gotta have the guy with the mustache at your party.
Hampton: I'll be there, too, but promise me the lights will be on the whole time because "When the lights dim, there's sin."

Adult Dean: Look at me throwing a cool party with cool kids. Would it be better if Keisa was my date and not Broderick's?
Sure. Am I still glad she's here, though? Damn skippy. Did I hide the strand of her hair I have taped on my desk? No, I better go do that.

Kim: Now, back to the subject on the table... The futility of violence.
Ernest: I was saying Vietnam is the first American war that can truly be considered immoral.
Bruce: Wait, what... what do you mean "immoral"?
Kim: Um, this is my brother Bruce. He's on his way out.
Ernest: It's obviously immoral. I just read an editorial in the Montgomery Gazette. Makes a pretty convincing case. It says that...
Bruce: Well, I was just in Vietnam for two years, so if you want to know what's really happening, we can talk.

Adult Dean: I couldn't believe Franklin snuck beer into the party. Didn't they know 12-man Parcheesi was going to be hard enough without being intoxicated to boot? The gall.

Latonya: It's time to get this party started. Where's the make-out room?
Dean: Make-out room? I d... I didn't know... I didn't... I... I... I... I didn't think that...
Latonya: It's cool. We'll just use one of the bedrooms.
Dean: Uh, uh, um, excuse me, hey, can... can... Can you just stay out of my mom and dad's room and my sister's? [door opens] Uh, how about we all just stay down here where it's... safe?
Franklin: We need some more kicks. You think the kid who lives here will mind if we took some of his dad's booze?
Dean: I'm the kid who lives here, and, yes, I do mind!
Franklin: Geez, just asking.
Hampton: It was nice that he asked.

Kim: Okay, Bruce has said his piece. Now let's let him get back to his stuff in... any other room but this one.
Ernest: It's unfair to draft people and force them to fight a w*r that has nothing to do with them.
Bruce: This war affects all of us. If communism gets a foothold there, who knows where it goes next?

Franklin: Hey, don't tell the kid who lives here, but I'm finna boost some of that whiskey.
Dean: Again, I'm the kid who lives here.
Franklin: [chuckles] Sorry, man. You have one of those easy-to-forget faces. Don't worry. I know how to take a little bit without letting anybody find out.