Pam: So, I've been thinking about this whole chair/copier thing.
Jim: Uh-huh.
Pam: I really think you should reconsider.
Jim: Oh, Pam, I really hate that copier.
Pam: Yeah, I know. But I really think you should reconsider.
Jim: Beesly, are you threatening me?
Pam: Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. [whispering] But you should know you're on very dangerous ground.

Andy: Uh, Dwight, if we pay extra could you slaughter the entrees the day before?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'll consider it.
Andy: See? That's how you do it! Making progress here. [Andy steps in manure] Darn!
Dwight K. Schrute: There's a hose out back.
Andy: Okay.

Andy: What is this? All right. We're all on the same team. Is it- [Andy steps in manure again] Damn, why is that in the kitchen?

Dwight K. Schrute: Here's another place. It's beautiful. So... Why don't we try this out? We'll see what would happen. Give it a little test drive. What do you say? You pretend to be Angela's father. You will play Angela, and I'll pretend to be you. That way you can see what it looks like when you're up here.
[Andy starts whistling Pachelbel's "Canon in D"]
Andy: Hello, I'm Angela Martin. And I work with Dwight.
Andy: I'm Andy.
Dwight K. Schrute: He doesn't understand a word you're saying. Although born just minutes from here, he speaks only German. Closed society.

Dwight K. Schrute: So, now, after the readings by all of your sisters, we will arrive at the vows. So, Konrad... [Dwight speaks German to the minister. The minister then begins speaking in German] And away we go. This is a little taste of the ceremony, if you will. He's explaining why we're here, what we're doing here, making introductions, blah blah blah... Then he's gonna have Andy repeat a bunch of stuff. He's gonna ask Andy to produce a ring. I have uh, now just uh... just some twine for our purposes, and you will put the ring on her finger. Yadda yadda, then he's going to ask Andy, uh, if he would like to marry Angela. And you will reply, "I do." And then he's going to ask Angela if she would like to marry Andy, to which you will reply...
Angela: I do.
Dwight K. Schrute: And there we go. Okay, and that's just about it. Man and wife.

Michael Scott: Well, we have a surplus. Imagine that your parents give you money for a lemonade stand-
Hank: I know what a surplus is.
Michael Scott: Okay, good. Good. Well, here's the thing. Some people want to use the surplus to buy a new copier. Other people are complaining about the chairs.
Hank: Is that the copier?
Michael Scott: It is, yes.
Hank: Mmm.
Michael Scott: What?
Hank: Just thinking. Let me see a chair.
Pam: You can try mine.
Michael Scott: There we go.
Hank: Huh. Not much lumbar support.
Michael Scott: Now, everyone, bear in mind once again that whatever Hank says goes. He is an impartial third party.
Hank: On the one hand, this copier is very old. You should see some of the new copiers they have. You would not believe what they do.
Michael Scott: So the copier.
Hank: Let me finish. Now the chairs. The chairs are very weak. Very weak chairs. I could not sit all day in this chair.
Michael Scott: Well, what should I do?
Hank: Let me see the copier again.
Michael Scott: All right, get out. Get out.

Angela: Dwight, I thought I knew what I wanted. And then being here with you and the German Mennonite minister, it just all felt right. I made a mistake picking Andy.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know you did. And that's why I have taken care of everything.
Angela: What do you mean?
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, monkey, he's a real minister. And you said, "I do." And I said, "I do." And Andy wasn't signing a receipt. He was signing our marriage certificate as a witness.
Angela: Dwight! That doesn't count!
Dwight K. Schrute: Of course it does.
Angela: No, it doesn't!
Dwight K. Schrute: It does in the state of Pennsylvania. Mrs. Schrute.
Angela: We are not married. Take this thing.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's not my fault you don't understand German. I've been telling you to take if for years!

Michael Scott: I have made my decision. We do not need a new copier. We do not need new chairs. [making a copy] This copier is working perfectly.
Oscar: That's the original.
Michael Scott: Pam, would you stand up for a sec? [sitting down in Pam's chair] See how relaxed I am? I like this chair. Offers good support. It is erkel-nomically correct. It's a good chair. I think we're spoiled because we don't appreciate the things that we have. You think kids in Africa have chairs? No, they sit in big piles of garbage.
Do you think they have copiers? They don't have copiers. They don't even- [standing up] God! They don't even have paper. And we are spoiled because we throw out perfectly good tiramisu because it has a little tiny hair on it. My point is this. I have seen the light in terms of what we need and it is nothing.

Oscar: Do you know?
Michael Scott: Do I know what?
Oscar: I think you know.
Michael Scott: No.
Pam: Know what?
Phyllis: Yeah, know what?
Oscar: Does anyone happen to know what 15% of 4,300 is?
Michael Scott: $645.
Kevin: Michael's a genius.
Oscar: Why did you say dollars?
Michael Scott: Because that is how my mind works.
Oscar: What's 15% of 200? [Michael is silent] Thank you. Everyone, Michael is returning the surplus so he can keep 15% as a bonus.

Michael Scott: No, I don't- This doesn't change anything. I have a very important decision to make. We need a new copier. We need new chairs. And I need to figure out a way to keep this money without having everybody hate me.