Pam: Why don't you talk to him about it?
Jim: And say what? "Hey Deangelo, are you shy or just a sexist?"
Pam: Why don't you just tell him how his actions are being perceived by the women in this office?
Jim: Mmm-hmm.
Andy: And if he doesn't listen, then he can kiss his penis goodbye. Snip snip. Am I right, girls?

Pam: So, Jordan, uh, where did you work before? Uh, a law office?
Jordan: No, Anthropology. "We don't have this in that size..." Pretty lame.
Kelly: Lame? You worked at Anthropology?
Jordan: Yeah.
Kelly: That's like my dream job. How did you even get that job?
Jordan: Well, I um-
Kelly: You chose this job over that job?
Ryan: Okay, okay, back to work, Kelly, we have a lot to get done today.

Andy: Yes! I'm in.
Angela: Andy, what are you doing?
Andy: I'm going in, into the belly of the beast. Gonna infiltrate and change from within. What's up mancave? [barking]

Andy: Okay, I do not want to waste your time, so I will keep this br-r-r-r--ief. Now, word on the street is, Mercy Hospital, back on the market. Deangelo would like you to put together a sales pitch for next week. Deangelo has also recently learned about the Barnacle Project. Which is a non-profit organization based in Mystic, Connecticut that assists in the scraping of barnacles-
[aside to camera:]
Jim: So this is my life. Until I win the lottery [laughs]. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.
[separately to camera:]
Pam: So one afternoon, while walking home from school, quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes... The Horse Flyer.

Erin: Deangelo?
Deangelo: [gibberish]
Jim: Oh my God, are you alright? Erin, will you call 911 please?
Erin: Who should I say is calling?
Jim: Erin.

Pam: Hey, it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun, but it's really loud, and some of us are trying to work, so do you think you could do it a little more quietly?
Gabe: Well, that's gonna be tough, because we're getting a dunking clinic from Magic Jordan himself.
Deangelo: Oh, you mean Michael Jordan?
Gabe: [laughs] Total brain burp.

Deangelo: Is this true, Ryan?
Ryan: I did not see Rango.
Deangelo: Okay, I don't have time for this he said-she said.
Kelly: He's not saying anything!
Deangelo: It's too murky. I like Ryan. You seem kind of hysterical to me. Ryan's your supervisor. Let's just leave it that way.
Kelly: That's not fair, I mean, I've been working here for such a long ti-
Ryan: [sighs] Oh, close call! Okay, why don't you just finish this up and leave it on my desk and I will see you at your place around 2 am.

Deangelo: So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are comin', and they're comin' fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it, alright? I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at 5. Change number one: Darryl. per your request, the company is sending you to business school at night. Full ride. Deal with it.
Darryl: Seriously?
Deangelo: Stone cold seriously.
[aside to camera:]
Deangelo: They are trying to figure me out. And I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker and who is simply a good mind reader. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care.

Deangelo: Change two, Toby, you're gettin' a new chair.
Toby: Thanks.
Deangelo: Don't thank me! Hey, don't thank me, guy! Okay? And I don't care if you like it.
Oscar: These sound like good ideas, why wouldn't we like them?
Deangelo: I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream. You either like it or you don't. [Andy nods] That's my attitude right now in this room. That's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Clear? Any questions?
Kevin: This all sounds great to me. ... But I could see how some people might think that they're bad. I don't know what to think.
Deangelo: That is a s- Astute observation, Kevin.
[aside to camera:]
Deangelo: Kev's got me pegged. [chuckles]

Deangelo: It blows away Vermont in the fall.
Darryl: Snap, for real?
Pam: Good morning, Deangelo.
Deangelo: Hold on.
Pam: Okay.
Deangelo: [continuing to talk to Darryl] And if you're really serious, you should go in the spring.
Pam: Because of the flowers.
Deangelo: No. Because the entire state smells like earth.
Pam: Dogwoods, or just the Earth.
Deangelo: Yes, Pam.