Deangelo: No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.

Kelly: What?
Ryan: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Kelly: Why should I pretend that you are my boss?
Ryan: Because what would you have done in that situation, Kelly? I'll tell you what I would have done for you. I'd lie for you.
Kelly: Yeah, but you lie all the time. You lie for no reason. Ryan, you just like to lie.
Ryan: I'd die for you too.
Kelly: You really would?
Ryan: [hears Deangelo entering] Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future at the company!
Kelly: Sure thing, Mr. Howard.
Deangelo: Woo. Glad he's not my boss.
Ryan: [whispers to Kelly] You're the best. Thank you.

Deangelo: You know what... straight up, why don't you like me?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay?
Deangelo: Oh... no.
Dwight K. Schrute: What?
Deangelo: Okay? I'm gonna win you over.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, you're not.
Deangelo: Yes I am.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Oh, yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Deangelo: Yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes [running out of the break room] yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!

Kelly: [on the phone] Mom, Ryan's taking us out to dinner tonight. No, no, he's not going to stand us up like he did last time. He won't ever stand us up again.
[later, both talking to camera:]
Ryan: So I am the new customer service supervisor.
Kelly: When Deangelo's around.
Ryan: And I am also a very dutiful boyfriend when...
Kelly: All the time.
Ryan: All the time.

Deangelo: Erin, do you mind running down to the lobby and bringing up my brand new executive assistant?
Erin: Absolutely.
Jim: Hey, who'd you end up hiring?
Deangelo: Oh, I'm glad you asked, Jim. Because apparently there's a rumor running around here that I am a sexist. I can't work here effectively if you guys think I'm something that I am not. I am not a sexist. Raise your hand if you have a vagina. Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Just about everyone. What about Deangelo's hand? Oh, wow. He's got 'em both up. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah, so it bothers me when I hear that there's gossip around here that I treat women lesser than men. Okay? Frankly, we all look a little ridiculous when that happens.
Phyllis: I'm not a feminist, but I think that the men in this office are being given chances that the women aren't.
Deangelo: Dwight, what's your take?
Dwight K. Schrute: What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.
Deangelo: Man, you are smart.

Jordan: Dwight? Deangelo wanted me to ask you if there's anything I can help you with.
Dwight K. Schrute: Really? Anything.
Jordan: Do you need anything?
Dwight K. Schrute: Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone.