Michael Scott: What do you wanna do for dinner?
Jan: How 'bout Chinese?
Michael Scott: We should really try to save some money. Get something cheap.
Jan: That was my cheap suggestion. Chinese was my cheap suggestion.
Michael Scott: Wanna do fast food?
Jan: Fine. Fast food's fine.

[After Pam hands Michael a Post-it note with a hot dog saying "Hey Buddy"]
Michael Scott: This is a very important client. But I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss. So I'll call him back-
Ryan: No. Customer service is obviously priority one. You take the call.
Michael Scott: N- No, money isn't everything, Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't wanna be rude.
Ryan: Take the call, friend.
Michael Scott: I refuse. No. My house, my rules, I insist.
Ryan: I insist you take your work calls.
Michael Scott: Okay. All right, Pam, would you put the call through. [Pam presses a few buttons on the phone] Hiya, buddy.

Michael Scott: Tell 'em how much you're gonna get if you win.
Jan: Michael, that's tacky.
Michael Scott: $1 million!
Jan: That's 4 million.
Michael Scott: $4 million! Man! That is a lot of guacamole. Lot of the green. Lotta green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers.
Jan: Oh.
Michael Scott: And I've also thrown in some ers and ahs just to make it seem like it's not memorized. Perfect crime.
Jan: Stop saying ridiculous things. He's gonna tell the truth. The truth is very, you know, complicated. So we went over it carefully, and just not to leave anything up to chance or Michael's judgment.

Kelly: What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping-pong?
Pam: Hi, Kelly.
Kelly: Guess whose boyfriend it is?
Pam: I don't wanna guess.
Kelly: I'll give you a hint. It's not my boyfriend. I think it's the guy over here.

Diane Kelly: Hi, everyone, Diane Kelly. I'm the company's chief legal counsel.
Michael Scott: Hi. [seeing Toby] No, no. Absolutely not. What is he doing here? Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?
Toby: Michael, I'm your H.R. rep. I'm on your side.
Michael Scott: Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.

Mr. Schneider: Now, Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position?
Michael Scott: Come again? That's what she said.
Mr. Schneider: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jan: If I may, he was just telling a joke before. So can we move on to another question?

Mr. Schneider: What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination?
Michael Scott: Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.
Mr. Schneider: Interesting. How so?
Michael Scott: Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to H.R. and I have the proof right here! [gasps]

Michael Scott: Can I sit here?
Toby: You know, I I know a little bit about what you're going through, in a way. Um. When I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody. And they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know. I didn't want them to get divorced in the first place. I loved them both so much. I just wanted- [Michael pushes Toby's tray off the table.]

Michael Scott: I'm really upset about this.
Jan: All right, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer. You e-mailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even.
Michael Scott: Fine. I love you.
Jan: I love you too.

Pam: So should I schedule the rematch with Darryl now?
Jim: I'm ready. I'll make the call.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait a minute. Darryl is the client? Oh, no, no. He works here, dumb-ass.
Jim: Right.