Michael Scott: How late do we have to work tonight?
Gabe: You never know with Jo. Sometimes we're here til midnight. Sometimes she doesn't show up for three days.
Michael Scott: Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just tell you what your schedule is?
Gabe: Yeah, that would be awesome. I could get a girlfriend. Wouldn't have to go to Amsterdam seven times a year. But uh, I'm young, right? I will date when I'm dead!
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Do I really want to turn out like Gabe? Twenty-six. Single. Tied to my desk. No life, no family. I want to have been married by the time I would've turned thirty. That's just- That's just depressing.

Michael Scott: Hey there. So I think I'm done. Gonna head out. Unless you want to chat. Like we were doing earlier.
Jo: Well there's chatting time and there's working time. I'm still on working time.
Michael Scott: Mm? Well, the clock says chatting time, so.
Jo: Well, if you feel like you've done a solid days work...
Michael Scott: Right. What?
Jo: Well, I mean, if you can put your name on this day, and be proud of the amount of work you've done, then, by all means, you should toodle on home.

Meredith: Stop fighting. Just on St Patrick's Day, okay? Just one perfect day a year. No hassles, no problems, no kids.
Ryan: Why no kids?
Kelly: Yeah, where are your kids?
Meredith: Nope. Nuh-uh. Not today!

Michael Scott: [Irish accent] Hello. Hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra! Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day.

Dwight K. Schrute: Dweedle Dee and Dweedle Dumb-ass have been away on maternity leave. Now Dweedle Dumb-ass is back, and we have a problem. Yes, getting hooked on Mega-Desk was my own damn fault. But ... I don't care about assigning blame. All I care about is Mega-Desk. That is all I care about. Getting. More. Mega-Desk.

Michael Scott: Let's follow the chain of events. Jo likes Michael. Jo invites Michael to house. Jo doesn't like Michael anymore. Hmm.

Jim: [on the phone] And I'm actually pleased to be able to offer you printer cartridges and toner now.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispers] Oh Jim, Jim! Sorry to bother you.
Jim: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: My headphones are broken.
Jim: Right.
Dwight K. Schrute: Can I listen to my music at a low volume?
Jim: Yeah, that's great. Great.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay? [Unplugs cord, sings] "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue-"
Jim: When's the last time you upgraded your printer?
Dwight K. Schrute: "-and the man in the moon. When you coming home Dad? I don't know when-"
Jim: [whispers] Please stop that!
Dwight K. Schrute: "-But we'll be together then-"
Jim: Can you grow up?
Dwight K. Schrute: "-Dad, you know we'll have a good time then."

Kevin: Just because Jo has no life, does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives. Oscar has a life. I think Ryan has a life. This is outrageous.

Michael Scott: Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre? I don't know. There is a chance. Yes. I tell you I love my job. But Jo wants me to put on a show for her, and pretend to work late? Nah. I spent all day, trying to make her like me, and I forgot to ask myself something: Do I even like her? As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin says, "Don't worry, be happy."

Dwight K. Schrute: What the hell is this?
Jim: Oh!
Dwight K. Schrute: This is not Mega-Desk.
Jim: No, it's not. They call it Quad-Desk.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's ridiculous, this is made up of three desks.
Jim: Oh my God. We're going to have to re-name it then aren't we? [Dwight's phone rings. He crawls into a spacer under Jim's Quad-Desk]
Dwight K. Schrute: [answering phone] Hello, Dwight Schrute?