Andy: Hey! Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attack!
Robert: Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are a laborer.

Darryl: [in the bathroom with Robert] Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive.
[later:]
Meredith: [talking to Robert] Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps.
[aside to camera:]
Robert: What am I up to?

Andy: I've decided to pre-screen all the Halloween costumes this year. I have three simple rules: Don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously.

Kevin: The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life.
Andy: Whoa! Oh, spoiler alert.
Kevin: It's been out for ages, man.
Andy: Costume vetoed.

Kelly: Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's called a costume.
Kelly: What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman?
Dwight K. Schrute: Ryan, will you please tell her who I am?
Ryan: Whoopi Goldberg.
Dwight K. Schrute: Has no one here heard of Kerrigan from Starcraft? Queen of blades? It's all Toby's fault.

Toby: Every Halloween I tell him the same thing: You can't bring weapons into the office, and every year he says the same thing. As soon as I get my weapons back I'm gonna kill you. But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know. I'm a lucky turkey.

Bert: Very low pressure in the Sargasso Sea, warm air from South America, cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, perfectly mediocre.
Bert: What are you, anyway?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm a Jamaican zombie woman. Leave me alone, ghoul.
Bert: If you had some really big wings with blades on the end, you'd kind of look like Kerrigan from Starcraft.
Dwight K. Schrute: Damnit. I am Kerrigan from Starcraft! I've been censored.
Bert: If you're going to be a Zerg, at least be a Lurker, not some girl.
Dwight K. Schrute: Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg swarm!
Bert: Yeah, she also has boobs.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, but no nipples.

Pam: Dwight are you eating a stick?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a root you idiot.
Bert: Everyone hates you.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's really rude. I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true.
Bert: What do you like? Tornadoes?
Dwight K. Schrute: Try influenza.
Bert: Oh, yeah? What's the vaccine you can take to avoid a hurricane?
Dwight K. Schrute: Open up a newspaper. Oh, look a hurricane's coming. I suppose you're going to tell me the scariest animal is a shark?
Bert: Try a box jelly fish.

Gabe: The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

Phyllis: Is she Asian?
Erin: I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest.
Phyllis: Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest?
Erin: I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city.