Michael Scott: Okay, press conference in 45. Dwight, make sure this place looks nice.
Dwight K. Schrute: On it. Okay, Karen, Ryan, Pam, center stage. Pam, run a comb through your hair.

[each on the phone]
Kevin: Sir- Yes, you have a valid point and I'm sorry. Yes. No, I am so sorry.
Oscar: Really? Dixon City? I have an aunt in Carbondale.
Angela: Excuse me? Well, I don't see how that's our fault. And I've already told you the official position of Dunder Mifflin is apologetic, so I don't know what you want from me.

Kelly: Okay, first, I just want to say that you are doing so good. Look, you have so many good qualities, that the one that you might want to work on is apologizing.

Michael Scott: And so, with the eyes of the nation upon us, I would like to say that Dunder Mifflin truly regrets this unfortunate incident. And as a gesture of gratitude for your continued loyalty, Mrs. Allen, I would like to present you with this novelty check for six months of free paper or 25 reams, whichever comes first.
[Dwight takes a picture on his flip-phone]
Dwight K. Schrute: You look good in this.
Michael Scott: So, let us consider this matter ended.
Mrs. Allen: Well, it isn't ended. I'm very angry. I could have lost business.
Michael Scott: I know. I know you are angry and we are truly, truly sorry.
Mrs. Allen: I don't accept your apology. The watermark was obscene and horrifying.
Michael Scott: Well, we are extremely sorry.
Mrs. Allen: I don't accept.

Michael Scott: What can I do for you?
Mrs. Allen: All right. For starters, I think that you should resign.
Michael Scott: Okay. Well, wasn't really my fault. The guys at the paper mill-
Mrs. Allen: You're the head-
Michael Scott: The guy at the paper mill's- No, no, no.
Mrs. Allen: You're the head of the company!
Michael Scott: I'm the head of the company?
Mrs. Allen: Yes, and that makes it your responsibility-
Michael Scott: No, I'm a regional manager!
Mrs. Allen: -and so you should lose your job!
Michael Scott: No. What? Okay. This is insane. You can get out of here. Get out. That's insane.
Mrs. Allen: Fine.

Michael Scott: I will give this to somebody who will appreciate it.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's not-transferable.
Michael Scott: Doesn't matter. Out please.
Mrs. Allen: I'm calling the Better Business Bureau!
Michael Scott: Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Biatch Hotline! [to the reporter] Did you get all that?
Chad Lite: Everything.

Pam: Michael likes me to run the camera when he makes his apology videos. He says he needs a woman's touch.

Jim: You want music?
Andy: I don't care.
Jim: Come on, man. Just give it a couple of days. I think you'll be all right.
Andy: Yeah.
[Jim starts singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"]
Andy: You know what? I don't-
[Andy joins in]
Andy: Sweet.

Andy: What the- Why is my girlfriend here?
Jim: Oh, she that teacher in the white?
Andy: No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef.
Jim: Which one is she?
Andy: The one in the green hoodie.
Jim: Wow.
Andy: I wonder if she's like a guidance counselor or something.
Jim: No. I don't think so.
Andy: She's, like, probably a tutor-
Jim: Nope.
Andy: She probably teaches-
Jim: No.
Andy: There's no-

Andy: Oh, my God!
Jim: Oh, my God.
Andy: I had no idea.
Jim: Well, that's not going to hold up in court.
Andy: We didn't do anything illegal. Except knock over a mailbox with her friends.