Dwight K. Schrute: Let's talk pubes, people.

Nellie: Oh, that was tragic, Oh, that was like a car crash. I couldn't look away. You two clearly still have feelings for each other.
Darryl: Yeah.
Phyllis: What's gonna make you feel better, big guy?
Darryl: When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake when I wasn't feeling good. She's not around to do that anymore. I'm sorry, I just need a moment to myself just to clear my head. [walks away]
Nellie: Aw, poor Darryl. I can't bear to see him suffer like this.
Kevin: I think he needs some hugs, and maybe some chocolate cake.
Phyllis: Mmm, this won't help him. It's a muffin, not cake.

Creed: Hey, uh, mayo buddy, five dollar tip, you unclog my ears. Okay?
Erin: Oh, Creed, I'm so sorry. I'm...I'm already partners with Pete, right Pete?
Pete: Uh, yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up. Sorry, man.

Oscar: [Angela is slapping mayo on Oscar's head] Angela.
Angela: You don't want bugs. You know? Who knows where those bugs will end up?

Meredith: [putting mayo on Stanley's head] You're getting a bargain. I ain't got no hair no more.

Oscar: Ow!
Angela: Sorry.
Oscar: You're waterboarding me!
Angela: Oops.

Val: Okay.
Darryl: Huh?
Val: Let's give it a shot. Let's make it work.
Darryl: Oh, no. I mean, I want to, I just...I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do.
Val: You're not. I believe in us.
Darryl: But... [Val kisses Darryl]
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: I'm back together with Val. [unconvicing] Yay!

Pam: [leaving a voicemail for Jim] Hey honey, it's me. Just trying to catch you before going home. Um, oh, well just give me a call whenever. Hope your day got better. Love you.
Meredith: Hey, what you doing right now?
Pam: Oh, I'm just gonna go home. My mom's been watching the kids all day.
Meredith: Let her stay another hour. Let's go get a beer.
Pam: Really? A beer sounds incredible right now.
Meredith: No duh. Let's go. You're buying.

Pam: Meredith, I am so sorry about today.
Meredith: Forget about it.
Pam: I just did not realize how hard it was gonna be without Jim. I mean, I really respect you for being a single mom all these years. It whipped my ass in half a week. I have to say, there are not a lot of people who could pull off a shaved head, but you are rocking it.
Meredith: Right. I got the bartender's phone number when you were in the john. I'm gonna take that freak to bone town before the night is over.
Pam: Get it, girl!