Pam: [answering phone] Hello?
Helene: [on speaker phone] Hi, honey, it's mom. Look, Cece's school just called. She still has lice.
Pam: What? No. That can't- I don't...
Helene: Now, don't worry, don't worry. I'm on my way to pick her up, but you might have lice too. You know, lice can be tricky. Sometimes lice, like... [Pam eventually hangs up]
Angela: Oh my God.
Meredith: Shave her head. Shave her head!

Dwight K. Schrute: I had a pretty good day today. Not everything went exactly according to plan, but lice if you are watching, I am ready for you anytime, anywhere. [After Dwight gets into his car, another insecticide grenade goes off]

Pam: Alright, let's give her a break. We don't know for sure this is Meredith's fault.
Oscar: Pam, really? Come on.

Pam: Guys, I think we should all ease up on Meredith. This has got to be hard for her.
Angela: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I have not yet begun to shame.

Stanley: That's it. I'm getting my stuff. I'm leaving for the day.
Erin: No! Stanley! If you leave now then you'll get it in your car and then you'll get it in your house! [Erin jumps on Stanley's back]
Stanley: Get off me!
Erin: I'm trying to save you from yourself!
Stanley: Alright, I'll stay. There's a pencil poking in my rolls.

Pam: Maybe it was Meredith. Maybe she brought in lice that are totally different than the lice that i got from Cece. So let's not jump to the simplest conclusion that she got her lice from me. That is how wars get started. Fine, I'll tell her it was me.

Pam: I am going to tell her, but now is clearly not the time. I will buy her a wig, we'll have a few laughs. There's a right way to do this.

Dwight K. Schrute: Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers. One thing is clear, it's kill or be killed!
Erin: No, no. It's more of a nuisance really. It's not that big a deal. So, I collected your hats and your coats...
Dwight K. Schrute: To be burned!
Erin: To be washed.
Angela: What do we do about our heads?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not gonna lie. Lye!
Erin: No, all we need is mayonnaise.
Angela: Excuse me?
Pam: She's right, it works. I would imagine.
Erin: Yes, it helps to suffocate the little buddies and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos.
Oscar: I can appreciate that. I also only eat local, organic produce.

Meredith: Shaboom! How do you like me now!?
Angela: Oh.
Oscar: Wow.
Meredith: Take a picture. It will last longer.
Angela: We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible.
Creed: Bald people make me sick.

Pam: Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I'm at the store, candy, or... or one of those stylish turbans?
Meredith: Thanks, Pam. I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.
Pam: Okay.