Robert: I am loving the chemistry between you two.
Nellie: I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George.
Robert: I bet. I'm excited.
Nellie: Trick! There's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah!
Nellie: I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either.

Darryl: Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year?
Andy: Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice.
Darryl: I'll put you down for shortbreads.
Andy: Damn it.

Toby: [to Andy] Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some?
Darryl: No. No.
Toby: What?
Darryl: I been selling here for five years. This is my spot.
Toby: You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? Or chess club, or?

Dwight K. Schrute: The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre [Nellie emerges from behind Dwight]
Dwight & Nellie: to the power of two.
Nellie: How did that look?
Gabe: I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen.
Dwight K. Schrute: [to Nellie] I told you.
Todd: When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hmm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. [to Nellie] You'd spin off right. I'd spin off-
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper.

Darryl: [to Kevin] What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago.
Phyllis: [laughs] Yeah.
Kevin: That's true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby's probably in bed with some model.
Darryl: Thank you.
Toby: I'm- I'm not gonna comment on my personal life.

Dwight K. Schrute: Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rear-view mirror. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she's a slu- Ah![Jim tackles Dwight]

Dwight K. Schrute: Help! Help! [Jim tries to cover Dwight's mouth]
Jim: Gross! Don't lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva?
Dwight K. Schrute: All I had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest.

Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Hi. This is Alex.
Toby: [in feminine voice] And this is Sam.
Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us.
Kevin: Perfect! Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day.
Darryl: I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens.
Toby: Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names.
Kevin: Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony?

Robert: What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution.
Todd: If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Schrute.
Robert: I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.
Nellie: Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes. But not the man. You may not cancel his soul.
Robert: That was never on the table.
Toby: [to Nellie] Are you kidding? [to Robert] She's the queen of the whole freaking magilla!
Robert: And yet Todd, it's you who's fired.

Andy: I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure.
Oscar: I am dying to know what's in there.
Andy: Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane. [everyone turns to Creed]
Creed: Hi, hello.