Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.

Michael Scott: To recoup their losses, I am planning a little charity auction. Where people from all over Scranton can come and bid on our goods and services. I'm calling it Crime Aid. It's like Farm Aid. But instead of farms fighting against AIDS, it is us fighting against our own poverty.

Darryl: Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.

Michael Scott: In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me, I'll know for sure.

Michael Scott: So, when can I see you again?
Holly: Tonight. I'm free tonight. Is that too eager? I don't care. I'm free tonight.
Michael Scott: Okay. Oh, wait. Oh, tonight's no good. Because I am busy taking you out.
Holly: Oh, I just remembered. I can't tonight.
Michael Scott: Why?
Holly: I'm going out with you.
Michael Scott: [chuckling] Wow. Wait a second. I can't tonight.
Holly: No more.
Michael Scott: Tonight's so-
Holly: No more.
Michael Scott: All right. Too many times. It's all good.

Phyllis: What are you making?
Dwight K. Schrute: A knife.
Phyllis: You're making a knife with a knife?
Dwight K. Schrute: You got a better way?
Phyllis: You wanna talk about it?
Dwight K. Schrute: About what?
Phyllis: You know I know. You know they know.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know none of that. And if I did, you'd be the last to know.

Michael Scott: That was really fun last night.
Holly: Yeah, it was nice.
Michael Scott: I'm actually thinking about getting my own set of put-put golf clubs.
Holly: Oh, that would be great. You need that.
Michael Scott: Really?
Holly: Yeah, it would help.
Michael Scott: [whispering to camera] I let her win.
Holly: [whispering to camera] No, he didn't.

Holly: The mall could be fun. We could go to the food court, get different foods. You could get chicken teriyaki. I could get a hot dog.
Michael Scott: Some of what we order depends on if we're having sex after.
Holly: [gasps]
Michael Scott: Oh, my. Wow. Elephant in the room. Are we, do you think? Do you think we're gonna have sex tonight?
Holly: Hell yeah.
Michael Scott: OK, so we do the restaurant thing, and then... Then we can do... We'll just do the restaurant first.
Holly: Yeah, that's good.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: Probably get soup or something light.

Dwight K. Schrute: She introduced me to so many things: pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism. Presents on your birthday, preventative medicine.
Phyllis: It's nice to learn new things.
Dwight K. Schrute: I was talking to myself.
Phyllis: Okay.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just- I don't get it.
Phyllis: What don't you get?
Dwight K. Schrute: Why is she marrying Andy?
Phyllis: Angela's not really a risk taker. And Andy's not really a risk.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's really fattening.
Phyllis: No, it's lettuce.

Angela: Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.
Oscar: Great, they stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare?
Kevin: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.