Michael Scott: Oh, my God. What happened?
Jim: We were robbed last night.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bravo, Watson.
Jim: Looks like a classic 7-men job. Security tapes were stolen. Motives, financial. Or possibly vintage HP computer collectors. Hank down at security had clocked out. And that is all we have.

Holly: Can I talk to you for a second?
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Holly: That wasn't us, right? You remembered to lock the doors?
Michael Scott: No, did you?
Holly: Michael, I think this is our fault.
Michael Scott: Oh, no. No, my god! My god.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: So much for sex without consequences.

Jim: So apparently Pam went out last night and accidentally called my work phone at 3:00 in the morning. So... I'm on minute six of this message. The future mother of my children.

Michael Scott: Come on! Let's have an auction. Let's do this. We'll auction off people, like in the olden days.

Oscar: So, in order to recoup the value of items we liked, we have to spend more money on things we don't want.
Angela: Who would ever come to this?
Michael Scott: I don't know. It could be any number of people. It could be a pedestrian. It could be an old person. It could be a lookie-loo. Or it could be a Bruce Springsteen fan. What? Who said that? I did. Why did I say that? I think you know why I said that. I think it is very apparent. I think it goes without saying. Bear with me. There's a point there. But what is the point? I don't understand what he's saying. It seems a little shady. It seems a little foggy. Well, it's not a little foggy. There's really something going on.
Jim: Do you need us for any of this?
Michael Scott: Do I?

Holly: Michael scored the big ticket item. Springsteen tickets. The boss scored The Boss.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I think that's pretty boss.
Holly: He knows how to get things. He got me.
Michael Scott: Wow.
Holly: Sorry.
Michael Scott: Twice. Right?
Holly: Uh-huh.
Michael Scott: Uh-huh.

[Michael comes on stage to Huey Lewis and The News' "The Heart of Rock and Roll"]
Michael Scott: Pump it up! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Pump up the volume. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you, Mr. Springsteen. And welcome to C.R.I.M.E.-A.I.D. Crime Reduces Innocence Makes Everyone Angry, I Declare. It is not known how many office robberies occur every second, cause there is no Wikipedia entry for office robbery statistics. However, tonight, its victims are standing together and standing strong in the form of song, Cooking lessons and hugs. Really, Phyllis? You're auctioning a hug? Okay, so with no further ado, lights, camera, auction! Take it away, Bruce!
[Huey Lewis and the News' "Heart of Rock and Roll" resumes]

Michael Scott: Well, this next item is sure to spring steam from your ears if you don't win it. It just says Creed.
Creed: Yeah, that's all-inclusive.

Dwight K. Schrute: What did Phyllis do wrong? I'll tell you what Phyllis did wrong. She stuck her nose into my business and tried to help me.

Michael Scott: Listen, about the tickets. It's sort of a gray- Kind of a gray area in terms of whether I had them.
[aside to camera:]
Holly: The Springsteen tickets seemed too good to be true. But a lot of Michael seems too good to be true. So far it's all true. But yeah, those tickets really seemed too good to be true.