Michael Scott: How did she die?
Dwight K. Schrute: I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hangar.
Michael Scott: God.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.
Michael Scott: She was so innocent.
Dwight K. Schrute: She was stoned apparently.
Michael Scott: You know, I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me. But now I know that that's just silly. Because she's dead. What do you do?
Dwight K. Schrute: You wait till next year's chair catalog comes out and find someone who's still alive.
Michael Scott: You move on.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah.

Jim: Where do you wanna go for dinner?
Pam: I don't know. I kinda hate all our regular places right now. Oh, you know what? That one-
Jim: [getting down on one knee] Hey, Pam. Will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe?
Pam: I hate you.
Jim: What? My shoe is untied. What is your problem? Oh, my God! You thought I- No, no, no.
Pam: Oh, how could I have thought that?

Phyllis: I have a friend who's single. Sandy. She's gorgeous and she's got a feisty personality too.
Michael Scott: Mmm. Feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?
Phyllis: No, she's a professional softball player.
Michael Scott: Ooh. Catcher or in field?
Phyllis: I don't know, Michael.
Michael Scott: Is she a dress-wearer or a pants-wearer? Could we share a rowboat? Could a rowboat support her?
Phyllis: What are you asking?
Michael Scott: I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average-sized rowboat support her without capsizing? It bothers me that you're not answering the question.
Phyllis: No, all right? No. She can't fit in a rowboat.
Michael Scott: Damn it! I knew it! I knew it, Phyllis! Okay.

Oscar: I've been here 9 years, and suddenly I'm supposed to park half a mile away.
Andy: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.

Kevin: I will quit. As God is my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.
Pam: Some of us like the walk more than others.
Kevin: It hurts like hell.

Pam: Did you pick a new chair? It's been a while.
Michael Scott: Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair.
Pam: But instead you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair.

Andy: I left my cell phone in my car.
Phyllis: Call us when you get there so we know you're okay.

Michael Scott: Listen, man I am completely over Jan. So, would you set me up?
Kevin: If I had somebody to set you up with, Michael, then I'd take her for myself.
Michael Scott: I thought you were engaged.
Kevin: Nope. Stacy broke up with me.
Michael Scott: What? God, that's terrible, man. Eh. She's crazy. Um, are you still on good terms with any of her friends?
Kevin: Not anymore. It's a bitter situation.
Michael Scott: Yeah- She's- You don't deserve her.

Michael Scott: Look, I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be a good exercise for you to do it yourselves.
Andy: We won't let you down.
Michael Scott: You can't because I don't care. Listen. Don't forget to fill out those cards. My love cards.

Pam: Who are you putting down?
Jim: Oh, you don't know her.
Pam: Who is it?
Jim: Your mom.
Pam: Yeah, whatever. Give that to me! Give that to-