Pam: Michael started the process of selecting a new chair about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn't care but he promised me his old one. It's way better. It's one of these: [makes air sound, drops down] I really want it.

Michael Scott: Have you ever seen this woman?
Pam: Her? The one in the really great mesh, black, hi-back swivel chair?
Michael Scott: Look at her smile. It's the eyes. Look at her eyes. She's got- I don't know what it is exactly. She dresses like a professional, and yet you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch.
Pam: Or in a great chair.
Michael Scott: Uh. Yeah, maybe, but- Remember after my dinner party when I said that I was swearing off women?
Pam: I definitely remember your dinner party.
Michael Scott: I think what I meant was that I am completely swearing off one woman: Jan. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands.
Pam: Actually, I put the catalog in your hand 'cause you have to pick out a new chair.

Michael Scott: I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So FYI, for those of you who're thinking about fixing me up, with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all.

Andy: Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot. It's, like, a 10 minute walk.
Kevin: No, 30.
Michael Scott: Well, look, I have an assigned parking place in front, so- All right, all right. Let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. ... ... Okay, yes, that would be bad.
Andy: Yes. Yes.
Michael Scott: That would be bad.
Andy: Okay, so... Help us out.
Michael Scott: Wish I could, but I can't. Well can, but won't. Should, maybe, but shorn't.
Kevin: Michael, please-
Michael Scott: What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin?

Phyllis: Well, I'm setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway. He can just deal with it.

Dwight K. Schrute: I've collected the rest of the ladies.
Michael Scott: Good, good. Because this batch was awful. This one says "chair model."
Dwight K. Schrute: I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn't have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her, and I will bring her to you. And as God is my witness, she shall bear your fruit.
Michael Scott: That sounds good. Go get her. Wait, wait, wait. First go to Wendy's, get my food, come back, and then go.

Michael Scott: She's dead? But she's so young.
Dwight K. Schrute: She was so young and now, she's dead. As dead as every dead animal who has ever died.
Michael Scott: Oh. God.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why don't you sit down, Michael? Come on. There we go.
Jim: Michael, you didn't even know her.
Michael Scott: Try not to be so hurtful, Jim.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, how dare you?
Michael Scott: Please. Not at time like this.

Michael Scott: So you get the rent checks every month and... What happens next? What-
Margaret: You're asking me what I do with the checks that people write to me?
Michael Scott: Just making conversation. [cut] Why is it so hard to meet people? I- You know, it's- All I want is somebody nice, and sweet, and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us?
Margaret: I don't know.
Michael Scott: You wanna see what I walked out on? This is going to blow your mind. Look at that! [holding up a picture of Jan on his cell phone]
Margaret: She's beautiful.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Yeah. And you can't see her whole body, down here, she has a boob job. Just- She was just crazy smart and really manipulative and I don't know.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael? Hello- Michael?
Margaret: Well, I'm gonna head out.
Michael Scott: Oh, okay. Well, um, I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet, old lady on the bus.
Margaret: That's incredibly rude.
Michael Scott: Now you ruined it.

Jim: You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment.
Pam: [laughing] Oh, I don't care. I don't really like that place that much anyway. I'll just move.
Jim: Oh, really? Who's gonna take you in? You're messy. You're a klutz, you spill everything. And you leave the volume on the TV way too loud.
Pam: Yeah. Maybe I'll just move in with my boyfriend 'cause he's kind of a slob, too.
Jim: Okay. Sure. Let's do it.
Pam: No, I- Um. Well, I'm not gonna- I'm- I'm not gonna move in with anyone unless I'm engaged.
Jim: Have I not proposed you yet?
Pam: I don't- No.
Jim: Oh. Well, that's comin'.
Pam: Oh, right now?
Jim: No. I'm not gonna do it right here. That would be rather lame.
Pam: Okay, so then when?
Jim: Pam, I'm not gonna tell you. I hate to break it to you, but that's not how it works.
Pam: Oh, right. Yeah.
Jim: Wait, I'm serious. It's happening.
Pam: Okay.
Jim: And when it happens, it's going to kick your ass, Beesly. So... Stay sharp.
Pam: I've been warned.

Jim: I am not kidding. [holding up engagement ring] Got it a week after we started dating.