Frankie: [v.o.] So Brick's stuff was missing, and knowing Brick, he wasn't gonna let it go. I learned my lesson. Next time I throw away any more art projects, I'm using the dumpster behind the mini-mart. Anyway, I was desperate, and I knew what I had to do.
Frankie: Hey, Nancy.
Nancy: Oh, hi, Frankie. Wanna come in for a cinnamon bun and watch Dr. Oz?
Frankie: Oh, no, thanks. Listen, this is kind of embarrassing, but I can't find any of Brick's old art projects. I'm pretty sure Mike threw them all out. Men do the craziest things, huh?
Nancy: Tell me about it. Remember Ron's perm?
Frankie: Ooh. Anyway, I was wondering if I could borrow one of your kids' old projects and pass it off as Brick's.
Nancy: Absolutely. Believe me, I get it. Three kids... no way you can keep up with everything.
[Nancy opens her garage door to reveal a clean space filled with neatly organized boxes]

Frankie: Hey, lookie what I found. Brick's centerpiece from Thanksgiving.
Mike: There's no way in hell Brick made that.
Frankie: [sighs] Damn it, and this was the worst one, too. I can't believe I threw away all my son's stuff. Seriously, what kind of a mother am I?
Mike: According to Brick's school, not actively involved.
Frankie: Well, they're right, Mike. I'm a terrible, terrible mother.

Dave: I'm a good guy, Mike. I bust my hump around here.
Mike: Yeah. You work hard.
Dave: Then when why didn't I get a sweet, heartfelt text from you like Jim did?
Mike: Oh, no. Look, Dave, that was...
Dave: I thought we were more than co-workers. I thought we were friends. I mean, we watch games together. Your family's been to my church. I even fixed the hole in your kid's wall.
Mike: Okay, fine. You are... really valuable around here.
Dave: Not feeling it.
Mike: You're special to me, too.
Dave: All right. There it is. Now bring it in for a hug. Come on.
Mike: Okay. [Dave hugs Mike] All right.

Frankie: [v.o.] With Valentine's Day only two days away, the Boss Co. breakup service was booming. And nobody knew who was gonna be next.
Axl: We got a runner!
Sean: Now let's be grown-up about this.
Darrin: It'll all be over soon.
Axl: Aren't you tired of running, Emma? I'm sorry, but you plus Kyle no longer equals forever.

Axl: Hey. What's wrong with you, dude?
Sean: That breakup with Kelly McCarthy was awful. Totally blindsided her. She cried her contacts out, and then I heard she failed a calculus test 'cause she couldn't see. She might not get into college.

Sue: I need a man's opinion. For the dance tonight, should I wear my hair up or down?
Axl: Over your face. You can weave it into your braces so it'll stay.
Darrin: Up.
Sue: Thanks. Mom says my forehead is one of my best features, so...

Axl: Phone!
Sue: [o.s.] So get it!
Axl: No, you get it!
Sue: [o.s.] I'm getting ready!
Axl: I'm in a business meeting!
Sue: [o.s.] But you're closer!
Axl: So?!
Sue: [o.s.] So get it!
Axl: [o.s.] No, you get it!
Matt: [on machine] Uh, hi, Sue. This is Matt. Listen, Sue, I can't take you to the dance 'cause Sheri and I got back together. So... hope you're good. Again, not taking you to the dance. Sorry.

Sean: [gasps] Wow.
Axl: He can't cancel day of. I mean, yeah, Sue's a dork, but he knew that going in.
Darrin: This Matt guy sucks.
Sean: Dude, you gotta tell her.
Axl: Well, I can't tell her. She's my sister. What if she... cries or something? I can't comfort her. I think it's illegal.
Sean: Well, don't look at me. I'm spent. I don't have another breakup in me.
Darrin: Fine. I'll do it. What's one more girl who doesn't like me?

Darrin: Uh... Hey, Sue.
Sue: Hey, Darrin. Thanks for the hair recommendation. It does look better up. So... [spins around] what do you think?
Darrin: You look really nice.
Sue: Thank you.
Darrin: So... listen... about that phone call... I don't know how else to do this but to come out with it. Matt's back together with Sheri. He's a major jerk, and he's not coming to Orson to take you to the dance.
Sue: What?
Darrin: Please don't make me say it again.
Sue: But... Oh. This is so embarrassing. Oh. I bragged to everyone about going to the dance with Matt.
Darrin: I'm really sorry, Sue.
Sue: And I still have to go because I'm on the cleanup committee, and I'm gonna have to walk in all alone and watch everyone having a good time while I mop up their spills and cupcake sludge. It's getting really hard to stay optimistic about this night!
Darrin: You don't have to walk in alone. I can take you.
Sue: What? Thanks, but you don't wanna do that. I know seniors don't go to the lame Valentine's dance.
Darrin: No, I want to. It'll feel good to do something nice for a change.

Axl: Man, I never thought about how we were hurting people. Ugh. What have we done? We're love hitmen. We made money off other people's pain. Oh, man! I wish we had a time machine so we could go back and undo everything. And it would be super cool just to have a time machine.
Sean: Super cool.
Axl: [snaps fingers] Hang on a sec. What's the opposite of breaking things apart?
Sean: Well, the opposite of fission is fusion. Everybody knows that.
Axl: Okay. So... what if we practice some of that fusion and got one couple together tonight?
Sean: Right. Get some isotopes together and wait for a reaction. [chuckles]
Axl: Uh... yeah. [laughs]We're going out to find a couple and get them together to undo all the evil we've done!
Frankie: [o.s.] Okay! Bring back milk!