Brick: Excuse me, Kimberly. Sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for a specific kind of hat. Let me describe it to you. It's kind of a felty, black, half-moon shape with these rounded appendages that are, I guess you could say, ear-like.
Mike: She knows the hat, Brick. They're called Mickey ears.
Brick: If you don't mind, Dad. You drove us six states in the wrong direction, and she works here, so...
Nurse: I'm familiar with the hat.
Brick: Great. Now, this hat... Would it be available for purchase in the park?

Brick: Oh, look. I found the store that sells the Disney merchandise. How lucky is that? [chuckles] I'll take this one, Timothy.
Timothy: Would you like us to embroider it for you? We have three different fonts to choose from.
Frankie: Oh, no. He said the "F" word.
[one hour later:]
Brick: Hmm. The basic font is easier to read, but I do like the fun font. Yep, fun. Definitely fun.
Timothy: Great choice. Uh, now all you have to do is pick a color. We have gold, black, dark pink, white, red.
[thirty minutes later:]
Brick: Thank you, Timothy. I appreciate your patience with all my thread questions... Unlike my family. [sighs] I just need to check one last thing. All right. [reads a book] Whew! No ear shadow.

Frankie: [v.o.] They say even a broken clock is right twice a day, and if anybody was our family's broken clock, it's Sue.

Axl: So, listen, we've all talked, and we've agreed not to take any extreme measures to save her life.
Sue: I can hear you, Axl.

Brick: Okay. Done and done. I'm ready to go back to the hotel.
Frankie: Brick, we haven't even gone on any rides yet.
Brick: Wait. So, we're going on rides now?
Sue: What did you think we were doing?
Axl: Duh.
Mike: That was the plan.
Brick: [sighs] I'm just saying this is new information. It would have been nice to have a heads up.

Sue: What? That's not right. This is supposed to be the short time. Oh, I must have been looking at the wrong section. [grunts] I just have to get to the afternoon schedule.
Axl: [groans] Can we please just split up?! I'll take Dad and one more person. Wait, who do we want? Dopey, Naggy, or Dorky?

Mike: Let's go! No time for breakfast. We'll hit the apple bowl at the desk on the way out.
Brick: [sighs] Why do we have to leave again?
Mike: 'Cause if we don't leave now, we're paying for this room ourselves.
Axl: I'm with Brick. What do we have to go home to? Scratchy toilet paper and dog shampoo? I say we barricade ourselves in here, live large for two weeks, and go out in a hail of gunfire.

Ticket Agent: Oh, no. I'm sorry. These tickets are for Disneyland in California.
Frankie: Wait. What? Disneyland? These tickets are for Disneyland?
Mike: You're telling me we drove for two days to the wrong park? Unbelievable.
Sue: This is not happening!
Brick: I wanted a hat.
Axl: Oh, my God. They drove to the wrong park. It's official. There's no way I'm genetically linked to you people! Can someone please help me?! Anybody? I'm looking for my real family!
Frankie: I don't... I don't know how this could have happened.
Ticket Agent: See? "Disneyland". It's right there on your tickets.
Mike: [sighs] You didn't read the tickets, Frankie?
Frankie: Yeah, I read the ticket, Mike. I just thought it would be fun to drive 900 miles in the opposite direction.

Frankie: [sighs] See... [exhales sharply] my daughter won a contest for two days in the park and one night in a hotel and they gave us this form. And it had a castle on the top. And, uh... it was an honest mistake. I didn't have my glasses. Y-you'll get there... Carol. Trust me.
Axl: She's blind 'cause she's old. [off Frankie's look] What? I'm helping.
Frankie: [sighs] I mean, come on, Carol. This place is all about magic, right? So, what do you say you just tinker-bell the situation and let us in. [laughs] Nobody needs to know. It could just be our little secret.
Ticket Agent: Uh, but the machine will know 'cause here, we use magic bands. And when I scan them, they go "beep."
Frankie: That's okay. See, because we can just... We can just put these on our arms. And then we'll scan them and we'll make the beep sound. [chuckles] So... so... So you... you can just swipe it, and... and we'll all go "beep," right? Just beep, beep, beep. See? That's no problem at all. Right, everybody?
All: Beep, beep, beep, beep.
Ticket Agent: [into radio] Can I get someone from guest relations, please? Quickly.
All: Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Frankie: Sure. We got a little later start than we planned, but we did it. We made it. We got our big crisis out of the way, and the fun starts now.
Sue: Oh. It's more beautiful than I ever imagined. [gasps] I've dreamed of this my whole life. I've seen it on TV a million times, and now I'm standing right in front of it. [gasps] And I... [faints]
Axl: Okay, so, uh, we hit some rides and meet back at Sue's body later?