Sue: So, Dad, you're not gonna believe this. Brad came up to me on the stairs and said the most shocking thing to me. He said he has a huge secret.
Mike: Oh, Sue, you know, I don't think it's that big a secret.
Sue: No, it is. Guess what he said? [Mike shakes his head] A boy likes me.
Mike: Brad said that?
Sue: Yeah, he said a boy likes me.
Mike: That's what Brad said?
Sue: Right.
Mike: Uh-huh. Now when he said that, was that Brad talking or you talking?
Sue: Dad, there's really only one way to take this. Brad said a boy likes me.
Mike: Mm, I don't think so. Who's "me" in this scenario?
Sue: "Me"?
Mike: "You" you or "you" Brad?
Sue: What?
Mike: Let's say you wrote it in a book. Would it say, "'a boy likes me, ' said Brad"?
Sue: Why would a boy like Brad? Wh- Why would Brad say a boy likes him? That doesn't make any sense. Okay, forget it. I'm just gonna go tell Mom.
Mike: Good plan.

Frankie: Yeah, but we just say we're busy and now's not a good time, and we float and we float and we push away all the fun stuff so we have time for all the crappy stuff. Look at this. Memorial Day, said we were gonna barbecue. Ended up doing the laundry. Brick's winter concert, there was a chance that could have been fun.
Mike: What's this? "Jill and Ryan's wedding. July 8th." Last July 8th. Looks like it would have been a good one, too, in a real ballroom in Indianapolis.
Frankie: What? [gasps] Oh, my God. There were meal choices, Mike. I would have had the chicken. You would have had the beef. They would have had a deejay. I would have gotten drunk and worn your tie as a headband. These are the moments, Mike. We're missing our life.
Mike: We've been busy. We got a lot of kids.
Frankie: Are we, Mike? Are we really that busy? 'Cause somehow we still manage to catch every single episode of Celebrity Rehab.
Mike: Hey, keep TV out of this. We need TV. We got nothing else.
Frankie: Yeah, well, no more.
Mike: Where are you going?
Frankie: Sue's wrestling meet is today, and I said I was too busy. I can't be there for my one and only daughter because of paperwork? Mnh-mnh. I am not missing out on one more hour of joy. I'm going. But tape Celebrity Rehab.

Axl: So, what, then we're supposed to cook it?
Brick: I'm guessing.
Axl: How hot?
Brick: I'd say about 2,000 degrees.
Axl: It only goes to 450.
Brick: That's probably fine then.

Frankie: You know, Sue, just because a boy likes you doesn't mean you have to like him back.
Sue: I know. I just hope I do.
Frankie: Oh, yeah. Me, too. It's just that you're gonna have a million guys beating down your door, so you don't have to jump at the first one.
Sue: Well, he's not the first, mom. I had a whole relationship with Brad.
Frankie: Or even the second one. I mean, if you like this guy, great. I just don't want you to be one of those girls who's so obsessed with having a boyfriend that they forget about what they want. Make yourself happy first.
Sue: "Make yourself happy first." Wow. I sort of felt a tingle when you said that. That's deep. That's Oprah deep.
Frankie: Oh, that was Oprah.
Sue: Oh.

Mike: 100? Wow. That's pretty cool.
Frankie: No, it's not cool. It's not cool at all, Mike. You're missing the point. She turned 100, and did we have a big cake for her or send her picture to Willard Scott? No. What did we do? Um, let me think. Oh, yeah. Nothing. We are the worst people ever!
Mike: Frankie, you did a ton for Aunt Ginny. Gave her foot rubs, took her to the liquor store. You sucked fluid out of her dog's nose with a dropper, for God sake. You can't beat yourself up about this. She knew how much you loved her.
Frankie: No, no, no. This is about more than just Aunt Ginny. This is what we do. We float everything. We float anniversaries. We float Easter. I can't even remember when we last celebrated your birthday.
Mike: The problem is, you think all those things are important. See, if you're brought up with no expectations, then when you miss it, you're never disappointed.

Frankie: Well, she looked good.
Mike: She really did.
Sue: I think she looked pretty.
Brick: She had less wrinkles lying down.
Axl: I never saw her without her glasses.
Mike: Or a cloud of smoke around her.

Brick: So this death napkin that says I have to live with Lucy-
Sue: Nobody's living with Lucy. Nobody's going anywhere! Everyone is staying exactly as they are right here, right now, forever.
Frankie: The point is, she was a nice lady who looked good and died in her sleep and lived a long life and is in a pretty place and met Patton and made a hell of a cheesecake. And we'll miss her.
Mike: We really will. [Axl sighs]

Frankie: [v.o.] With Aunt Ginny gone, I was worried about Aunt Edie. I mean, we couldn't exactly count on Doris to be her sole support system.
Frankie: Aunt Edie? Hey. I brought you a few things.
Aunt Edie: Ooh!
Frankie: So how you doin'?
Aunt Edie: You know, Frankie, I'm actually doing pretty well.
Frankie: Oh, that's so great. I know it's been a tough week.
Aunt Edie: Yep. Tough, tough week.
Frankie: Oh. Do you want me to make you a sandwich?
Aunt Edie: Oh, you've done enough. How about I make you a sandwich?
Frankie: Are you sure?
Aunt Edie: Absolutely. I'm fine. Ginny! Want me to make you a sandwich?!

Mike: Hey. How's Aunt Edie doing?
Frankie: Oh, she's doing great. It's like it never happened, probably 'cause in her mind, it didn't.
Mike: Oh, no.
Frankie: Oh, yes. I had to tell her Aunt Ginny died again, and it was as bad as the first time. At least there was vodka.
Mike: Well, I hoped you saved a little for her.
Frankie: Uh. Not much.

Frankie: Oh, shoot. You had a meet today? Sorry I missed it.
Sue: Yeah, well, it wasn't my best, but you're coming to the one next week, right? At halftime, we're gonna do a really edgy "Macarena."
Frankie: Uh, I-I don't know if I can, honey. I have a ton of stuff to do... File the death certificate, figure out what we're gonna do about Aunt Edie. I mean, I am so wiped out. I can't even look at all... Oh, did somebody bring lasagna?