Frankie: With me trapped at work with Looney Tunes, Mike was beginning to think the fun house wasn't all that fun.
Sean: Mr. Heck, please, let us help you with that.
Mike: Thanks, guys.
[Sean and the guys head down to the basement with Mike's grocery bags]
Mike: Hey, there's raw chicken in there. Eh. Never mind. Animals.

Brick: Question 17. Now that you're the mom of the house, I...
Mike: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not the mom of anything. You got chalk on your face. Come here.
[Mike licks his thumb to wipe Brick's face and then realizes how that looks]
Mike: Go to your room.

Mike: I just wanna get back to work, period. I'm not cut out for this, Frankie. Entertaining teenagers, getting sucked into their drama, checking Brick's homework...
Frankie: [v.o.] Actually, Mike really should have checked Brick's homework.
[at school:]
Brick: "My mom wanted to be a gold digger. My dad didn't think my brother was playing enough pool. The end."

Axl: Whoa. Party foul. What are you doing down here?
Frankie: Oh, we just thought we'd check out the haps, see what's going on down here.
[Frankie and Mike dance as Wang Chung's "Dance Hall Days" plays. The teenagers flood out.]
Frankie: I'm glad we cleared the place out, but the speed was disheartening.
Mike: I know. I didn't even get to do my moonwalk.
Frankie: Ooh.
Frankie: [v.o.] So after that, we went back to being the house across the street from the fun house. We still got to see Axl a couple times a week, and that was plenty. And we still managed to get a lot of use out of that pool table.

Sue: [squeals] It's Brad.
Frankie: Yes, it is. So are you two...?
Sue: Oh, no, no. We're just friends now. And don't worry, his parents sent him to a special religious camp... where they cured him of his... [whispers] ...smoking.
Frankie & Mike: Oh.
Sue: No more urges. [chuckles]

Brick: Mom? Did you wanna be anything that wasn't on TV?
Frankie: Oh. Well, when I was in college, I thought a career in banking or finance. I used to be good at math. But here I am just selling cars. Why don't you ask your dad some questions, he's probably getting bored.
Mike: No, I'm okay.

Axl: Donahues'. Later.
Frankie: But you just got home. Hey, you and your friends can hang out here sometimes. We have some fun stuff. We've got most of a Jenga set.
Axl: [excited voice] Ah! Jenga? [normal voice] I'll be back tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.

Frankie: [v.o.] At the moment, about the only place lamer than our house was work. We hadn't seen a customer all day.
Abby Michaels: [enters] Hey, somebody sell me a freaking car.
Frankie: Thank God. Hi, I'm Frankie. How can I help you today?
Abby Michaels: Well, Frankie, my name is Abby. This is your lucky day. I'm ready to buy a car. Sell me a car.
Frankie: Wow, well, I'd love to. Was there any particular car you were interested in?
Abby Michaels: Yeah. How about a red car?
Frankie: Okay, well, I was thinking make or model, but we can start with color.
Abby Michaels: Oh. Oh!
Frankie: Oh. Did you happen to have a few drinks this morning?
Abby Michaels: I haven't had one single drink today.

Abby Michaels: Oh, my God, you got pretty eyes.
Bob: My grandmother says they're my best feature.

Frankie: I've given her five cups of coffee, she just seems drunker. God. How horrible a person am I to sell a drunk woman a car?
Pete: Do it, you gutless wonder. I'd have sold her matching RVs by now.
Bob: She's totally into my eyes. You think I should make my move while she's still hammered?
Frankie: [scoffs]