Sue: A pool table?
Mike: Yep. And I got that weird smell out of the mini fridge too.
Axl: Whoa. I can't believe how awesome you guys are.
Mike: Well, it's the shock in your voice that makes it all worthwhile.
Frankie: You are awesome, honey.
Mike: I'm not gonna argue with you.
Frankie: Can we afford this?
Mike: Can we afford free? [Frankie gasps] Cheaters went out of business.
Frankie: Oh. You know the economy's bad when the bars go under.
Axl: Hey, is it okay if I bring my friends over?
Frankie: Well, we were thinking this was more of a family thing, but... I guess if you wanna make it kind of a home base, I don't see why not. [Axl and Sue gasp]
Mike: Who's got the cool house now?

Frankie: [v.o.] While the family was having fun playing pool at what is now sure to be the fun house, I was doing my damnedest to get out from behind the eight ball at work. Which wasn't easy since Abby seemed to be focusing all her crazy on me.
Frankie: [to a male customer] Well, I see you've been eyeing this little...
Abby Michaels: Freeze. Bear with us. She's in training. Okay. Go again. But this time, try using our customer's appearance to get to his hot-button issues.
Frankie: Hot-button issues?
Abby Michaels: Issues you can connect on to gain their trust and ultimately exploit to make the sale. For example, if you walked into my dealership and I looked at your appearance, I would think tired, obviously doesn't care about appearance, must have kids: Boom. Minivan.

Frankie: It's such a smooth ride.
Abby Michaels: Boring. Bear with us, Rhonda. Your patter's like a sleeping pill with a shot of Scotch. Am I right, Rhonda? No need to spare her feelings. It's for her own good.

Frankie: And the gear shift is...
Abby Michaels: Freeze. Bear with me. The feel of the wheel seals the deal. Say it with me, Frankie.
Frankie: The feel of the wheel...
Abby Michaels: Seals.
Frankie: Seals the...
Abby Michaels: The deal. Faster.
Frankie: The feel of the wheel seals the deal.
Abby Michaels: Tell him.
Frankie: The feel of the wheel seals the deal.
Abby Michaels: Resume selling.
Frankie: Bear with me.

Sean: Mr. Heck. Outstanding job on the pool table. On behalf of the whole neighborhood, thank you.
Mike: You're welcome, Sean. Glad you're having fun.
Axl: Yeah. We're out of bean dip.
Mike: One step ahead of you. Made a snack run yesterday.
Sean: Excellent foresight and planning, Mr. Heck. A1.
Mike: Your dad set you up with bean dip over at your house?
Sean: No, sir, he does not. Axl, your dad rules.
Mike: Yes, I do.

Frankie: Mike, you're lucky. I'm stuck at work with a lunatic, and you're the cool dad. I wanted to be the cool parent.
Mike: Well, if you want, I can let you take down the pizza rolls.
Frankie: Ah! Could I?
Mike: Yes, but you have to let them know that I'm the one who cooked them.

Abby Michaels: Frankie. Have a seat.
Frankie: I'm only late because some kids spent the night.
Abby Michaels: Relax. Put your feet up.
Frankie: Uh... Okay.
Abby Michaels: Frankie, you might think a woman like me doesn't understand a woman like you. I mean, sure, my life is glamorous. One town after the next. Des Moines, Dayton. An expense account at Cracker Barrel. Uh... Free USA Todays with my continental breakfast. I mean, really, the list goes on. But it took a lot of hard work. You know what I'm saying?
Frankie: [v.o.] Nope.
Frankie: I sure do.
Abby Michaels: Then get your feet off that desk and move some metal. Ehlert wants me to get rid of one salesperson before the end of the week. It'd be a shame if it's you.

Brad: Mr. Heck, can I ask you a question? You know, man to man.
Mike: Sure.
Brad: Well, Mr. Heck, I guess I'm confused about certain feelings I've been having.
Mike: Brad, I'm not sure I'm the person you wanna talk to about this.
Brad: You see...
Mike: There's your parents, your minister... Lots of people, really.
Brad: See, when Sue and I were dating, it was really fun, you know. But we both sensed something was missing. Well, mostly I did, I guess.
Mike: Mm-hm.
Brad: And now, I've been having these new feelings. Very intense feelings. But I'm afraid if I act on them, it might be surprising and might hurt people I care about.
Mike: Ah... I don't know if it will be as surprising as you think it will. People kind of sense things about people. In my experience. Good talk.
Brad: I'm just so conflicted. It's like I don't know which end is up. What do I do?
Mike: I think you follow your gut. If you make a decision by following your gut, it can't be bad, right? Can we be done?

Pete: Frankie. Abby's been looking for you. She's in the service center. Since someone's getting fired, I'll just take this opportunity to say I think it's you.
Abby Michaels: You're always running from conflict, aren't you, Frankie? That's your style, avoid and retreat.
Frankie: Oh, that's not true. I run toward conflict usually. Right smack into it. Attack and collide, that's my style, actually.
Abby Michaels: Oh. Good. Glad to hear it. Then you won't have a problem deciding who gets the boot.
Frankie: What?
Abby Michaels: Show me what you're made of, Frankie. I'll fire whoever you tell me to. You got 24 hours to give me a name. I'm off in the morning. There's a struggling video store in Topeka that needs my help.

[As Mike tries to pick up chips from the carpet, a bunch of teenagers come in and walk right over them]
Mike: Thank you. Yeah, they're easier to pick up when they're in little pieces.