Sue: Why did you tell Brad to go out with Carly?
Mike: What?
Sue: He said you told him to follow his gut, and now he asked her out on a date to the Pie House. In their own booth. His parents are gonna walk the mall until they're done.
Mike: Carly? That is not what I thought we were talking about.
Sue: Well, what did you think you were talking about?
Mike: Uh... Mom's home.
Sue: Dad told Brad to date Carly instead of me. And I'll let him tell you about the Pie House.
Frankie: Why would you do that? You know she likes him.
Mike: Do I? I don't know anything. I got kids running around all over the place, you're not here. Seriously? Carly.
Frankie: I would love to be here. I'm at work dealing with this nut bag. And now she wants me to pick somebody to fire.
Mike: Well, then fire Pete and get back here and help me clean these chips off the floor.

Frankie: [v.o.] It wasn't that easy. I was faced with an impossible choice and the clock was ticking. It was like my own reality show. Not the one where people eat live spiders or something. That would actually be more fun than this. In any case, I did have my final answer.
Frankie: Fire me.

Mike: Oh, no. [sighs] Hey, Brad. Listen, yesterday, when we had our talk, I might have given you some wrong advice.
Brad: You told me to follow my gut. How could that be wrong? Ah, it was so freeing.
Mike: Yeah. Well, I don't think I really knew what we were talking about.
Brad: What did you think we were talking about?
Mike: [sighs] That's not important. The thing is, Sue's crushed, so, what I meant to say was... if you're choosing between two girls, pick Sue.

Logan: I've seen this. The chick's a dude.
Mike: Really? Who are you?
Logan: Logan.
Mike: How do you know Axl?
Logan: Who's Axl?

Brad: [o.s.] Sue, do you think we could talk for a minute. I feel bad about how things turned out with you and me and Carly.
Sue: [o.s.] Me too.
Brick: [o.s.] I wanna make sure we're still friends.
Sue: [o.s.] Yeah, we're friends.
Brick: [o.s.] Because I talked to your dad...
Mike: Oh, no. No!
Brick: [o.s.] and he said you were crushed.
Sue: [o.s.] What? [footsteps approaching]
Sue: Dad? You told Brad I was crushed?
Mike: I was just trying to help.

Brick: Hey, Dad, my interview report is due tomorrow and you still haven't checked it. [whispers] Checked it.
Mike: I'm sure it's fine.
Sue: Why were you even talking to my ex-boyfriend?
Brick: You didn't even look at it.
Mike: He didn't give me a choice.
Brick: Mom always checks.
Mike: Mom's not here.
Sue: Why can't you just leave us all alone?
Mike: You got it.

Mike: I need them to reopen the quarry. I need them to reopen it now. I miss my trailer. I miss my desk. Around here, I don't get a minute of peace.
Frankie: You could say it that way, Mike. Or you could say, "I don't get a minute of peace."
Mike: Heh.
Frankie: Aw. Come on inside. Didn't you hear? We're the fun house.
Mike: No. This is my room now. I've had enough of the fun house. I tried to make you happy, but I'm done with that.
Frankie: I'm sorry. I thought it would be more fun. Let's just ship them all back to the Donahues'.
Mike: Good luck. We're out of food and they still won't leave. I say we flood the basement.
Frankie: I have a better idea.

Brad: Mr. Heck? Can I talk to you?
Mike: Absolutely not.
Brad: Oh, ha, ha. I've decided to take a break from girls for a while.
Mike: Probably wise until you figure things out. Good luck.