Frankie: [v.o.] Well, the response to the Brick babysitting sweepstakes was not great, so I had to take what I could get.
Ruth: Good eventide, Brick. I'm the first shift here to watch you.
Brick: Okay.
Ruth: I didn't know what you liked to do, so I brought some toys from my childhood... a block of wood and a rock. Are you hungry? If you show me to your hatchery, I could strangle us a chicken for dinner.
Brick: No, thanks. I just had a pizza pocket.
Ruth: What's this?
Brick: They're making us build a car for science. At this point, I'm looking down the barrel of an "F."
Ruth: Hmm. May I have a go? I've watched our smithy change many a buggy wheel. [looks at a bowl of cheetos]
Brick: Help yourself.
Ruth: Oh, no. I'm not allowed to have that. But may I trouble you for a bowl of wheat?

Mike: [answers phone] Hey.
Frankie: Hey. How's it going there?
Mike: Uh, okay. The tour was fine. A lot of annoying parents.
Frankie: Annoying to you, or annoying to other people?
Mike: [chuckles] No, there was one guy, "Super Daddy Pancakes," who wouldn't shut up. He drove me nuts.
Frankie: Super Daddy Pancakes?
Mike: Yeah, you know, remember the guy that we hated at the thing last year? Just way too into it. At a certain age, you should stop being excited about life... all I'm saying.

Frankie: Aww, there's my big sleeper. How about you buy your mom some breakfast? I'll pay.
Axl: I just want to stay home, okay?
Frankie: [sighs] Axl, you can't hide from your teammates forever.
Axl: [scoffs] It's not about that. Well, what is it about, then?
Frankie: [sighs] N-never mind. We don't have to talk about it. You stay... I'll run and grab us some breakfast and maybe pee somewhere with a toilet seat.

Axl: Fine. [sighs deeply] I invited Devin Levin to the game.
Frankie: [gasps] I knew it! You like her!
Axl: Oh, my God. Stop smiling. I knew I shouldn't have said anything.
Frankie: No. It's fine. Go on. I won't smile.
Axl: She was at the game. She saw what I did. I... [sighs] There's no coming back from that. Now I just got to make sure I never see her ever again... ever.
Frankie: Axl, you're both on the same campus. You're gonna run into her eventually.
Axl: No. I figured it out. I just have to skip all my Wednesday classes, scurry along the rooftop to econ, and change my major to nursing.

Frankie: Come on, Axl. I-I may not know much about football. But here's the good news. I do know about women.
Axl: God, now I've really hit rock bottom. I'm getting dating advice from my mom.
Frankie: I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. We know you guys aren't perfect. Uh, take me... I married a man with all the sensitivity of an Easter Island statue. Guess what. I love him anyway.
Axl: Ugh. I do not want to hear about my parents loving each other.
Frankie: I'm just saying, you make a mistake, you got to own it. Show her that it doesn't faze you. Believe me... there's nothing more attractive to a girl than a guy who's confident. But a guy who's sneaking around trying to avoid her... not so much. Is it okay that I have my hand here for a minute?
Axl: It's okay.

Chuck: What you working on?
Brick: Science project.
Chuck: Oh, school? More like prison of your mind. The day they told me I had to wear a shirt in class, that was it. They just want to turn you into a robot, get you to work for the man.
Brick: Don't you work for the man?
Chuck: Only until I get my jet ski paid off. Then I'm riding the river all the way to the Gulf.
Brick: There's no river that goes from Orson to any Gulf.
Chuck: That's just your schooling talking to ya.
Brick: Yes, it is.
Chuck: Yes, it is.

I.U. Tour Guide: Oh, when we pass by Willkie auditorium, remind me to tell you about our traditional first nations powwow. There's a huge inter-tribal dance. So amazing.
[Sue looks back to see if he was talking to someone else]

Frankie: All right, while I get that, why don't you make a list of all the things you want to do this weekend? Anything at all... your pick.
Brick: Really? Great.
Frankie: [answers phone] Hello? Hey, Axl! Is everything okay? What? Are you kidding me? They're playing him. They're playing you? Well, uh, yeah. Of course I'll be there.
[Brick starts erasing the list he was working on]
Frankie: Okay, well, I'll see you in a bit, then. Whoo-hoo! [hangs up] All right, well, um, slight change of plans.
Axl's coach is finally playing him tomorrow. So we'll sleep over at Axl's tonight, and then we can see the game in the morning.

Sue: It was really nice of Rosalie to let us stay here. How exactly are we related to her again?
Mike: Eh, she might be an aunt, maybe just one of those people you call an aunt. Anyway, she's always at the funerals. I know that.

Frankie: Whoo! [to a woman] Yeah, Dragons! Oh, is your son playing? Mine, too. He's right over there... the cute one. No, they're all cute. I'm not like that. [chuckles] Oh, I think he's going in.
Announcer: [v.o.] Now entering the game, number 37, Axl Heck.
Frankie: Whoo-hoo! Axl! Go Axl! [whistle blows] [all grunting] [all groan]
Announcer: [v.o.] Now leaving the game, number 37, Axl Heck. [booing]
Frankie: Gee, I wonder when they're gonna put my son in.