‘The Cheerleader’
Season 1, Episode 2 - Aired October 7, 2009
After their dryer breaks down, Frankie and Mike are shocked to realize it's 2009 and their buy now/pay later payments are due. In a bid to save her job, Frankie organizes a publicity stunt at work. Meanwhile, Sue tries out for the swim team, and Brick is denied a library book.
Quote from Mr. Ehlert
Mr. Ehlert: Trailing even the most pathetic of you is our newest employee, Frances Heck. Her sales record is minus one. Negative uno vehiculo. That's Mexican for not good.
Frankie: Well, you know, there is a recession on.
Mr. Ehlert: Enough of your communist whining. It's always somebody else's fault. The economy, your mama didn't breast-feed you. Oh, the government won't let you marry a houseplant. Now, I wanna hear some suggestions to perk up business. [all hands go up] And don't anybody say free mugs. [all hands go down]
Pete: Well, I'll throw you stragglers a bone. How about a free AK-47 with every sale? People love guns.
Mr. Ehlert: You really wanna arm our customers?
Quote from Brick
Frankie: [v.o.] I may not be able to afford a new dryer, but I could figure out a way to get my kid his book. Plus I had to keep him out of my bookshelf.
[Brick talks to another kid in his class:]
Brick: And then when the rakish count stormed into the room, her bosom heaved. That means she threw up.
Quote from Mike
Sue: Oh, hey, Dad, I'm trying out for Swim Team. Do you wanna come watch me swim laps at the pool?
Mike: Sounds boring.
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: It does.
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: Saying my name over and over doesn't make it sound less boring.
Frankie: [v.o.] Sometimes the family needs more than honesty. It needs a cheerleader. And that's me.
Frankie: You know, Sue, what your dad is saying is that it sounds like fun.
Quote from Brick
Brick: The dryer's making that noise again. [whispers] Noise again.
Quote from Mike
Mike: I'll get more pop. Axl, come on. Let's go.
Frankie: Axl told us he was at church group when he was actually sticking his tongue down some girl's throat at the mall. So he'd earned himself one of Mike's famous punishments. For the next two weeks, he had to stay within 5 feet of a parent at all times.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] Fortunately, out here, you always have neighbors you can count on.
[cut to Frankie knocking on a neighbor's door:]
Frankie: Hi. Would it be okay if I just throw in a quick dry?
Woman: Mm-hm.
[cut to Frankie knocking on the door again:]
Frankie: Hi, hate to bother. Just one more quick load?
Frankie: [v.o.] And when that fails...
[cut to Brick knocking on a neighbor's door]
Brick: [o.s.] Hello? Hello? I'm hurt and my mom and dad aren't home. [the woman opens the door] I'll just do this quick load while you try to find them. You won't even know I'm here.
Quote from Axl
Librarian: Uh-oh. You have a fine.
Frankie: Oh, that's no problem. How much? We're in kind of a hurry.
Librarian: One hundred eighty-nine dollars.
Frankie: Aah. You're kidding. I'm sorry, but, heh, there is no way that we can pay that fine right now. I mean, our dryer just broke and I haven't sold a car and it's 2009.
Librarian: Right. Next in line.
Axl: Mom, don't they know who you are? Flash them your Frugal Hoosier card.
Quote from Mr. Ehlert
Frankie: Oh, here's a thought. I was just in the Frugal Hoosier and they have Ronald Reagan inaugural jellybeans. 50 cents a bag. How about we fill a car with them and let people guess how many for a prize?
Pete: Pfft.
Frankie: I don't know, thought it'd be fun.
Mr. Ehlert: Hmm. Clever... ...patriotic, cheap. You know, I was gonna fire you right after the meeting... but I think I'll just move that Post-it to next week.
Frankie: Ha. Hear that, Pete? I'm not fired for another week. Yeah, baby.
Quote from Brick
Mike: Brick, how about you? You getting in?
Brick: Swimming's no fun without a book.
Mike: Well, then what the hell am I doing here? Come on, Brick, look at those boys. They're having fun.
Brick: Mom says I'm supposed to interact. So can I tell you the plot of the book I wasn't allowed to check out? Chapter one, "Grampa's Story." Grampa Worst was old and dying...
Quote from Brick
Brick: So then the Nuldoids kidnap this kid and take him to the bowels of the earth.
Axl: Speaking of bowels, what's for dinner?
Frankie: Hey, no complaints. That chicken or beef stew last night was great. And we all kept that down.
Frankie: [v.o.] Not completely true.
Brick: And after the giant tunnel hole, they go to the slide of the Droiden Frobble Dynasty...
Frankie: Okay, Brick, honey. Great social interaction today. Now, please go find a book. There must be one book in the house you haven't read.
Brick: Okay.
Mike: [enters] Hey, champ.
Brick: Mom says I've had enough social interaction today.
Mike: Okay, catch you later.