Sue: Brad, I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
Brad: Well, I do. You need to make him know what he's missing, Sue. You need to make him jealous.
Sue: You're right, Brad. I'm gonna go for it. And you are just the man to help me.
Brad: Oh, I'm so in. And I know exactly what loafers I'm gonna wear. Can I Instagram this? Oh. Hashtag Stunning.

Frankie: [over walkie-talkie] I know. This is Nancy Donahue's fault. She plies everybody with booze and brownies, and then we all turn into her little army of idiots.
Mike: Why don't you stop doing what she says? She acts like Queen Bee, and you suck up to her. I mean, who gives a crap what Nancy Donahue thinks?
Frankie: Me? What about you always trying to act like a big shot around Bill Norwood.
Mike: [chuckles] Yeah. Yeah, that's me. I live to impress Bill Norwood. He's married to Paula. He's got his own cross to bear.
Frankie: When this is over, I'm gonna give Nancy a piece of my mind.
Mike: You won't.
Frankie: I know.
Nancy: [over walkie-talkie] Um... float operators? Please switch to channel 3 for all domestic disputes.
Frankie: [whispers] They're listening. Oh, crap on a cracker. Turn it off. Turn it off.

Frankie: [v.o.] Orson, Indiana heart of the heartland. Proud home of Little Betty Snack Cakes, the Demolition Derby for the homeless, and the world's largest polyurethane cow. And this year, our little town was turning 100, the Orsontennial, and everybody was super-excited.
Mike: [phone rings] Don't answer it.
Frankie: [o.s.] You have to get it. The machine's broken.
Mike: Then you get it.
Frankie: [o.s.] I'm pooping!

Mike: Hey. Did you sign us up for some Orsontennial Float Committee?
Frankie: Yeah, right, that sounds exactly like something I would do. Wait a minute.
[flashback to Nancy approaching Frankie at a Fourth of July block party:]
Nancy: Hey, Frankie. How would you and Mike like to drive a float in the centennial parade?
Frankie: [slurred] You bet I would! Hey, Mike! Nancy wants us to drive a float in the centennial parade.
Mike: Whatever, baby.
Frankie: Whoo!
[present:]
Frankie: See, this is what happens when we drink. We sign up for stupid committees or get Brick.

Axl: Dudes, we're not manual-labor guys. This is Boss Co. with college knowledge.
Sean: Yeah.
Axl: Oh, wait a minute. I got it. What's the one thing Orson doesn't have?
Sean: Hot chicks.
Darrin: A shoe factory.
Axl: A VIP experience. It's too equal here. It's like everybody's as good as everybody else. We could bring exclusivity to Orson.
Sean: I like it. Mm-hmm.
Axl: Get some chairs, reserve a block along the parade route, a-a velvet rope.
Darrin: My uncle's got some police tape from where they dug out that foot.
Axl: Yeah. Let's do it.
Sean: Boss Co. 2.0!

Sue: Oh, my God, Brad, she is so wrong for him. I mean, obviously, she's a really talented hairdresser, but that's not enough. Darrin deserves so much more.
Brad: I know you're saying stuff, but I can't stop staring at your hair. It looks amahz. I'm so jel.
Sue: Oh, you wouldn't believe the looks I got. I wish I could do this myself.
Brad: Oh, totally.
Sue: She doesn't appreciate him, Brad. He is so much more than his arms. He is a musician and a poet, and he can parallel-park like nobody's business. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if their whole relationship is based on - excuse my language - physical stuff.
Brad: Mm.
Sue: I mean, is that all that men want? Is that really what all men are like?
Brad: Not the good ones, Sue. Not the good ones.

Brick: Excuse me, Mr. Ehlert, there seems to be some kind of mistake. I mean, "Orson: why not?" What about "The heartland's hidden gem"?
Mr. Ehlert: We didn't get it.
Brick: But I turned it in the day-
Mr. Ehlert: No, no, we received it. We just didn't get it. "Why not?" Now, that's snappy. It's like, "Got milk?"
Brick: This is an outrage. That is an inferior motto. And nobody said we could use punctuation.
Mr. Ehlert: Forget it, son. We're moving on to the pie contest.
Brick: But it's-
Mr. Ehlert: It's done! You lost. Get over it. Now, I've got 35 pies to taste, so unless you're a pie, get out of my face.

Nancy: Remember, Orsonites, stay with your floats. I'm not naming names, but some boys have been seen running around with egg cartons and silly string... the Glossners. Now, sleep tight, 'cause Don's Oriental Food is providing free coffee and crullers at 6:00 AM!

Frankie: Just how long we've been here. That's a lot of years. And to think, if it wasn't for that gas cap, we'd be living in Chicago right now.
Mike: Sure, blame it on the gas cap.
Frankie: It's true. We were so close. We were just outside of Chicago. Everything we owned was packed in that U-haul, and then we had to stop at that gas station.
Mike: Back then, you were too good to pee in a ditch.
Frankie: And then you noticed that the gas cap was missing. We had to drive all the way back to Orson to find it.
Mike: Hey, you can't return a rental truck without a gas cap. They'd have charged us a fortune to replace it.
Frankie: And then you ran into that guy at the lunch place, your old friend from middle school. What's-his-name with the mullet?
Mike: Rockin' Phil Nissen.
Frankie: [laughs] Yeah, that's right. And then he told us about that opening at the quarry, and... 20 years later, here we are.
Mike: Here we are.

Mike: Can I tell you something?
Frankie: If it's that you love me even more now, then, please, I'm listening.
Mike: I didn't forget the gas cap.
Frankie: What?
Mike: I didn't forget the gas cap. I made that up.
Frankie: What are you talking about? Are you serious? You're not serious.
Mike: We were almost there... and, I don't know it just didn't feel right.
Frankie: So you just made up a story about a gas cap? [scoffs] Why didn't you talk to me about it? I was scared, too. Why didn't you just tell me how you felt?
Mike: I don't know. I thought we'd have a big fight. We were young. I wasn't so used to it then. Are you mad?
Frankie: Well, I'm always a little mad but... ...no. No. I'm glad we didn't end up there. Chicago is so big. Who knows what would have happened? Somebody would have ended up on drugs.
Mike: It might have been us.
Frankie: I'm glad we're here.
Mike: It's a good town.
Frankie: It is.