Frankie: It was 12 hours ago, and I'm still sweating.
Mike: It's like a high-speed heart attack.

Brick: [keys jingling] Mom? Dad? Anybody here to take me driving? Hello? [keys jingling] Where are you guys? Hm.
[Frankie, Mike and Sue watch Brick enter the room as they hide in the closet. Mike covers Frankie's mouth as she gasps when she sees Brick open her nightstand drawer and take a cookie.]

Frankie: It's just I'm worried about her, Mike. She's got two days to pick a major, and she's being so unrealistic. She is all over the place. German? Theater? Where's the future in that? She's not good.
Mike: God, no, she's terrible.
Frankie: And even the majors that are a little bit more practical are a reach. I mean, veterinary school? That's harder to get into than med school.
Mike: Remember the time that Doris got her head stuck in the recycling bin? Sue panicked. She ran to the fire department in her underwear. Nobody wants a vet like that.

Brick: How are you not more worried about this?
Axl: 'Cause, dude, they got no evidence. There's nothing that links us to the crime.
Brick: That's not entirely accurate.
Axl: Aw, is that the cow horn? Dude, why did you bring this here?
Brick: I didn't mean to. When we got out of the Winnebago to check the damage, I picked it up. Then realized my fingerprints were on it, so I just took it.
Axl: So you brought home the one thing that incriminates us.

Frankie: Yeah, um, about that. I've been thinking. And all those majors sound great, but four seems like a lot. Plus, every credit costs money, so you might want to narrow it down a little.
Sue: Oh. So... just theater then?
Frankie: That might be a little too narrow. I mean, what if theater doesn't turn out to be your thing?
Sue: Ah. German.
Frankie: Mm, maybe. Maybe, although I don't know if I'd want to put all my eggs in [German accent] dat basket.
Sue: Fine. Large-animal vet it is.
Frankie: Okay, Sue, I'm just gonna break it to you. There's no inheritance, so you need a job that pays well.
Sue: [scoffs] Vet pays well.
Frankie: Yeah, but it takes a lot of time.
Sue: Wait, wait, wait. Do you not think I can do it? Mom, I know when Doris got her head stuck, I freaked and ran into the street in my underwear, but that is the kind of thing they teach you to handle in veterinary school.

Frankie: I'm not saying that you can't. I'm saying you have to be practical. You can't just sign up for everything that looks fun.
Sue: I...
Frankie: You need to, you know, focus. Right now you seem a little all over the place.
Sue: All over the place? [speaks German]
Frankie: Okay, look, Sue. A lot of people sacrificed so you could go to college. And you got four years, so you got to take those four years seriously.
Sue: I am quadruple majoring, Mom. What is more serious than that? Okay, look. Mom, no offense, but you didn't even graduate from college.
Frankie: Hey, I may not have graduated from college, but that just makes me an expert in knowing how important it is. I mean, the only reason you're still in school is that your dad sold his diaper business. So, you...
Sue: Wait. What?
Frankie: Crap. [sighs] All right, yep. When that whole financial-aid thing got screwed up, he didn't want you to miss an entire year of school, so your dad sold his business.

Axl: All right. That should be deep enough. Drop it in.
Brick: I don't know about this, Axl.
Axl: Brick, I am sure of two things in my life. One... my head would look good on anything. And two... if you want a problem to go away, you dig a whole and you bury it.
Brick: Really?
Axl: Oh, yeah. If you start digging around this yard, in five minutes, you'd hit report card.

Nancy: Axl! Brick! I've been looking for you boys. I'm not getting enough outreach to the young people in town. Can you two pass out some fliers?
Axl: Oh-ho, of course. Anything to help. It's a terrible situation. [dog barking] I mean, we've been up all night thinking about it.
Brick: That is the truth.
[The dog starts digging up the hole Axl and Brick made on the lawn]
Nancy: These fliers have to go to the teen center, but make sure they don't go to kids under 10. I don't want to scare anyone.
[Axl shoos the dog away]
Brick: Oh. I see you went with Franklin Gothic, the most serious of fonts.
Nancy: So, did you boys hear? Because of where the cow was hit, the police have determined that the perps were driving a large white or off-white vehicle. [Axl coughs and Brick drops his flyers]
Bill: Nancy. Hey, Paula, just texted me. There's a car parked at the Panera Bread with an out-of-state license plate. Yeah, so, she's gonna send a picture.
[As Bill talks to Nancy, Axl and Brick try to shoo the dog away as it returns and digs up the hole]
Nancy: Okay. Okay, you heard him, people! There's a suspicious vehicle at the Panera Bread. Let's move!
And see what the soups are.

Nancy: Thank you, Reverend Timtom. Now, let's get down to business. We're here to talk about this horrific vandalism that has besmirched our beloved Orson. They can knock down our cow, but they can't knock down our spirit! [cheers and applause] Now, as an example of Orson pride, there are two special individuals I'd like to bring up. They've offered a reward from their own money of $500. Come on up here, Axl and Brick Heck.
Frankie: Oh, crap.
Mike: They did it. [cheers and applause]
Axl: Uh, shucks. We just wanted to do our part.
Brick: After all Orson is the heartland's hidden gem.

Axl: You know, as a town, we're probably gonna have to accept the fact that we'll never actually find out who did this, but...
Derrick Glossner: I know who did it.
Nancy: Derrick Glossner?
Derrick: I'm gonna tell you who did it right now. Donald Wayne Glossner.
Bill: Glossners. I knew it.
Derrick Glossner: Yep, he stole the ice-cream truck again and rammed into the cow.
Nancy: Why'd you do it, Donald?
Diaper Glossner: None of your damn business.
Derrick Glossner: Okay, then, I want my money.
Axl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. We can't just hand out money without a proper investigation, right? And since when is it legal to give a reward to one relative for turning in their brother? 'Cause if that's a possibility...