Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Mike: Listen, Brick, I'm sorry about what happened the other day. I shouldn't have blown up at you. That wasn't your fault. That was mine. When you kept asking if you could ride in the truck, I should have stuck to my guns when I said no. So that's on me.
Brick: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have touched anything without asking you first. Hey, wait. I feel like that was kind of man-like... taking responsibility for my actions.
Mike: That's a good start. You know, you keep asking what it means to be a man, and the truth is there's not just one way. Every morning, you get up, there's a thousand chances to do the right thing, be a good man. Hopefully, you get most of them right. You're not gonna get all of them right. You're just trying to stay above .500.
Brick: I just have one question.
Mike: Baseball.
Brick: Ah, right. Got it.
Mike: Oh, hey. [brakes squeak] I know that, uh, having some sort of a demarcation was important to you, so I got you something.
Brick: [chuckles] Wow. [Brick takes a blue flannel shirt out of a bag] This is awesome! [Mike chuckles] Thanks, Dad. I've often felt the siren song of plaid, but I always thought it was your thing. I'll try to live up to it.
Mike: All right.

Axl: Brilliant, isn't it? While you suckers are stuck here throwing money away on this pit, we are taking a mobile house party wherever we go.
Frankie: Where did you even get this thing?
Axl: Where does anyone get anything awesome? Police auction. You can't even tell this was once a mobile crack den.
Hutch: It started at $600 then got up to $800 before we realized we were the only ones bidding. Which, by the way, is only two months' rent, so who's laughing now?
Mike: The crackheads who get to live in prison instead of this thing.
Axl: [scoffs] Okay. Anyway, once we get settled in on campus, we'll have you guys over. Or we'll come over here. Either way.
Hutch: Yeah, we can have you over at our house at your house.

Axl: Wi-Fi locked. Wi-Fi locked. Oh! There we go! "Grandma's Wi-Fi"... Oh. [Hutch laughs] ...which means, if my calculations are correct, the password will be "password." [snaps fingers] I'm in. Yes! Drop anchor!
Hutch: Yeah. Phew! Free Wi-Fi and a perfect view.
Axl: Hey, look, we're right by the Psych building. I'm only gonna be 10 minutes late to class tomorrow instead of 20.
Hutch: Oh, hell, yes. [Axl laughs] Hey, do you want to order Chinese or something? Share a first meal in our new home?
Axl: Oh, I'm on it. Oh, hang on a sec. Let me just lean my head out the window and find out what our address is.
Hutch: Oh! [grabs Axl's leg so he doesn't fall out] Oh.