Frankie: [sighs] Well, I'm fine.
Mike: You sound great.
Frankie: No, I am. My ovaries are fine. Unfortunately, they're like raisins. And not the cute, plump California ones that dance and wear gloves. They're like the hard, shriveled, sad, deformed ones in the Raisin Flakes we get from the Frugal Hoosier.
Mike: Well, this can't be a shock, Frankie. I mean, you are 50...
Frankie: I know what I am, thanks. [exhales sharply] You don't get it. Because they don't shut men's factories downs. They only shut women's factories down.
Mike: What factories?
Frankie: This factory. I mean, I liked knowing it was open. Now it's all red-tagged and padlocked with bulldozers in the parking lot.
Mike: I feel like anything I say here is gonna be wrong, so... you want to just hug me?

Axl: Let me ask you something. You ever order a glass of wine and think, "Hmm, I could really go for a nice thirst-quenching beer"? Or drinking a beer and think, "Hmm, wine would really add some class to these nachos"? Well, now you don't have to choose, 'cause I've solved that age-old question. Allow me to introduce you to the latest in taste sensation... Bwine!
Frankie: Bwine?
Axl: That's right. Beer plus wine equals Bwine. It was either that or "Weer," but that sounds a little too much like "Weird," and that is just not good marketing. Business major.
Mike: Wait, you're actually planning to sell this stuff? As a beverage? To people?
Axl: Oh, not just this one. I have created several varieties of Bwine. I have a Cabernet mixed with a stout, a Caber-stout, a pale ale mixed with a Chardonnay, a pale-ardonnay, and a fruity yet malty Merlot-enbrau.
Mike: Hm. Ahh... What's worse than bad?
Frankie: Oh, I don't know, maybe it just needs more wine. Or less wine. Or more sugar. Sugar helps with everything.
Axl: Yeah, I'm still fine-tuning my recipes. But once I lock them in, I'm taking these babies public. I'm telling you, Bwine is gonna bwow up!
Mike: [sighs] Just don't go wasting my beer.
Axl: Oh, come on, please. I'm creating a fine line of fine Bwines. I'm not gonna be using your Frugal Hoosier "dented but drinkables."

Frankie: [v.o.] So that night, I deleted all my Facebook aliases. And Sue was sadly unfriended by Jill Munroe, Sabrina Duncan, Julie McCoy, and Chrissy Snow. But on the upside, she did get 102 likes on one of her pictures... [picture of Sue with Brick's bunnies and kittens] Not that it matters.

Frankie: [v.o.] While Axl had a lifetime to figure that out, Mike was stuck spending what felt like a lifetime listening to my dad.
Tag: I'm telling you, Mike, there's no such thing as a bad baked potato. Any man that tells you different is a jackass.
Tag: Don Rickles is a funny man. That's all there is to it.
Tag: Two words: glucosamine chondroitin.
Tag: Once a month, whether you feel like it or not, just to know it's still workin'.
Tag: Mexicans - sweetest people you'll ever meet.
Tag: Always release a test fart if you can.
Tag: [points to his teeth] Real, real, fake, real, fake...
Tag: And that's why I can never return to the Panama Canal.

Sue: Hey, Mom, guess what. I was just checking on the response to my status update, and I have this new friend on Facebook, some girl named Jill Munroe.
Frankie: Wow. Really? That's great.
Sue: I know, right? And underneath where I said we went to the movies, she commented, "OMG. Sounds super fun. Could you be more gorg in your profile pic?" Sweet, huh? Anyway, I'll let you guys sleep, but I just wanted to share the latest. Night! [exits]
Frankie: What? I... [sighs] Fine. So maybe I made up a fake name and friended her. So what?! It's not illegal.
Mike: Jill Munroe? Farrah Fawcett's character from Charlie's Angels?
Frankie: Oh, so you can't remember our anniversary, but you got that locked in.