Brad: I can't believe this place... remote-control blinds, automatic fire place, ice maker for cubes and crushed ice... It's amazing.
Sue: No, it's not, Brad. It's horrible. All this opulence is turning me into someone I don't think I like.
Brad: Then why are you smiling?
Sue: I am so happy! Money does buy happiness... I don't want it to be true, but it is.
Brad: Well, it's a good thing you had a foundation of poorness so you can really appreciate all this.

Brick: Well, Cindy and I are having troubles.
Mike: Oh, good. Your mom's here.
Frankie: Oh, good. Your dad's here.
Frankie: N... It's you, Mike. It's a boy coming to his dad with woman problems.
Mike: No, it's you. He needs help with a girl, and you were once a girl.
Frankie: You know the drill... You got to deal with the same gendered child's problems.
Mike: Well, how's that fair? Then I got to deal with twice as many problems as you.
Brick: It's refreshing to see my parents fighting so much to get out of helping me.

Brad: Look, I know you guys are already deep into practices for Hot Dragon Nights, but I'm not here to derail the train, just help the train down the tracks.
Landis: Uh, know anything about choreography?
Brad: Oh, you tell me. [chuckles] Five, six, seven. [tap dances]
Chase: What about costumes?
Brad: I made a Technicolor dreamcoat.
Chase: Oh, for Joseph?
Brad: No.

Axl: Let's go! We're storming the campus career center!
Hutch: Wait... We're doing what now?
Axl: I was just at the job fair, and there was a bunch of juniors out there. Juniors! They're taking all the seniors' jobs... our jobs!
Hutch: Look, don't drag me into this. I already got a job.
Axl: Since when?
Hutch: Do you ever listen to me? Remember? I told you... Johnson, Walian and Blum snapped me up last year. They're even paying for me to go to grad school, too.
Axl: That's not fair. An engineering job and grad school? You're taking up two spots. Why didn't you guys tell me I had to start job hunting junior year? Hutch, I can see you not saying anything, but Kenny?
Hutch: Hey, I tried to get you to go with me to that job-hunting workshop last year, and you said, and I quote, "Nah, it's cold."
Axl: Well, not as cold as it is now!

Axl: Kenny, maybe we can throw in together, huh... start BossCo Two or maybe try to get hired as a team?
Hutch: Kenny doesn't need a job. He's made some serious bank designing and selling apps. He's just a couple years away from retirement. Have you seen his net worth? [Kenny turns his laptop around]
Axl: Oh, my God. Kenny, are you hiring?
Kenny: I was, 12 months ago.
Axl: I am so screwed! I thought I was finally on top of something, but I'm not. You know, this is so not my fault. This is the college's fault. I would not want to be East Indiana State right now, 'cause I'm gonna go out there and be a big failure, and it's gonna look so bad on them.

Axl: Hey, Tweedle-Weird and Tweedle-Weirder. You know, there's better things to do on that couch than read? Just floating that out there.

Frankie: Oh, hey, Axl. What are you doing home? Oh, you didn't get sick from those ribs, too, did you? That is the last time I buy ribs at a garage sale. I knew it was too good to be true.

Axl: No, no, I'm fine. Fine. I thought I'd just come by, say hi, relax, see the fam. [laughs] So, how's work?
Mike: Fine.
Frankie: Same old, same old.
Axl: That's cool. Um, Dad, you know that Mr. Norwood job you mentioned? God, I was thinking, pfft, it'd be really bad if he wanted to interview me and I said no, you guys being friends and all.
Mike: Don't worry about it. I know you got a lot going on.
Axl: Right. Right. Oh! Hey, Mom, you want me to stir this for you?
Frankie: That's not food! I'm boiling your dad's work socks. [clank]
Axl: But, still, you know, it was so nice of Mr. Norwood to offer. I should at least meet with him, right, for the interview practice? I'll give him a call. Oh, and, Dad, I may need you to tie another tie for me, 'cause I ruined the other one playing pirates with Hutch.

Brad: You know, Sue, there's something we haven't thought of that might make no-cut a cappella better.
Sue: What?
Brad: Cuts.
Sue: [stammers] Brad, we are no-cut a cappella. "No-cut" is right there in the name.
Brad: I'm sorry, but Chase is tone-deaf. And Hannah... I don't know what she's doing, but it ain't dance steps. Without those two, we might have a fighting chance.
Sue: Look, Brad... I don't know if you remember how painful high school was, but I do. We have to stay no-cut. There has to be a place for people who are only mildly interested in things.
Brad: [sighs] Oh, you're right. Oh, what was I thinking? Wow. Six weeks in New York really darkened my soul. Once you've seen a rat with half of another rat in its mouth, it hardens you.

Brick: Well, except for Planet Nowhere.
Cindy: Never read it.
Brick: What?! How have we never talked about this?
Cindy: You were reading.
Brick: Wh... You have to read it! How else are we gonna have a Planet Nowhere wedding? When I hand you the Branch of Truth, you're not gonna know what to do! You don't want to look like an idiot.
Cindy: Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?
Brick: Look, Planet Nowhere speaks to me. If you don't know those books, you don't know me. Please, just... read the first chapter.
Cindy: Fine. I'll read them for you. But I better like it, or you'll be getting the Branch of Truth.