Mike: What's it say? What's it say?
Sue: Uh... I don't know. Is this for one year or four years? Oh, my God, how can I go to college if I can't even figure out the financial-aid letter?! [breathing heavily]
Frankie: I see room and board. I see tuition.
Mike: Yes. They're giving us everything we needed! We're poor!
Sue: Whoo!
Frankie: [laughs] Yeah! We did it! Oh!
Sue: Whoo!
Frankie: I told you we were poor enough. I never stopped believing.
Mike: You know, if we'd have worked a little bit harder, none of this would be possible.

Brick: You signed up to chaperone the field trip to the robotics exhibit in Indianapolis on Saturday.
Frankie: Mm, that doesn't sound like me.
Brick: Yeah. Remember back in September when I asked you?
[flashback:]
Brick: Do you want to do the back-to-school breakfast next week?
Frankie: Ew. No.
Brick: Halloween party?
Frankie: Negatory.
Brick: Thanksgiving feed the homeless?
Frankie: Too soon. Don't stop till you hit April. You want to do one of the later ones, so when the school runs out of money, they cancel it.

Mike: Wow. Our old room!
Rusty: He hasn't changed anything from when we were growing up. All this time I've been staying in the tire room, I could have been living here. My dirt! [laughs] Ah, you remember when Pet Rocks took off? Ah. I thought pet dirt would be right behind it. That's seven years of my life I'd like to get back.
[Mike moves a bag to reveal a poster of Farrah Fawcett]
Mike: There she is!
Rusty: Oh, man. That's when pointies meant something. Ha. Now you see them everywhere.

Axl: I know what you're up to.
Sue: Oh, yeah? Well, I know what you're up to. So, if I were you, I would start voguing real fast.
Axl: Or what?
Sue: Or I tell Devin every mean thing you've ever done to me... How you glued my toothpaste to my hand, how you glued your dirty underwear to my head, every glue story! And I'll tell her about the farting. Yeah, all the farting, every day for 18 years, 19 if you count the times that you farted on mom's stomach when she was pregnant with me, which I do. Twirl me!
Axl: You can't tell her any of that stuff. Bro code!
Sue: Oh, I am not a bro. I am a "so." I am a sis! I am your worst nightmare is what I am. So you're gonna be nice to me, and you're gonna like it, or I will burn this thing down. So, here's how it's gonna go down. When we go back to your place, you and I are going to cuddle under a blanket on the couch and take a picture of it, like I have been begging you to do since Christmas 2007. I am going to put that picture on a photo blanket and we'll take a picture of that and then we'll keep going until we're cuddling under photo blankets into infinity!
Axl: You're the devil!
Sue: Oh, well, just so you know, she's watching right now.

Rusty: Hey, I'm making my own vitamins now. You want in?
Mike: Isn't that a big undertaking?
Rusty: No, not if you don't involve the FDA. All they do is dilute the potency. They don't want you living a long time. They made the Ebola to guard Area 51.
Mike: We got all our cash tied up in food and shelter right now. But if something changes, I'll let you know.

Mike: I just mean y-your life is a little unconventional. You live here. You don't own a home.
Rusty: Yeah, no mortgage to pay. That's got to weigh on you, huh?
Mike: Well, I mean, y-you don't have much stability. You don't have a steady job. You don't have a serious relationship.
Rusty: Right. And you got to go home to that short, angry lady, huh?
Mike: I don't think you get what I'm saying here. There's something fulfilling about raising a family.
Rusty: Yeah, but I don't have to worry about getting three girls into college.
Mike: Neither do I.
Rusty: That's a great attitude, Mike. [chuckles] If they really want it, they'll work for it. Ah. Listen, I know you've... You've made some bad choices in life, and, uh... [Mike scoffs] I feel for you, buddy. Hey, you want me to take you out and buy you a beer? I won't be buying. I'm just using that as an expression.
Mike: Can't. Got to get home. You know, the short, angry lady and all. [Rusty sighs] Yeah.

Mike: Welcome to my empire, Yakutsk. Rusty, you know what? You're right. This is fun.
Rusty: Oh, sure. Yeah, you got to relive the old days while you have the chance. Like, remember when we were little? Remember that one time? You pretended to be dead. [chuckles] And I cried. [chuckles] And you still pretended to be dead, so I cried more. And then you laughed and called me a moron and tickled me till peed myself... [chuckles] And I cried.
Mike: What? I never did that.
Rusty: Sure you did. You used to do that stuff to me all the time.
Mike: Ah, you don't know what you're talking about. Like what kind of stuff?
Rusty: Well, you told me Jesus didn't love me. That one hurt because all the kids at Sunday school always said, "Jesus loves me." So I thought, "Man, this Jesus guy loves everybody. What's his beef with me?"
Mike: Wow. Rusty, I'm sorry.
Rusty: There was this one time you locked me in the closet all night. And I cried, and you said if I didn't stop crying, then Bobby Sherman would kill our mom.
Mike: Bobby Sherman the singer?
Rusty: Yeah.
Mike: Why would you believe that Bobby Sherman the singer was gonna kill mom?
Rusty: Because I believed everything you told me. Like, remember in high school? I wanted to be a meteorologist, but you told me my body would look womanly against the weather map. That's when I got into the old pet-dirt biz. And we all know how that worked out.

Axl: Wow, Sue [chuckles] you were right. You've Got Mail is a great rom-com. I don't know how I've gone this long without seeing it.
Sue: Did you get how Meg Ryan was falling in love with Tom Hanks without realizing that he was the one running her out of business?
Axl: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That was super clear.
Sue: Yeah.
Axl: [grunts] Well, Devin and I are heading out. There are cleanish towels in the bathroom. And I'll see you in the morning.
Sue: Where are you guys going?
Devin: A party.
Axl: We'd invite you, but, uh, you got that orientation thing in the morning. Mnh. [chuckles]
Frankie: [v.o.] Sue figured she had two choices... Get mad that Axl was pretending to be nice to her just to impress Devin or get even.
Sue: Actually, I would love to meet all your friends and tell them how we're gonna be East Indy twinsies next year!
Frankie: [v.o.] Guess which one she picked.

Sue: [gasps] This means I can go to prospective-students weekend! Ah! Mom, do you think Axl would let me stay with him?
Frankie: Come on, Sue. We can't ask for two miracles in one day.

Dr. Fulton: So, what can I help you with?
Brick: Well, I'm hatching a plan to infiltrate a friend group.
Dr. Fulton: Uh-huh. [Brick places action figures on the desk] Uh... Is this the friend group you're talking about?
Brick: No.
Dr. Fulton: Ah!
Brick: I've singled out a few kids in my robotics club... Dante and Parker. Their friend Max is moving to New York because his parents think he can do commercials. I personally don't see it, but I wish him luck. Anyway, this is my chance to get in with the other two. They're gonna need a new third.
Dr. Fulton: Oh, I don't know. When it comes to friendship, three isn't always a good number.
Brick: [chuckles] Have you not heard of the third wheel? It's classic. Like in a tricycle... The third wheel is what provides stability.