Frankie: Okay. Sorry. Sorry I'm late. Whoo. Shoot.
Brick: Well, after months of reading about clubs, wives, and counties, the book club is finally reading something I recommended, Planet Nowhere.
Frankie: Your meter's running, Brick. What do you need?
Brick: Well, I thought it would be fun, as part of our follow-up discussion, if I made Silligan noses for everyone to wear. So can you scoot me over to the fabric store?

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, we're used to having things sprung on us: tornadoes, floods, locusts. But some things you never see coming.
Brick: I'm having five friends over after school today.
Frankie: What? You're having five friends over? You have five friends?
Brick: Yep. For the past few months, we've gotten to be a pretty tight-knit group. We share a lot of the same interests. I thought you always wanted me to have friends over.
Frankie: These are people, right? Not bugs.
Brick: Yeah, people.
Frankie: No, it's- It's great, Brick. It's- It's just that, you know, the house isn't clean.
Brick: Well, if we have to wait for that...
Frankie: No, I just meant that, you know, if we're having people over, I just would like to be a little more organized. [clatter]

Brick: I'm gonna need snacks for when my friends are over. I'm thinking a nice cheese-and-cracker platter with bologna rolls lined around the side for presentation. It's important to feed the eyes, as well as the body.

Axl: [on video chat] Oh, that's it! Right there, under the doughnuts. Now read them to me.
Frankie: Axl, I am not going to read you your notes. I've got to get to work.
Axl: Oh, my God! I'm finally giving it my all and doing solid, C-level work here, and you're just gonna abandon me?! Nice cyber-parenting, mom!
Frankie: [stammers] It's not like I could read any of this stuff, anyway. It's just drawings of dragons and random woman-fish combos.
Axl: Well, then, you're gonna have to go down to the copy place and fax them to me.
Frankie: No, you know what, Axl? You're the one who left his notes. You shouldn't be rewarded for it. It's your responsibility, not mine. [Axl groans] I'll fax them when I get to work.

Frankie: Stolen, Mike! My car was stolen. Why would somebody steal our crappy car?
Mike: Probably for parts 'cause nobody would want that thing as a whole.
Frankie: I mean, I go outside, and gone. The car is gone.
Mike: Yep, going to church every Sunday's really paying off.

Frankie: [chuckles]
Mike: What?
Frankie: Oh, it's just... I have the funniest story. I-- You are not gonna believe this, but, um, my car has been found. It has been retrieved.
Mike: Really?! That's great! They caught the guy?
Frankie: Well, kind of. Uh, this is actually the funny part that is also a really good sign for humanity, actually? Um, it was never stolen. I just left it in the back and forgot. [laughs]
Mike: What?
Frankie: [sighs] It's not my fault, Mike. It wasn't where I usually park it. See, I just pulled around the back to drop off the coffee urn, which was not part of my usual routine.
Mike: Are you kidding? It's been there the whole week? How could you not know where you parked your car?
Frankie: 'Cause I always park in the front.

Sue: Wait, what happened? Oh, good. Did you find your car? Who stole it?
Axl: [on video chat] It was an inside job. Very inside.
Frankie: I don't think it matters who stole it or if it got stolen or what happened. The important thing is we got it back and people are good at heart. I mean, that's what we should be focusing on.
Mike: So you're telling me I spent every lunch this week filing police reports and digging out insurance papers, and you just forgot where you parked it?
Axl: That's Mom for you!
Frankie: What's that supposed to mean?
Axl: Oh, my God. You forget everything.
Frankie: I do not.
Axl: Really? How about the time you couldn't find your phone, and it turns out you were just talking on it.
Brick: He's right, Mom. You did do that.

Axl: Movies! She can never remember the names of any movies she sees.
Frankie: That is completely untrue. Mike, tell them. We were just talking about movies yesterday.
Mike: "The one with the actress who adopted the African-American baby, but not Charlize Theron, the one before her" is not technically the name of a movie.
Axl: Face it, Dad. Her brain's cheese.
Brick: Maybe she should get a CAT scan.
Frankie: I am not getting a CAT scan.
Sue: Oh, actually, Mom, that's not a bad idea. Last week, you left the groceries on the stoop all night long.

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, I've had some low-grade, B-level epiphanies before, but I got to say, I knocked this one out of the park.
Sue: And I need you to move my scoliosis appointment on the 15th. Brad and I are offering a free self-esteem workshop after school that day. "Don't listen to the crowd. You're great."
Frankie: Hmm. Okay. Moving scoliosis appointment. Anything else?
Brick: Yes, on Tuesday, I'm gonna need a ride to visit Sparkle in the hospital. Bless her heart, she's getting her fourth knee.
Frankie: Oh. Ride on Tuesday. Got it. Is that all?
Axl: [on video chat] No. I also need a check. Me and Hutch found this awesome apartment for next year.
Sue: And don't forget I need you to sign my application for Miss Teen Orson. Fingers crossed.
Brick: I inadvertently chewed a girl's hair, so you might be getting a call from my teacher about that.
Axl: Did you guys take out a credit card in my name?
Frankie: We did it as Axl J Heck, so you should be fine. We're not morons. What else do you need?
Sue: Index cards.
Axl: More underwear.
Brick: Italian wedding cookies. [car horn honks] Well, that's my ride to the Kay Kyser Big Band Experience. Oh, don't wait up. We might stop afterwards and get a little nosh.

Frankie: Mike. I came into the kitchen.
Mike: Yes. I can see that.
Frankie: And do you know why? 'Cause I do. I am here to get a screwdriver, and I know what I'm gonna do with it. I'm gonna use it to pry out that wad of q-tips from the bathroom drawer.
Mike: Hmm.
Frankie: My locker combination from junior high: 23-42-7. The first actress that adopted the cute African-American baby was, oh, yeah, Sandra Bullock. [sings] I'm all out of love I'm so lost without you [talks] Whoo! I know all the lyrics now. Oh, my brain is mine again, Mike, mine. You have no idea how freeing this is.