Nancy: Hey, Mike! Just going to get the meat for the giant hamburger I'm gonna make after homecoming. Lucky we'll have a spatula big enough to flip it! I'm sorry about the trash talk. Ron made me say that.

Sue: Oh, my gosh. You will never believe what just happened. C-razy story. Well, first there was a little mix-up with the tardy sweep. [chuckling] Mr. Farrar thought I was still in high school. I mean, I was flattered, of course.
Pat: Oh, somebody at the dry-cleaner's once thought I was Marlo Thomas. [both chuckle]
Sue: Anyway, after I fixed the tardy thing, I found out something that is going to blow your mind. Are you ready for this?
Mike: Sue, we don't always need all the build up. Just... You can just say it.
Sue: They weren't planning on having the mascot at homecoming. [chuckles] Like, whaaa?! Apparently being mascot isn't "cool" anymore. So, I will once again be seeing homecoming through the eyes of a giant chicken head. [chuckles] Well, not really through the eyes. I actually see through the beak. Oh, I probably shouldn't say that. [chuckles] It ruins the mystery. Anyway, now I really, really, really cannot get sick.

Pat: What was that place called we went by that orange grove?
Frankie: Indian River.
Pat: I can't remember the name of it. It was the one with all the groves.
Frankie: Indian River.
Pat: Went on for miles. I just can't remember the name of it.
Frankie: I said Indian River.
Pat: Indian River! [laughs]

Frankie: [v.o.] There was no way I was gonna have a good time at the tailgate if my Mom was there. I love her. I feel so lucky to still have her. I think I've made that clear. But I had to get rid of her. The trick was to do it without hurting her feelings. It required a steady hand. Like diffusing a bomb, you have to cut the wires in the right order.
Frankie: It's not gonna be the best tailgate. Team's pretty lousy this year.
Pat: Oh, I don't go for the game. I go for the company.
Frankie: [v.o.] Nope, wrong wire.
Frankie: Have you seen our new Costco?
Pat: You got a new Costco?
Frankie: [v.o.] Bingo! Now be delicate.
Frankie: Yeah. They have the turtle pies that you like... In bulk.
Pat: Oh. I do love those.
Frankie: And I know those VHS tapes are hard to get, but they have them there.
Pat: Mm.
Frankie: Also, gas is one cent cheaper. You really should go check it out.

Pat: Ah, maybe another time. I wouldn't want to miss homecoming.
Frankie: No, no, no, of course not. I'm just saying it's not a big deal. The important thing is I've gotten to spend time with you. Everybody's gotten to spend time with you. So, if there are things you want to do, don't let us stand in your way. I'm so lucky to have you.
Frankie: [v.o.] Time to snip that last wire.
Frankie: The ironic thing is there'll never be a better time to go than today. Everybody will be at homecoming, so the place will be empty. No lines.
Pat: Well, the kids will all be off doing their own thing.
Frankie: [v.o.] Oh, my God. I'm a Batman villain.
Pat: I'd love to pick up another 24-pack of my paper towels.
Frankie: [v.o.] Stop smiling.

Pat: Sue, sweetie, would you mind if I go to Costco instead of homecoming?
Sue: What? No! No, no, no, no, no! I'm the class of 2015 liaison. I'm the mascot. You already missed the last time I thought it was my last time being mascot. This last time will definitely be my last, last time, and you want to miss it for Costco?
Pat: Of course I don't, honey. I'll be there.
Sue: Yay!

Paula: Oh, my God. Sean, is that you?
Nancy: He's just trying it out. Doesn't mean anything. Jesus had a beard. And Jim Henson. And none of them were doing drugs, I can tell you that.
Frankie: [chuckles] What's with the new look?
Sean: I don't know. You just get to a point where you start asking, "what is the real me?" I'm just letting it ride, you know?
Nancy: No, they don't know. Nobody knows. Nobody has any idea what you're talking about.
Sean: I'm gonna go get a veggie burger.
Nancy: Are you trying to hurt me?

Paula: Mm, Pat, I'm so obsessed with this cake.
Pat: [laughs] Thank you. I'm so glad you like it. So, let's see. How many of us are there? Oh, just everybody give me $2 each, and that should cover the cost of the ingredients.
Paula: Well, I don't have any cash on me. I could go back to the car and see if there's any change in the cupholder. Do you have anything?
Bill: No. Do you want us to give the cake back?
Frankie: Mom. You can't charge people at a tailgate. Everybody brought stuff.
Pat: Those ingredients weren't cheap, Frankie. That's real vanilla. There's nothing wrong with asking people to chip in. We're on a fixed income. We have to watch our finances. We can't be all loosey-goosey like you are.

Axl: All right, Dad, I'm here for you. Let's do this.
Mike: Why are you here? I thought you were still sick.
Axl: Well, I was laying in your bed watching a show about some mom who lifts her car off a baby, and, uh, it hit me. You're the baby. So, now I got supermom strength. I'm here to lift this crushing loser weight off of you. Happy ending. You're welcome. [to Brick] You're out.
Brick: That's not fair.
Axl: Life isn't fair, Brick. That's why I got all this, and you got all that.

Axl: I'm the one who should be playing with Dad. I'm the athletic guy.
Brick: Well, now I'm the athletic guy. "So, get me a root beer," he said in an act of intimidation toward one who has less ability in the arena of sport.
Axl: I'm not kidding, Brick. I need to shine. This is where I shine.
Mike: Are we still talking about cornhole?
Axl: Look, past few years have been rough on me, okay? In high school, I was great at everything. Not Math and English, but the important stuff. And now the coach never plays me anymore. Me and Devin broke up...
Brick: Excuse me, if we're playing "whose life is more pathetic," I believe I am solidly on the board. I'm strange.
Most of my conversations with Dad consist of awkward silences.
Axl: I have no place to live!
Brick: I don't know how to skip.
Axl: I'm graduating in a year and a half, and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life!
Brick: Mouthwash doesn't work on me.