[Axl and Hutch are taped to a pole on the football field:]
Axl: So, Hutch, where are you from?
Hutch: Chicago. How about yourself?
Axl: Uh, a few towns thataway. I couldn't stay forever, though. Had to break out, test my stuff in the real world.
Hutch: Ah, I feel you.
Axl: Yeah.
Hutch: I already killed it back home, so I had to move on.
Axl: Mm.
Hutch: I was so awesome, it was like I walked around my high school in slow motion.
Axl: Hmm. Prom king!
Hutch: Oh. Yeah. Oh, I can see that. You're a good-looking guy. I'd hit that if I was into hitting that kind of thing.
Axl: Thanks, man. So, you liking college?
Hutch: Hells yeah. What's not to like?
Axl: Yeah. Same here, man. Time of my life.

Frankie: Hey. Don't eat that. It's for the trick-or-treaters.
Mike: Licorice menorahs?
Frankie: Yeah, well, when I buy the good stuff, we eat it all before Halloween. So this way, none of us will be tempted.
Mike: Yeah.
Frankie: Gross, right?

Frankie: Ah, well, you know, Brick, you're at that age where boys and girls are starting to notice each other. You just might not be there yet.
Brick: Oh, I'm there. I'm definitely there.
Mike: You are?
Brick: Big time. There's this one girl I really like, Harper.
Frankie: Really? Oh, wow, Brick! So, what is it that you like about her? Is she into books, like you?
Brick: No, over the summer, she got her boobs.
Frankie: Oh. So, uh, was she at the party? Did you try to talk to her?
Brick: Not exactly, but I kind of stared at her for an hour until she got creeped out, so I'm definitely on her radar.

Wrestlerettes: Throw him down! Get that pin! The fighting hens will...
Ruth: [all at once] ...cleanse your sin!
Ashley: ...peel your skin!
Becky: ...kick him in the mouth!
Sue: You know what? Wrestlerettes isn't just about well-thought-out cheers that people spent a lot of time coming up with. It's about chemistry. There is only one way to fix this.
Ashley: Hemlock?
Becky: Quit because we suck?
Ruth: Prayer circle?
Sue: No. Team bonding sleepover. Mandatory!

Brick: Hey, she's online.
Frankie: Good. This is good. You got to message her. Tell her you're sorry. You forgot to get back to her.
Brick: Okay. "Sorry I didn't get back to you. I forgot."
Frankie: Wait. Don't say you forgot. It sounds like you don't care. Make up a good excuse.
Brick: "Sorry I didn't get back to you. I had diarrhea."
Frankie: Send? Wait. Did you just hit "Send"?! Mike, he just hit "Send."
Axl: Smooth, Brick.
Mike: Might as well pull the plug. There's no coming back from that.

Brick: She asked what I'm doing right now.
Frankie: Oh, boy. Okay, come on, guys. What's he doing? What's he doing?
Brick: I got this.
Sue: You absolutely do not got this. Wait. Quick, open a side window and pull up kickinitteenstyle.com. Their teen text tutor is very good.
Axl: Oh, my God!

Mike: Tell her you're putting your baseball cards in your bike spokes.
Frankie: No, no, you're playing charades with your family.
Axl: Hello! Who in this room has actually kissed anyone in the past 10 years besides a gross mom? Brick, the correct response to "What are you doing?" is "Nothin'." All lowercase, and don't you dare put a "G" on the end.
Brick: She said, "Cool."
Axl: Boom! It's on!

Sue: So then, we're holding hands for the séance, and I say, "If Christopher Columbus is in the room right now..."
Frankie: Hang on. Christopher Columbus?
Sue: I'm 16, Mom. I don't know a lot of dead people. Anyway, we asked his spirit for a sign. And all of a sudden, I see the Santa Maria sail across our wood paneling.
Mike: [to Frankie] Check the liquor cabinet.
Sue: Dad, this really happened. I'm serious. I was sitting right there, and I looked over at the wall, and there it was... the Santa Maria.
Mike: You sure it wasn't the Niña or the Pinta or the Never Happened-a?
Sue: Anyway, it was sort of light and glowing and it sailed from the commemorative royal baby goblet all the way to Dad's cornhole trophy. Who'd have thought? My very first séance, and I see an actual sign from the beyond. I must be really good at it.
Frankie: Mm.
Mike: Mm. [to Frankie] We might want to clear out the other half of the basement for her.

Frankie: [v.o.] So, Axl and Hutch threw their first college party, and sure enough, it was a huge success... right after they left to make a snack run.
Axl: Oh, check it out. Told you it would work. Pardon us, our party. Excuse us. You're welcome. Party hosts coming through. Oh! Whoo!
Bouncer: Hey, hey, you can't go in there.
Axl: Oh, no, no, no, it's my party.
Bouncer: I don't think so. This is a football party.
Hutch: I know. We're football players. Remember us? Yesterday, you made us drink out of a mop bucket.
Axl: Yeah, we just went out to get some chips.
Bouncer: Hey, hey, hey! We got chips! [all cheer]
Axl: Oh, oh, come You're seriously gonna keep me out of my own party?! Oh, man! There's a hot chick sitting right on my bed!
Hutch: Oh, and we got a slutty nurse!
Axl: What?
Hutch: And a slutty Alice In Wonderland!
Axl: I don't even know what that is, but it's definitely slutty.

Brick: Hey. I'm off to the dance.
Mike: What are you supposed to be?
Brick: Well, I'm a bookmark.
Frankie: Brick! I thought we agreed you were going to be a gangster, remember? We talked about how cool you'd look in a fedora and how much Harper would like it.
Brick: Yeah, but then I decided what sixth grader doesn't love a bookmark? So, any last-minute advice before I head off to my first dance? Whoop!
Frankie: Just... just... Good luck.