Sue: Really? Two balloons? That's it? This is why you need a girl involved earlier.
Axl: Oh, sure, it's easy to come in here and judge, but I put a lot of work into this party. I had to order the sub. I had to pick it up. I had to set up the table. The legs are attached.
Sue: There's not even a tablecloth.
Axl: That was a choice. Less is more. Plus, check this out. Hmm?
Sue: You're giving mom a Buttronauts card?
Axl: Notice how the butts are saggy? That's 'cause she's turning 50, see? I put a lot of thought into this. I didn't just show up last minute and slam everything.

Mike: Okay, relax. It's not the end of the world here. I'll get her home. Bill, I don't want to have to say it again. [on the phone] Hey, Frankie, so, you on your way home?
Frankie: You're not gonna believe this. I'm snowed in.
Mike: What?! No! It's not that bad here. Maybe you should just go for it.
Frankie: Just go for it? Thanks for looking out for my safety, Mike. By the way, I found Sue, if you care. She was at the library. So I guess I'm just gonna settle in here. Oh, you know, I have to let her know I'm staying the night. I'll call you back. [call disconnects]
Mike: She's snowed in. [all groan] But it's okay. It's gonna be fine. All we need's a snowplow. Does anyone here have a plow or any snow-removing vehicle?
Bill: Gee, Mike, sorry, I forgot to bring my dump truck full of road salt! I'm sorry. I'm lashing out. I am so hungry! Can't we just dig in to this sub? It's what Frankie would have wanted.
Mike: She's not dead, Bill. She's just in Gumford.

Frankie: [answers video chat] Mike, Sue says she's at home.
Mike: Hang on. I got something to show you.
All: Surprise!
Frankie: Wait, what is this?
Mike: This is your surprise floating 50th birthday party. I don't know. I was trying to do something nice for you.
Frankie: Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?! You never do anything nice for me! It's always road pizzas and floated birthdays and mini license plates that say "Frannie" 'cause they didn't have a "Frankie." And now you go all out and throw me this party and I'm not even there to enjoy it!
Mike: Yeah, it turns out putting someone in charge of the guest of honor is kind of a crucial part of a surprise party.

Frankie: [v.o.] It really was one of my top five birthdays, which is ironic since I wasn't even there. But, you know, family is often best appreciated at a distance. Ooh, maybe I'll come here for Mother's Day.

Axl: Yeah, well, this might be Brick's last meal before he goes to hell.
Brick: Axl, it was Mom who forgot my confirmation, not me. God will take that into account. Dad, just to be safe, could you watch your speed?

Frankie: [v.o.] Where Axl probably used the washing machine at school once, Sue actually enjoyed doing laundry. The busted fluorescent light bulb felt familiar, like home.

Mike: Nurse those pops 'cause once they're gone, you're having tap water with your pizza.

Brick: "I can't do sports." [Brick struggles to throw the note of paper into the hole]
Coach Babbitt: Okay. It's getting cold out here, huh? [kicks Brick's note into the hole] There we go. [sighs] [applause]
[When Brick scoops up some dirt to put in the hole, he drops the shovel in there too]
Mr. Repsholdt: And so we say goodbye to our "I can'ts." Now let's go celebrate with cookies and milk.

Coach Babbitt: Heck, I've been watching you, and I'm sorry to say it's gonna take a lot more than this airy-fairy ceremony to turn you into an athlete. But it's your lucky day. Your "I can't" falls right into my "I can" area.
Brick: Hmm.
Coach Babbitt: So, what do you say? You gonna let ol' Tink make a jock out of you?
Brick: Others have tried. Take your best shot.
Coach Babbitt: Oh, I will. There's nothing tink can't win... Unless it's her father's approval, which, uh... That's a story for another day.

Sue: What's so funny?
Chris: Oh, some noob put up a sign for a lost sock.
Sue: What?! That is so lame. Did they find it? [laughter]