Brick: So I've got fake noses and rock gloves. What time are we leaving tomorrow? We should probably go early. Silligans aren't known for being prompt.
Mike: What are you talkin' about?
Brick: Nowhere Con. The Planet Nowhere convention. Tomorrow in Indianapolis? You said you'd take me.
Mike: Uh, that doesn't sound like us.
[flashback to Frankie as she drives and eats chips:]
Brick: [on the phone] Will you take me to the Planet Nowhere convention in Indianapolis?
Frankie: What? [crunches] [mouth full] Hold on, I'm gonna put you on speaker. [beep] Okay, here we go. Now what were you saying? [tires screech] Oh, great.

Brick: You said, "oh, great."
Frankie: Brick, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't use the word "great" about a Planet Nowhere convention.
Brick: [sighs] Okay, I guess I don't have to go. It's fine. Toss another broken promise onto the fire.
Frankie: All right, fine. We'll take you.
Brick: Yes! And who knows? You may even enjoy it. Rumor has it, they're gonna have a 1/16th scale replica of a Vernego hypercraft. Message boards are blowing up.

Frankie: Wow, it's late. Can't believe Finn and Axl are just now going to the party. Oh, this was funny. When they were leaving, I said, "have fun and be careful." And Finn goes, "which one is it?" [laughs] Yeah. We laughed.
Mike: Mm-hmm.
Frankie: Okay, what? Why are you ummin' and hummin'?
Mike: I'm just sayin'. Been hearing a lot of Finn stories lately. You doin' a little flirtin' there?
Frankie: [scoffs] What? Uh, he's a child! God. Jeez. Wow!
Mike: I think that's one too many.
Frankie: Okay, it's not flirting. We just have stuff in common. We're two people who are interested in the same things. If anybody's flirting, it's you with cute waitresses when we go to restaurants. "Hi, Amy. Got any specials today?" Like you've ever ordered the special in your life!
Mike: I just like to have all the information before I order.
Frankie: Oh, please. The way you lock in on 'em, I haven't gotten that much eye contact in our whole marriage as when you're waitin' to hear about eggs.
Mike: Hey, don't try to turn this on me. You're the one "oggling" your son's friend.
Frankie: I'm not, and it's ogling.
Mike: Yeah, well, you would know. You're the one doin' it.

Tag: New wrinkle, Mike... Big government's making me take a road test, too. So you gotta practice with me behind the wheel.
Mike: With you behind the wheel?
Tag: Yeah. You know, grade me. Put my through my paces on the road. As I told my German masseuse at the Y, "Don't go easy on me." [laughs]

Brick: Ooh! The Sacred Key of Larkin! That's what I wanna get. They only did a limited release of 5,000. Luckily, I brought my birthday money.
Sue: Hey, Brick, we can't be here all day. I gotta get back to Orson. I'm pretty sure everyone's meeting at the mall later. Or at Arby's. But there are definitely maybe plans. Let's just get your key and get out of here.
Brick: [chuckles] You can't just walk up and get the Sacred Key of Larkin.
Sue: Whatever, Brick. I'm sure it's not that complicated.
Brick: First, you have to get three tokens by traversing the valley of despair, which is in convention hall "C".
Sue: Okay.
Brick: The tokens earn you the opportunity to answer the five questions of the mystic, who will bestow upon you the Pin of Greywhackle. You travel with the pin to the Oracle of Singal. If the Oracle deems you worthy, you're allowed an audience with the princess. Then, and only then, will the princess exchange the Pin of Greywhackle for the Sacred Key of Larkin. Assuming you have the $29.99, which I do.
Sue: What? Brick, that is gonna take forever.
Brick: Well, you can't rush a quest.

Mike: Why you stopping? The light's green.
Tag: I can't see colors too good anymore, but I figured it out. I stop at every light, count to five... [Mike sighs] And then go. 3... 2... 1. [tires screech]
Mike: What are you doin'? It's red now! [horns honking]
Man: Are you crazy?!

Nancy: Frankie, it's okay to notice if someone is nice or attractive. [sighs] When Dottie's guitar teacher comes over, I might sneak an extra peek or two. I mean, with his ponytail and the way he comes in the house and kicks off his shoes, he just seems so... dangerous.
Frankie: Okay, so, if... if Sean happened to overhear you say something about Dottie's guitar teacher, wouldn't be so bad, right?
Nancy: Oh, no. I'd be mortified.
Frankie: [scoffs] Pretty much where I am now.
Nancy: Oh, Frankie.
Frankie: Oh. [sighs deeply]

Tag: I used to get my hair cut around here someplace. [Mike sighs] Snippers. Ah, there it is over there. I... Oh, sorry. I didn't see you.
Mike: What do you mean, you didn't see me? [leans forward] Can you see me now?
Tag: Nope.
Mike: [leans forward] Now can you see me?
Tag: Negative. [Mike waves his hand] There ya are!
Mike: Tag, you have no peripheral vision.
Tag: No, I don't see out of the sides too good anymore. [Mike sighs] But I got a system for that, too. Here, watch me take a left. [honks horn] [tires screech, horns blare]
Mike: All right, that's it! Pull over.

Mike: All right, Tag. That's it. You're done.
Tag: Yeah, you're right. We should probably start fresh again tomorrow morning.
Mike: No, Tag, I mean, you're done done with driving.
Tag: What? No, no, I gotta have my license, Mike. I've been driving since I'm 14. I drove a transport supply truck in the war, for God's sake.
Mike: Yeah, and America thanks you. But if you really want to serve this country now, you'll stay off its roads.
Tag: Come on, Mike. This is my life we're talkin' about here. My freedom. How could I give that up?
Mike: Look, Tag, I know it's not easy to hear, but... You gotta trust me, this is the right decision. Tag, you asked me to help you out. I'm helpin' you out.
Tag: All right. [hands Mike his car keys] I got a podiatrist appointment on Tuesday, and Pat's got water aerobics. Wanna pick me up around 9:00?

Mike: What's Axl doing here?
Frankie: Ugh. He's going to some party this weekend and bringing a friend home. I'm sure it'll be three seconds before he's bugging me to make 'em lunch and do their laundry. [sees Axl's friend Finn] Hi. You want me to make you some lunch? Do your laundry?