Dorothy: Ooh, Blanche, what if she dies?
Blanche: She's a tough lady, Dorothy. If anyone's a survivor, she is.
Dorothy: If she dies, I'll be an orphan. Can you believe it? I'm over 50 years old, and I'll still feel like an orphan.
Blanche: I know.
Dorothy: Oh, it doesn't matter. You lose a parent, you might as well be six. It's scary, and it pushes you right up to the head of the line.
Blanche: I know.
Dorothy: Oh, God, I don't know what I'll do. I love that lady so much. She's my family.
Blanche: We're your family too, Dorothy, and you remember that. We might not be blood, but we're here.
Dorothy: Oh God, I miss her already.

Dorothy: Here are your beads, Ma. I found them in a can of peanut brittle.
Sophia: Of course. That's where I keep them. [doorbell]
Dorothy: Oh, the paramedics.
Blanche: Do I have lipstick on my teeth?

Dorothy: Oh, Dr. Harris, thank God you're here. Here she is.
Dr. Harris: So, what's this, Sophia? I hear we're not feeling well.
Sophia: We? What are you, a partner?
Dr. Harris: Where's the pain?
Sophia: My heart.
Dr. Harris: Show me where.
Sophia: Here. You hungry? You want some food? We got a lot left over. Dorothy, fix him a plate.
Dorothy: Later, Ma.
Dr. Harris: Now, breathe normally.
Sophia: Later I could be dead. I won't know whether he liked it.
Dr. Harris: Sophia, please. I can't hear and I ate at my mother's.
Sophia: What did you eat?
Dr. Harris: Kreplach.
Sophia: You're Jewish?
Dr. Harris: All right now, relax.
Sophia: How come so many doctors are Jewish?
Dr. Harris: Because their mothers are.

Dorothy: Are you prepared either of you? I mean, really prepared for death?
Blanche: For somebody else's death. I have a stunning black dress.
Dorothy: Well, if I've thought about it, you know, the fact that I will die, then how can I take seriously most of the things I take seriously?
Rose: Like?
Dorothy: Like eating, for example. I mean, why starve myself to the point of thinness if I know that I could die tomorrow? I mean, why not eat the chocolate cake?
Blanche: What chocolate cake?
Dorothy: The chocolate cake in the refrigerator.
Blanche: You know, you have a point, Dorothy. Here we are, not eating chocolate cake, which we obviously adore, because we want to stay very thin, and then drop dead. That's nuts.
Rose: But we might be thin and stay alive.
Blanche: But not forever, Rose. We're not gonna stay alive forever. That's Dorothy's point. And when you're gonna die anyhow, what's it matter?
Dorothy: Yeah, I mean, what does it matter if you know that you're gonna end up dying anyway? You might as well do what you want to do.
Blanche: Like having ice cream on the chocolate cake.

Rose: A bubble is something that just sits there and presses until it's chased away by a you-know-what.
Dorothy: No. What, Rose, a highway patrolman?
Rose: Dorothy.
Dorothy: What?
Rose: A big belch.
Dorothy: You couldn't say belch? What is it a Viking curse?

Sophia: Dorothy, do we have heart disease in our family?
Dorothy: No, Ma.
Sophia: How did Uncle Mario die?
Dorothy: Don't you remember? He was carrying out the garbage and dropped his gun, and it went off and shot him in the forehead.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, right. What a klutz. Didn't Aunt Teresa have a heart attack?
Dorothy: No, Aunt Teresa didn't have a heart.
Sophia: Uncle Nunzio?
Dorothy: Uncle Nunzio died to get away from Aunt Teresa.
Sophia: My mother died of old age and my father fell off a donkey, so we got healthy hearts in our family.
Dorothy: Very, very healthy.
Sophia: That's good. That's a good thing.

Sophia: What if I die, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Ma, you're not going to die. Now, look. I don't want you to talk, just rest.
Sophia: Rest? I could be history in 20 minutes. I got some things I have to tell you. The key to my safe-deposit box, it's in my underwear drawer.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, please!
Sophia: Don't interrupt. Don't let your Aunt Renata come to the services. It's my death. She'll make it her moment.
Dorothy: Ma, look...
Sophia: Dorothy, you were always my favorite. I want you to know that. Maybe I didn't show it. I'm not an affectionate person. But you are. Don't tell your sister, and keep the silver.
Dorothy: OK, Ma.
Sophia: You know, I'll probably see your father in heaven. I haven't seen him in 30 years. I wish there was time to get my hair done.

Sophia: I'm an idiot!
Dorothy: Why?
Sophia: I didn't think this would happen.
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: Death. I didn't really think I'd die.
Dorothy: Ma, maybe someday, but not today.
Sophia: It could be today, and you know what? I'm not ready. Eighty-years-old and it would come as a complete surprise.

Dorothy: Ma, you're OK. You are not going to die.
Sophia: I don't want to.
Dorothy: Who does?
Sophia: You know, I'd settle for even just one more day. God knows why. Tomorrow I'm cleaning the closets.
Dorothy: Ma, I love you.
Sophia: You know what, Dorothy?
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: Death sucks.

Sophia: And I'm sorry I never tried acting. I always wanted to act.
Blanche: Coffee's ready.
Dorothy: Oh, thanks, Blanche.
Rose: Sophia, you feeling a little better?
Dorothy: Oh, my God, she's-
Sophia: I'm not dead, I'm resting.