Sophia: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Dr. Harris: Did that hurt?
Sophia: No, I'm singing rock 'n' roll. Of course it hurts!
Dr. Harris: What did you have for dinner?
Sophia: I didn't have any dinner.
Dr. Harris: All right, tell me everything you ate today.
Sophia: I don't know. A little of this, a little of that.
Dorothy: Wait a minute, she had scungilli.
Blanche: And I saw her eat some sausages and peppers.
Rose: I saw her eat some fettuccine Alfredo, and fried mozzarella.
Blanche: Are you kidding?
Dorothy: And then this afternoon she had the cannelloni and the mushrooms with Gorgonzola.
Sophia: Bring him a plate of those. Those were great. Rose, go!
Blanche: Oh, and the Milk Duds, remember? You had those two boxes of Milk Duds.
Dr. Harris: Milk Duds?
Sophia: They're delicious. I love them. The trouble is, they take out my dentures.
Dr. Harris: Sophia, I don't think you're having a heart attack. It's most likely a gallbladder attack, brought on by overeating. Overeating, by the way, is a gross understatement for what you've described to me. You simply cannot go on eating like that at your age! You can't eat like that at any age.

Blanche: Did you see that Emma Jane eat?
Dorothy: Oh!
Blanche: I could not believe my eyes! That woman must weigh 275 pounds. She never stopped shoving it in. And then she had to talk the entire time. She just sprayed food all over the table, like a mist! I got it in my hair. It was hitting me like pellets. I got a piece of rice in my eye. She could have put my eye out.

Rose: Well, I never had food like that in my life.
Blanche: Now, I spent a summer in Italy four years ago. I never ate this well. 'Course, I never ate. Who'd have the time or the energy, if you get my drift.
Rose: No.
Blanche: Oh, Rose. Italian men are just the sexiest, most romantic, most gorgeous men in the world. Of course they just worshiped me because I'm blonde and feminine and young, with a great body.
Dorothy: What mirror do you use?

Sophia: Oh, boy. I ate too much scungilli.
Dorothy: What's the matter?
Sophia: I got a bubble.
Dorothy: Why are you rubbing your chest?
Sophia: The bubble is in my chest.
Dorothy: What do you mean, you have a bubble? Is it pain?
Sophia: If it was pain, I'd call it pain. I have a bubble.

Dorothy: Blanche, do you know what a bubble is?
Blanche: I know what a bauble is.
Rose: I know what it is. I've had a bubble.
Sophia: In your head.

Sophia: I hate doctors.
Rose: The only doctor I ever liked was Dr. Clyde, our vet. He was wonderful. My mother wanted him to do her hysterectomy, but he wouldn't.
Dorothy: But he was willing to do her lobotomy.

Sophia: What if I'm having a heart attack?
Dorothy: You're not having a heart attack.
Sophia: How do you know? You're not a doctor.
Dorothy: Why do you think you're having a heart attack?
Sophia: I'm 80 years old, I got Pavarotti sitting on my chest, odds are it's a heart attack!

Blanche: Do you want to be buried or cremated?
Rose: Neither.
Blanche: What do you want to be, flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
Rose: I wouldn't want to be cremated. I hate heat. And burial? I hate small spaces. I'm a little claustrophobic.
Blanche: Rose, you're not gonna know anything. You're gonna be dead.
Rose: Oh. Well, then, burial, I guess. But will you promise to put a blanket in with me?
Blanche: Why?
Rose: Oh, I'd just feel more comfortable cozier. And I'd want my pictures of Charlie and the animals. You know, the ones in the little silver frames. And-And my pictures of the children. And, of course, if I'm married again, I'd want a picture of my new husband. And the candlesticks Mama gave me-
Blanche: Rose, it's a coffin, not a condo.

Rose: Oh, Dorothy, she'll be fine. I'm sure it isn't a heart attack. A heart attack's bigger. I've seen a heart attack. Charlie had a heart attack.
Dorothy: And it wasn't like this?
Rose: Oh, it was much worse.
Dorothy: If only the paramedics would get here.
Rose: Charlie made me dress him when he had his heart attack, before the paramedics got there.
Dorothy: What, he wasn't dressed?
Rose: We were making love.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, honey, you never told me. He died while you were making love?
Rose: Well, he didn't die then. He had his heart attack then. And he told me to dress him.
Dorothy: And?
Rose: And I dressed him. And then we had a fight. I grabbed a pair of white pants and I was putting them on him, and Charlie said it was after Labor Day and he couldn't wear white.
Dorothy: In the middle of a heart attack?
Rose: Oh, Charlie was very stubborn and very dapper.
Dorothy: And then what happened?
Rose: And he told me he loved me and then it was over. And I put a pair of gray flannel pants on him and a blue shirt, and striped tie. And he was all dressed when the paramedics got there.

Blanche: Listen, Sophia. What about men? Are there lots of men in heaven?
Rose: Oh, Blanche, come on!
Blanche: Well, you asked her about God and Jesus.
Rose: Is there anything else we can get you, Sophia? A little tea, perhaps?
Sophia: I'm not in England. I'm having a heart attack.