Sophia: Stan's here.
Dorothy: Oh.
Blanche: What is he doing here?
Dorothy: He needs my signature on some papers so I told him he could stop by. Where is he?
Sophia: I left him on the doorstep. I wanted the neighbors to see what a baciagaloop you married.

Dorothy: Why did I ever marry that man?
Sophia: Because he knocked you up.
Dorothy: Why did I ever let that happen?
Sophia: 'Cause he got you drunk.
Dorothy: Why am I even discussing this with you?
Sophia: Beats the hell out of me.

Stan: [sobbing] She left me.
Dorothy: What?
Stan: Chrissy left me for a younger man.
Dorothy: Younger than Chrissy? Where did she meet him, Camp Snoopy?

Stan: I didn't want to say anything. What the hell, you deserve to gloat a little.
Dorothy: I deserve to gloat a lot! But I can't. I know what the pain is like and I wouldn't wish it on... I don't know how to finish that sentence, I usually say Stan.

Rose: That was exactly the problem I had with Eddie Parker. He was this real sweet guy who was crazy about me, but I just didn't feel the same way about him. You see, when Charlie went off to war, I went to work for our local USO club. And that's where I first met Eddie, the Aqua Midget.
Blanche: He was a blue midget?
Rose: Don't be ridiculous. He was a diving midget. That was his act. He used to jump off a step ladder into this gigantic punch bowl.
Dorothy: So, um, what happened?
Rose: Nothing, he'd just swim to the side and hop out.
Dorothy: I mean, what happened between you and Eddie?
Rose: We talked a lot between shows and of course I didn't realize it, but he was falling for me.
Blanche: Didn't have far to fall.
Rose: It started with little things.
Blanche: I'll bet.
Rose: Pretty soon the situation got out of control and I tried to let him down gently.
Blanche: You tried to make it short and sweet?
Rose: He just wouldn't take no for an answer. So I finally just had to tell him straight out that I didn't feel about him the way he felt about me. It had nothing to do with his size. It was simply that I could never become seriously involved with anybody in show business.
Dorothy: Thank you, Rose. I don't know what to say. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

Stan: Didn't you like the flowers?
Dorothy: They're beautiful. They're absolutely beautiful, but it's too much!
Stan: I know! I can't believe how expensive roses got since the last time I sent them to you.
Dorothy: Yeah, well, everything's gotten more expensive since Truman left office.

Blanche: What do you think?
Rose: I can't decide.
Blanche: Oh, honey, trust me, Martinique is perfect. It has everything and all the men speak French.
Rose: What do the women speak?

Blanche: Honey, everybody speaks French.
Rose: Well, then we can't go there. I don't know any French.
Blanche: Honey, don't worry. All you need to know are two phrases: yes, and no, your roommate can't watch.

Rose: She just found out about our vacation.
Blanche: We thought you were gonna tell her, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Well, I was waiting for the right moment. You know, like right after we landed in New York.
Blanche: New York? I want to go to an island.
Dorothy: New York is an island.
Blanche: No, I mean some place where swarthy men who don't speak English rub oil all over your body.
Dorothy: Great, then we can go for a ride on the subway.

Sophia: Where is this vacation spot that doesn't allow mothers?
Dorothy: Look, Ma, please. We'll discuss this after Stan leaves.
Sophia: What's to discuss? You're leaving me behind to guard the house like an old watchdog. I hope a neighbor comes by to give me fresh water.