Dominic: So good to see you, Sophia. So good to see... Oh! And this must be Dorotea. You know, you probably don't even remember, but over 50 years ago I held you naked in my arms.
Sophia: And you peed on his suit.
Philomena: It's OK. Look. You can hardly see it anymore.

Dorothy: Tell me, where, uh, where is Gina? Isn't she with you?
Dominic: She's outside. She's bartering with the cabby, you know. Imagine a man who take cash over a rooster.
Blanche: Well, tell us, now, what brings you all to Florida?
Dominic: Well, we are here to take our daughter back to Sicily for her wedding.
Dorothy: Yeah, but Gina came with you.
Dominic: Gina is not our daughter.
Dorothy: She's not?
Dominic: No. You are our daughter.
Sophia: Please, ignore him. The man spent 90 days on the high seas drinking grain alcohol from a goat bladder.

Dominic: Look. Look, I know this is a shock, but it gets better. You are getting married.
Philomena: To the most handsome man in the village.
Dorothy: [doorbell] Wait a minute. Wait a minute. There is not one shred of evidence, not one logical reason, why I should not believe that this woman is my mother or that Gina is her real daughter. [doorbell]
Gina: Buongiorno. I'm Gina.

Rose: Dorothy, I really need you there. I need your shoulder in case he takes his away.
Dorothy: Oh, all right, I'll go. Ma, where are my dancing shoes?
Sophia: In the Smithsonian, right next to Fred Astaire's. How the hell would I know?

Dorothy: Frank, we love you, but you are out of here.
Sophia: Gimme a minute.
Dorothy: Sure.
Sophia: Listen, you. You're just starting out. You're in for the long haul. Keep your seat belt on, there are lots of twists and turns. [baby cries] Stop that, or they're gonna come in here and sing again!

Sophia: What are you doing?
Blanche: Dorothy's going through her yearbook, to see who's dead.
Sophia: That's my pussycat: fun, fun, fun!

Becky: Mama, why don't you just come see the place? They have one of the biggest and best birthing centers right here in Miami.
Sophia: Those theme-park people are always thinking, aren't they?

Sophia: Dorothy, this reminds me of when I took you to the hospital when you were in labor.
Dorothy: How so, Ma?
Sophia: You were pregnant, I took you to the hospital. It's not a big leap.

Blanche: Oh, Sophia. Thank you, honey. How perfectly lovely.
Sophia: Well, I was boiling water anyway to shrink the cyst on my backside. I figured, "What the hell? I'll throw in a tea bag and make myself a hero."

Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing?
Sophia: I can't believe I have a daughter who threw a priest out the door.
Dorothy: Ma, you have relatives who threw priests out of windows.
Sophia: That was business.