Blanche: All right, now, attention, everyone. I want to propose a toast. To Dorothy Zbornak, who got an A in her French class, proving that you can teach an old dog new tricks.
Sophia: And if anyone knows about tricks-
Dorothy: Ma! Thank you, ladies and gentleman. Or should I say, merci beaucoup, mes amies.
Rose: Oh, my, that was impressive!
Sophia: Jane Goodall once taught an ape to rhumba - that's impressive!

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy that was so sweet of you, telling him he could come live with us.
Dorothy: I meant it!
Rose: It's gonna be awfully quiet around here without him.
Sophia: I'll say. No more listening to Dorothy snore!
Dorothy: Ma, I do not snore!
Sophia: Please, I had to turn you from the window so you wouldn't inhale the drapes!

Dorothy: Come on, Blanche. Now calm down, calm down. He probably missed the plane. It can happen to anyone.
Rose: I missed a plane once. And a train-
Sophia: Rose, you miss a lot of things.

Dorothy: Oh, we've just been so anxious to meet you!
David: Yeah, I'll believe that if you believe the Bahamas story.
Rose: You know, David, I went to the Bahamas once.
David: Oh, yeah? Was it on the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria?
Rose: It was a DC-10. I don't think it had a name.
David: Yeah, that's very funny, Rose.

Sophia: Look at me.
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: You're getting a cold.
Dorothy: No, I'm not.
Sophia: Yes, you are. Tomorrow, you'll have a cold.
Dorothy: What is this? The Curse of the Cat Woman?
Sophia: I'm a mother, I know these things.

Dorothy: Good night, Ma.
Sophia: Good night.
Dorothy: You know, we haven't slept together since I was a little girl.
Sophia: Thank God.
Dorothy: I used to get into your bed whenever I had that dream about the bear.
Sophia: Yeah. The bear dream.
Dorothy: I hated that dream.
Sophia: A bear is eating you. What's to love? You were so cute. You were always so polite when you woke me. "Mommy, I'm having a bad dream. Could I come in?"
Dorothy: I felt so safe with you.
Sophia: Listen, I felt safe with you when you were three.
Dorothy: And you always used to smell from Midnight in Paris perfume.
Sophia: Better than this, huh?
Dorothy: It sure was nice.
Sophia: It still is.
Dorothy: Good night, Ma.
Sophia: Good night, pussycat.

Blanche: What in the world is going on here? David, I said, what in the world is going on here? I thought you were in bed!
David: I couldn't sleep, so I went out and got a pizza. Made a few friends and we decided to have a party.
Dorothy: David, this is an inconvenience. I mean, it is 2:00 in the morning. Now please, ask your fr- [noticing a guy's ponytail] friends to leave.
David: Come on, girls. Relax, loosen up! Hey, life's too short. Especially for you guys.
Blanche: David!
Sophia: I'll get the melon baller.
Boy #1: Take it easy, ladies. Don't get your support hose in a knot.
Dorothy: That does it! The party is over! Everybody out, out! [to David] Not you. Out! It's really been lovely. And if anything is missing, I will give your names to every narc in this city.

Blanche: "Trim the hedges, mow the lawn, paint the patio furniture, wash the windows, clean out the garage, scrub the denture cup."
Sophia: I added that.
Blanche: I hate doing it. This is too much. I can't ask him to do this.
Dorothy: Of course you can.
Rose: Idle hands are the devil's workshop.
Dorothy: God, I wish I'd said that.

Blanche: Oh I guess when I was little, I didn't have to do anything. And I raised my daughter the same way. So that's why David is the way he is now. So it's all my fault!
Dorothy: Oh, now, Blanche. You can't blame yourself for David.
Blanche: You're right. It's my mother's fault. I am gonna give this list to David and see that he starts right away.

Blanche: [on the phone] Hello, baby, it's Mama! Well, I'm fine, honey, I'm just fine. I'm calling you about David. No, he's fine. Matter of fact, he's so happy here, Janet, that I've decided to keep him and raise him myself. You heard me. He says that you and Michael spend so much time arguing, that you don't have time for him. Don't you take that tone with me, missy. Yes, I realize you're his mother... No, I don't suppose I can stop you if you insist on coming and getting him. But you let me tell you this. If you and Michael don't straighten up and give that boy the love and attention he deserves, I will kick your uppity butt till hell won't have it again! [hangs up] She'll call us right back. She has to wake up the Yankee.