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‘On Golden Girls’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Golden Girls: On Golden Girls

106. On Golden Girls

Aired October 26, 1985

The girls are left in charge of Blanche's rebellious grandson after his bickering parents go to Hawaii without him.

Quote from Rose

Rose: My father used to punish us by sending us to the dairy barn to milk Alice.
Dorothy: Well, what's so terrible about that?
Rose: You had to milk Alice sitting on a stool.
Blanche: I thought you always milked a cow sitting on a stool.
Rose: No, no. Alice had to sit on a stool. You see, she was involved in this nasty plowing accident. It was during spring planting and Daddy had hitched her up to the plow 'cause poor old Toby had gotten a fever and gone deaf-
Dorothy: Rose, Rose, Rose. Sweetheart, save the story. When David comes back, tell him. That can be his punishment.

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Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Well, I don't believe that! But then what can I expect? His father's a Yankee. I guess I should've given him some money.
Sophia: You should've given him a smack.
Dorothy: Ma.
Blanche: I don't believe in hitting children.
Sophia: Personally, I like to lay into a kid with a melon baller. It's got a nice weight, good balance in the hand. And it's portable.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: [to Sophia] But you grew up in the country. David's a city boy.
Dorothy: Oh, wait now, Blanche, come on. I'm from New York. I did chores. I made the beds, I washed the dishes, scoured the pots, cleaned the bathroom, folded the laundry, took out the garbage.
Blanche: My, my. Did you attend a military school?
Sophia: No, she lived with me.
Rose: Did they have chores in Sicily?
Sophia: Are you kidding? They invented chores in Sicily. Crossing the street without getting pregnant was a chore in Sicily.
Dorothy: Rose, never mention Sicily.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: How is it possible to get pregnant in Sicily just by crossing the street?
Sophia: Cheap Chianti and narrow streets.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Why do these things always happen to me? I'm just a wreck. I don't know what I'm gonna do!
Dorothy: Blanche, we go through this every morning. Now admit it, you have cellulite.
Blanche: I am not talking about cellulite, which I don't have.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: [to Blanche] Well, sounds like they're trying to work it out. Why are you upset?
Sophia: Don't you listen? She has cellulite.
Blanche: Those are dimples.
Sophia: Dimples are on these cheeks!

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: I am upset because while they're in Hawaii for two weeks, they're leaving my fourteen-year-old grandson with me.
Rose: Oh, Blanche, that's wonderful news! Why, you shouldn't be upset.
Dorothy: No, I should be upset. How am I supposed to study for my French final with a 14-year-old in the house? It's hard enough with an 80-year-old.
Sophia: Are you referring to me?
Dorothy: Of course not, Ma. I'm referring to Cary Grant. He's living in the broom closet.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: But whatever will we do with him for two weeks?
Rose: Oh, there are plenty of things to do down here. We can take him to Disneyworld, the Seaquarium, the Everglades, Rambo-
Dorothy: Rambo?
Rose: The movie with Sly Stallone.
Sophia: I sat through it twice. You'll love it! He sweats like a pig and he doesn't put his shirt on!

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: It's not gonna work. I'm not sharing my room.
Dorothy: Oh Ma, Ma I'm not thrilled with the arrangement either. But for the two weeks that David is here, we'll make do.
Sophia: Sure, it's easy for you. I'm not the one who snores.
Dorothy: I do not snore.
Sophia: Please! I'll bet less disgusting noises come out of Ernest Borgnine!

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: I just fixed a special treat for David. It's the same little after-school snack I used to make for my own son - a triple-decker BLT, a hearty helping of homemade potato salad, and a great big slice of double chocolate fudge cake.
Dorothy: Oh, where was he going after school? The electric chair?

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