‘The Competition’ Quotes
107. The Competition
Aired November 2, 1985
The girls get competitive over a local bowling tournament. Meanwhile, an old flame of Sophia's visits from Sicily.
Quote from Blanche
Dorothy: So who did you sign me up to bowl with?
Rose: Oh, I wanted to talk to you about that.
Blanche: [entering] Well, I am stunned! Just stunned! Stunned is the only way to describe how stunned I am!
Dorothy: Just a minute, just a minute, Blanche. Are you trying to tell us that you are stunned?
Quote from Sophia
Dorothy: You're too busy doing what?
Sophia: Here.
Dorothy: "Will be in Miami Thursday. Hope to see you. Respectfully yours, Augustine Bagatelli." Who is Augustine Bagatelli?
Sophia: Nobody. Just a boy I knew from my village in Sicily that I was engaged to once.
Dorothy: What?
Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
Sophia: That's right, but unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: You go get 'em, Blanche. Blanche? Blanche?
Blanche: I'm fine. I just feel a little cold and clammy and just a little short of breath.
Dorothy: Now you just settle down, you hear me? Settle down.
Blanche: Don't make me do this, Dorothy.This ball feels like it weighs about 100 pounds.
Dorothy: Honey, I sympathize with you. Anyone who has ever competed understands what you're going through. Listen, sweetheart, if you don't feel like bowling, you don't have to.
Blanche: Oh, good.
Dorothy: You just hold onto the ball and I'll throw you down the alley.
Quote from Rose
Rose: Oh, look, I know you're both still angry with me and you have every right to be, but I hope you can forgive me for the way I acted. Winning doesn't mean anything if it means losing your two best friends. Besides, we all bowled well this year. That's why I had all our names engraved on this trophy. In my opinion, we're all winners.
Blanche: Well, Rose. What a sweet thing to do.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, can I ask you a question?
Rose: Sure.
Dorothy: Why is your name three times larger than ours?
Rose: Because I'm the one who actually won it. If you ever want to look at it, it'll be in my bedroom.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: Ma, what smells so great?
Sophia: Nothing. Just a little spaghetti sauce I threw together.
Dorothy: Oh, come on. This is your special 14-hour sauce. What's the occasion?
Sophia: Nothing.
Dorothy: Oh, come on. You haven't made this sauce since Uncle Dominic married off that daughter of his. You know, the one who looks like Tony Bennett?
Quote from Sophia
Dorothy: Ma, you never told me you were engaged. What happened?
Sophia: The war happened. Augustine went off to fight and I never heard from him again until today.
Rose: I wonder why he looked you up after all this time?
Sophia: Are you kidding? He was crazy about me. I was the only girl in the village who didn't want to be a nun.
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: Hey, hey, hey! How do I look?
Dorothy: Like a widow in mourning.
Sophia: Perfect. He'll know I'm available.
Quote from Sophia
Augustine: My condolences on your husband's passing.
Sophia: Thank you. I've been in mourning 22 years.
Augustine: My wife's been dead 31 years. Philomena Del Nero, she was from our village.
Sophia: Is she the one whose father used to stand outside of town, drink Chianti, and play with a top all day?
Augustine: Yes. He lived with us for two years after we get married. Thank God he drank himself to death.
Quote from Dorothy
Rose: I just think it's amazing that a man would look up his first love after all these years. Well, I wonder why Italian men are so romantic.
Dorothy: It's the tight pants, Rose.
Quote from Rose
Rose: Olga Nielsen is a terrific bowler! They could beat us!
Dorothy: There is no "us," Rose. I am not bowling with you!
Rose: Oh, Dorothy. I don't ask many favors of you, but I'm asking one now. I'm begging. Please, as a friend, be my partner. Blanche has somebody to bowl with. You want somebody to bowl with. I need somebody to bowl with. Please, just say yes and nobody will get hurt.
Dorothy: Oh all right!
Rose: Unless we don't win...
Quote from Dorothy
Sophia: I can't believe you're denying your own mother.
Rose: Denying her what?
Dorothy: Springsteen tickets, Rose.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: Blanche, let's go! Come on, Blanche, let's go! Blanche, wake up. My wife will be home any minute.
Blanche: [waking up] Oh! Where's my shoes? Oh, Dorothy, that was a terrible thing to do!
Dorothy: I'm sorry, but we have to get down to the bowling alley.
Quote from Blanche
Rose: Blanche, do you want to have a side bet with me?
Blanche: Well, I would Rose, but everything you own is so damn ugly.
Quote from Rose
Blanche: Wait a minute, what are you all doing here? We're supposed to be sharing this alley with the Nielsen twins.
Rose: They had to drop out to go to Lars' funeral.
Dorothy: I thought Lars' funeral was yesterday.
Rose: It was, but he requested an authentic Viking funeral and every time they tried to set him and his ship on fire, the Coast Guard kept putting it out. They had to reschedule for today.
Quote from Rose
Blanche: Rose, take that off.
Rose: What?
Blanche: You are wearing my bowling outfit.
Rose: Why, I do believe you're right. Oh, don't worry about it, honey, nobody will notice. It looks so different on a woman with a full bosom.
Blanche: Don't you throw your bosom in my face!
Quote from Rose
Dorothy: This is embarrassing! Get back out there!
Blanche: No, I don't want to. I just hate bowling. All I ever wanted to do is look cute in my new outfit.
Rose: We all look cute in your new outfit! [Rose and Sophia shake their bodies in Blanche's outfit]
Quote from Dorothy
Sophia: That means I'm going.
Dorothy: You go, honey, and with my blessing.
Sophia: I'm touched. Do I have your 1200 bucks?
Dorothy: You have my blessing and you have my money.
Sophia: For another thousand, I could go first class.
Dorothy: Arrivederci.
Quote from Sophia
Sophia: So Augie and I took a bus to Palermo to look up our old friend Teresa DiFino. We spent two hours on the bus. Another hour looking for her house. We finally find the house, knock on the door, and what do you know? She died.
Dorothy: Ma, it happens.
Sophia: That morning!