Sophia: Pay attention. You're in for a treat.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, not another act.
Sophia: No, Dorothy, not just another act, the act. I've taken a classic and reworked it Sophia-style. [plays taped piano music, sings] Thanks for the Medicare For Blue Cross and Blue Shield For a hip that finally healed Remember on prescriptions Generic is a steal We thank you so much. [stops] Okay, what do you think? Now, don't hold back. I can take the criticism.
Blanche: Depressing.
Dorothy: Awful.
Rose: Stinky.
Sophia: Go to hell, all of you!
Dorothy: Actually, she took it better than I had expected.

Blanche: Dorothy, I've been talking to that good-looking reporter over there. He just got back from Russia. He told me a couple of very interesting things. It snows there in the summertime and they don't have very many attractive women. Do you realize what that means? When we go to Russia, I will have my pick of any man in the country and you can make a snowman in June.

Blanche: Well that solves the mystery. They think Rose is a little kid.
Dorothy: What are we going to do? If she reads that letter to the press she'll humiliate herself.
Blanche: We certainly can't tell those Russians the truth.
Dorothy: Why not?
Blanche: Because they will use it as a propaganda ploy to convince the whole world that all Americans are as dumb as Rose. That would rock the very foundation of our government, undermine our great leaders and potentially topple our entire democracy.
Dorothy: Rocky IV had a profound effect on you, didn't it?

Rose: This is the worst day of my life.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, honey. It's not that bad.
Rose: I made a total fool of myself in front of the press. I'm the laughingstock of the entire country. What am I going to tell my mother?
Dorothy: Your mother's from St. Olaf. She'll understand.

Blanche: "Dear Mr. Gorbachev. My name is Rose Nylund. I'm writing to you because I'm really worried about nuclear war. I hear there are enough bombs to blow up the world 100 times and it scares me. It scares the girls in my cadet troop, too. They talk about what they want to be if they grow up, not when they grow up. That's why I'm asking you to please unplug your bombs. I'll bet my bottom dollar, or in your case, your bottom ruble, that if you called President Reagan, he'd do the same thing. It's just someone has to be first. Thank you. Your friend, Rose Nylund. P.S. [laughs] Don't call the president in the afternoon. I hear that's when he takes naps."
Dorothy: Honey, that was really beautiful. It's a shame that more people don't think like nine-year-olds.

Blanche: [answering phone] Hello? Yes, she is. Rose, for you.
Rose: [taking phone] Hello? Yes. It's the president! Yes, Mr. President. Thank you. Goodbye. [hangs up] The president loved my letter! Oh, I've got to write this down in my diary right now. [exits]
Sophia: [enters] I just figured out what I'm gonna do for the talent contest.
Blanche: What, Sophia?
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: My Reagan impression.

[fantasy:]
Rose: Now I'd like to introduce my friends.
[The crowd chants "Brezhnev"]
Rose: No, no, no. This is Dorothy.
Dorothy: You have a very beautiful country and I have enjoyed my stay here. When it comes down to it, your lives aren't really that different than ours. Except for your toilet paper. No wonder you people always look so grouchy.

Dorothy: Hi, Ma.
Sophia: Give me your watch.
Dorothy: Sure. What do you want it for?
Sophia: I'm working on a magic act for the talent show at the center. [puts the watch in a bag] Abracadabra, one, two, three. [hits it with a hammer]
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: Relax. Dorothy, was your card the ace of spades?
Dorothy: Ma, what the hell are you talking about?
Sophia: I think I got chapter seven and nine mixed up. This watch is broken.
Dorothy: Ma, Stan gave me that watch when we got married!
Sophia: Well, the marriage never worked, why should the watch?

Blanche: What's the matter, honey. Is something wrong?
Rose: I'm concerned about nuclear war.
Dorothy: And just yesterday, her biggest concern was whether Bubbles the chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will.

Dorothy: Okay, Rose, what is this all about?
Rose: You know that Sunshine Cadet troop I've been helping out with? This was done by one of the girls. She calls it "Nuclear Bomb, The Day After." Eight years old and this is the kind of thing that's on her mind.
Blanche: That's unbelievable.
Rose: Well, she wasn't the only one. Three other girls did pictures just like it. I don't understand it.