Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Letter to Gorbachev’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Letter to Gorbachev

306. Letter to Gorbachev

Aired October 31, 1987

When Rose learns that the young girls on her cadet troop are worried about nuclear war, she takes it upon herself to write to President Reagan and Premier Gorbachev expressing her concerns.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Oh, honey, it's not so uncommon. I mean, kids hear about nuclear war on TV. They read it in the papers. It's part of their lives. They can't help but think about it.
Rose: Oh, it's so sad. When I was eight years old I was just worried about the usual childhood things. How much would the tooth fairy leave me? What would I get from Santa? Would I ever be chosen Small Curd Cottage Cheese Queen.
Blanche: I'm only doing this because I have some more coffee left to drink. Small Curd Cottage Cheese Queen?
Rose: It's our town's biggest honor, right after-
Dorothy & Blanche: Large Curd Cottage Cheese Queen.

Rate

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Anyway, I've got bigger problems. I don't have an act for the talent show.
Blanche: Talent show? Can I be in it?
Sophia: Blanche, what you're talented at isn't generally done on a stage. This isn't downtown Saigon.

Quote from Blanche

[fantasy:]
Rose: And this is my friend Blanche.
Blanche: Hello, you all. I have had such a great time here that I would like to express my appreciation to Premier Gorbachev on this special day. [singing seductively] Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday Mr. Number One Communist, Happy birthday to you...

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, will you do me a favor and forget about the talent show? You're just gonna end up with egg on your face like last year.
Blanche: What did you do last year, Sophia?
Sophia: What are you, deaf? She just told you. I tried to juggle eggs.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Okay, honey, tell us what's wrong.
Rose: What does this picture look like to you?
Blanche: Uh, me sitting on a throne dressed as Cleopatra, watching while two naked men wrestle to see who gets to make love to me.
Rose: It's the end of the world.
Blanche: Only for the loser.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Well, the Indian cries out from his heart. That's the worst kind of cry.
Linda: My father's a surgeon. That's physiologically impossible. How can we be drawn into the story if you're misrepresenting the facts.
Dorothy: Honey, it's a make-believe, scary camp out story.
Linda: Ooh, real scary.
Dorothy: You want scared, kid? You keep it up.
Linda: My mother's a lawyer. Threaten me again and I'll own your house.
Dorothy: Your father's a doctor, your mother's a lawyer. What are you, one of the Cosby kids?

Quote from Dorothy

Alexi: Would you please make sure Rose receives this note?
Dorothy: Wait, you can't be serious. Why would the premier of Russia want to see Rose?
Alexi: He was quite moved by her letter. He wishes to extend an invitation to her and her family to visit Moscow and discuss nuclear disarmament and world peace. We'll be in touch. Thank you. [exits]
Dorothy: Oh, this has to be some kind of joke.
Blanche: No, it isn't. Look at this. This is an official document to Rose from the premier of Russia.
Dorothy: But why would he want to meet the same woman who once said, "If the city of Atlantis is lost, how can Bobby Vinton appear there twice a year?"

Quote from Rose

[fantasy:]
Announcer: We interrupt this dream for a special news report.
Edwin Newman: Good evening, I'm Edwin Newman. The eyes of the entire world were on Moscow today as Rose Nylund continued her mission of peace. It was 15 days ago that Mrs. Nylund wrote the now historic letter that captured the attention of Premier Gorbachev. Today she was in Red Square capturing the hearts and minds of the Russian people. We switch now to Moscow.
[The crowd chants "Rose"]
Rose: Thank you. I want you to know Dr. Zhivago is my favorite movie of all time.

Quote from Sophia

[fantasy:]
Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing here?
Sophia: Thanks a lot for leaving me home. Lucky I found this nice German kid who flew me to Red Square. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I know you're dying to hear my act, so I'll get right to it. I just flew in from Miami and boy, I've got to tell you, your Moscow was one clean town. No litter on the streets and all the bugs are in the American Embassy.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Rose, honey, there is nothing to be nervous about. Honey, the press wants to meet you because Gorbachev really respects your views on world peace. Boy, when you say it out loud it really sort of lays there.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Pay attention. You're in for a treat.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, not another act.
Sophia: No, Dorothy, not just another act, the act. I've taken a classic and reworked it Sophia-style. [plays taped piano music, sings] Thanks for the Medicare For Blue Cross and Blue Shield For a hip that finally healed Remember on prescriptions Generic is a steal We thank you so much. [stops] Okay, what do you think? Now, don't hold back. I can take the criticism.
Blanche: Depressing.
Dorothy: Awful.
Rose: Stinky.
Sophia: Go to hell, all of you!
Dorothy: Actually, she took it better than I had expected.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Dorothy, I've been talking to that good-looking reporter over there. He just got back from Russia. He told me a couple of very interesting things. It snows there in the summertime and they don't have very many attractive women. Do you realize what that means? When we go to Russia, I will have my pick of any man in the country and you can make a snowman in June.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well that solves the mystery. They think Rose is a little kid.
Dorothy: What are we going to do? If she reads that letter to the press she'll humiliate herself.
Blanche: We certainly can't tell those Russians the truth.
Dorothy: Why not?
Blanche: Because they will use it as a propaganda ploy to convince the whole world that all Americans are as dumb as Rose. That would rock the very foundation of our government, undermine our great leaders and potentially topple our entire democracy.
Dorothy: Rocky IV had a profound effect on you, didn't it?

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: This is the worst day of my life.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, honey. It's not that bad.
Rose: I made a total fool of myself in front of the press. I'm the laughingstock of the entire country. What am I going to tell my mother?
Dorothy: Your mother's from St. Olaf. She'll understand.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: "Dear Mr. Gorbachev. My name is Rose Nylund. I'm writing to you because I'm really worried about nuclear war. I hear there are enough bombs to blow up the world 100 times and it scares me. It scares the girls in my cadet troop, too. They talk about what they want to be if they grow up, not when they grow up. That's why I'm asking you to please unplug your bombs. I'll bet my bottom dollar, or in your case, your bottom ruble, that if you called President Reagan, he'd do the same thing. It's just someone has to be first. Thank you. Your friend, Rose Nylund. P.S. [laughs] Don't call the president in the afternoon. I hear that's when he takes naps."
Dorothy: Honey, that was really beautiful. It's a shame that more people don't think like nine-year-olds.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: [answering phone] Hello? Yes, she is. Rose, for you.
Rose: [taking phone] Hello? Yes. It's the president! Yes, Mr. President. Thank you. Goodbye. [hangs up] The president loved my letter! Oh, I've got to write this down in my diary right now. [exits]
Sophia: [enters] I just figured out what I'm gonna do for the talent contest.
Blanche: What, Sophia?
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: My Reagan impression.


 Episode 305 Episode 307 
  Select another episode