Dorothy: Oh, honey, it's not so uncommon. I mean, kids hear about nuclear war on TV. They read it in the papers. It's part of their lives. They can't help but think about it.
Rose: Oh, it's so sad. When I was eight years old I was just worried about the usual childhood things. How much would the tooth fairy leave me? What would I get from Santa? Would I ever be chosen Small Curd Cottage Cheese Queen.
Blanche: I'm only doing this because I have some more coffee left to drink. Small Curd Cottage Cheese Queen?
Rose: It's our town's biggest honor, right after-
Dorothy & Blanche: Large Curd Cottage Cheese Queen.

Sophia: Anyway, I've got bigger problems. I don't have an act for the talent show.
Blanche: Talent show? Can I be in it?
Sophia: Blanche, what you're talented at isn't generally done on a stage. This isn't downtown Saigon.

[fantasy:]
Rose: And this is my friend Blanche.
Blanche: Hello, you all. I have had such a great time here that I would like to express my appreciation to Premier Gorbachev on this special day. [singing seductively] Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday Mr. Number One Communist, Happy birthday to you...

Dorothy: Ma, will you do me a favor and forget about the talent show? You're just gonna end up with egg on your face like last year.
Blanche: What did you do last year, Sophia?
Sophia: What are you, deaf? She just told you. I tried to juggle eggs.

Dorothy: Okay, honey, tell us what's wrong.
Rose: What does this picture look like to you?
Blanche: Uh, me sitting on a throne dressed as Cleopatra, watching while two naked men wrestle to see who gets to make love to me.
Rose: It's the end of the world.
Blanche: Only for the loser.

Rose: Well, the Indian cries out from his heart. That's the worst kind of cry.
Linda: My father's a surgeon. That's physiologically impossible. How can we be drawn into the story if you're misrepresenting the facts.
Dorothy: Honey, it's a make-believe, scary camp out story.
Linda: Ooh, real scary.
Dorothy: You want scared, kid? You keep it up.
Linda: My mother's a lawyer. Threaten me again and I'll own your house.
Dorothy: Your father's a doctor, your mother's a lawyer. What are you, one of the Cosby kids?

Alexi: Would you please make sure Rose receives this note?
Dorothy: Wait, you can't be serious. Why would the premier of Russia want to see Rose?
Alexi: He was quite moved by her letter. He wishes to extend an invitation to her and her family to visit Moscow and discuss nuclear disarmament and world peace. We'll be in touch. Thank you. [exits]
Dorothy: Oh, this has to be some kind of joke.
Blanche: No, it isn't. Look at this. This is an official document to Rose from the premier of Russia.
Dorothy: But why would he want to meet the same woman who once said, "If the city of Atlantis is lost, how can Bobby Vinton appear there twice a year?"

[fantasy:]
Announcer: We interrupt this dream for a special news report.
Edwin Newman: Good evening, I'm Edwin Newman. The eyes of the entire world were on Moscow today as Rose Nylund continued her mission of peace. It was 15 days ago that Mrs. Nylund wrote the now historic letter that captured the attention of Premier Gorbachev. Today she was in Red Square capturing the hearts and minds of the Russian people. We switch now to Moscow.
[The crowd chants "Rose"]
Rose: Thank you. I want you to know Dr. Zhivago is my favorite movie of all time.

[fantasy:]
Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing here?
Sophia: Thanks a lot for leaving me home. Lucky I found this nice German kid who flew me to Red Square. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I know you're dying to hear my act, so I'll get right to it. I just flew in from Miami and boy, I've got to tell you, your Moscow was one clean town. No litter on the streets and all the bugs are in the American Embassy.

Dorothy: Rose, honey, there is nothing to be nervous about. Honey, the press wants to meet you because Gorbachev really respects your views on world peace. Boy, when you say it out loud it really sort of lays there.