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‘Strange Bedfellows’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Strange Bedfellows

307. Strange Bedfellows

Aired November 7, 1987

Blanche is the center of attention when she is photographed at the house of a local politician, who claims they had an affair.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Get away from me, you bloodhounds. I have nothing to say to you. Except this: From now on, when my name appears in print, it had better read "Blanche Devereaux, 39".

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Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Bruno Bonofiglio.
Dorothy: Ma! I was asleep!
Sophia: So was I. That's when it came to me. Picture this. Sicily, 1922. The village is in a terrible wine crisis. It's the peak of the wine season. And all our grape stompers are ravaged by an outbreak of athlete's foot. Soon the Chianti has a green hue and tastes like Desenex. They call in Sicily's foremost podiatrist, Bruno Bonofiglio. He's the one who prescribed arch supports for Mussolini.
Dorothy: Must have really helped his lower back when they hung him by his heels.
Sophia: Forget him. I'm talking about Bruno Bonofiglio. I take one look at him, and I have a hunch he's trouble. But nobody believes me. So, what happens? He cures everybody and wine sales skyrocket.
Dorothy: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Ma. Unless I'm missing something, your hunch was wrong.
Sophia: My hunches are never wrong. Now, everyone is living high on the hog and eating rich foods. The next thing you know, there's a gout epidemic. Nobody can stomp grapes. And Bruno makes a killing selling orthopedic sandals.
Dorothy: Don't tell me. He went to America, and changed his name to Dr. Scholl.
Sophia: No. Actually, he developed a foot fetish and suffocated when he shoved his head in a lady's rubber boot.
Dorothy: Ma, don't ever wake me up again.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: You know, Gil Kessler doesn't stand a chance of winning.
Dorothy: Ah, who says?
Sophia: The Miami Post, the Miami Journal, the Miami tribune, and Miami's own, Sophia Petrillo.

Quote from Rose

Rose: [to a silent Dorothy] I woke you up, didn't I? And I better have a good reason. Well, I do. I got a great idea for Gil's campaign. I'm these making bird feeders with his name on them to send around. And you think that's a dumb idea. And you feel like taking this bird feeder away from me. And smashing it with this hammer. Like this.

Quote from Rose

Sophia: They caught Gil Kessler having an affair.
Dorothy: Oh, you're kidding. With whom?
Rose: They don't know her name. But look. They hid in the bushes and took this picture of her from behind going into his house.
Dorothy: I don't believe it. Wait a minute, that looks like Blanche's red dress.
Sophia: And those look like Blanche's red shoes.
Dorothy: And aren't they her diamond earrings and gold bracelet?
Rose: That little floozy stole Blanche's clothes.
Dorothy: It's like having Agatha Christie right here in our kitchen.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, my God. My backside is spread all across the front page. How could they do that?
Sophia: They probably used a wide-angle lens.
Blanche: If I'd known I was being photographed, I would've turned around and smiled.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Listen, Blanche, ruining a man's career for a one night stand is hardly something to make light of.
Blanche: Oh, now, wait a minute. You girls don't believe this. Well, I mean I'm not denying that's me in the photograph, but I am denying that anything happened. I just dropped off his folder.
Dorothy: Then why does it say here that you were in his house for two hours?
Blanche: We were just talking.
Rose: Then why does it say, "The explosion was so great, it shattered windows in the building next door."
Dorothy: Rose, that's an article about an earthquake in Guatemala!

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Look at this picture of Kessler, Dorothy. There's a secret behind those eyes. Trust my hunch on this one. I'm never wrong.
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma. Remember your hunch about your nephew, Angelo? You said one day he'd be Pope.
Sophia: Dorothy, you gotta pay attention. I said one day, he'd sell dope. What do you think he went to Attica for, the volleyball program?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: I don't believe this. He just lied. Dorothy, Rose? Well, don't you girls believe me? Sophia?
Sophia: I believe you, Blanche. Absolutely. [on the phone] Hello? I need a number for People magazine. The department that buys stories about politicians who sleep with sleazy broads. [to Blanche] Don't worry, it's not about you.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: [answering phone] Hello. Yes, this is Blanche Devereaux. Yes, that Blanche Devereaux. And no, I did not. Absolutely not. I will tell it to a judge, I will yell it from the highest mountain, I will swear to it on a stack of Bibles. [to Dorothy & Rose] Now, did that sound like a liar?
Dorothy: No. It sounded like Jim and Tammy Faye on Nightline.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: [answering phone] Hello? Yes, this is Blanche, and how did you get this number? And better yet, why am I even talking to you? I don't like you. Matter of fact, I hate you. You can just tear up my number and then go climb back under your slimy rock with all the rest of your slimy friends. And don't you ever call here again. [hangs up] Dorothy, call Stan.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Hi, Blanche. Blanche, I said hello.
Blanche: I don't normally speak to people who call me a liar.
Dorothy: Now look, Blanche, we're in public now. There's no reason to be hostile.
Blanche: Oh, yes, there is. I don't like you.
Dorothy: And horizontal stripes make you look like Roger Ebert.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I'm still confused about the operation Gil Kessler had. Is the man asleep during it?
Dorothy: I think so, Rose.
Rose: And what about the parts they put on? Do they test them first?
Dorothy: Of course, Rose, you know, like windshield wipers.
Rose: So they work.
Dorothy: I assume so, yes. [long silence]
Rose: What are they made of?
Dorothy: Silly putty, Rose. I don't know. I don't know, Rose.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I couldn't stay mad at you girls, you know? I did some thinking and I realized I was as much to blame for all this as you all were.
Dorothy: How?
Blanche: Oh, by talking so much. As you know, I've always talked a lot about my men. And, well, sometimes I've stretched the truth just a little. It's an old Southern tradition, storytelling. Just because you didn't have a good time there's no reason to bore your friends with a dull story, you know. So you embellish it, you add a little shading, a little color, a little hot tub. I guess it finally caught up with me. But I do think I've learned my lesson.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Can we have a hug and forget this ever happened?
Blanche: You bet we can. Come here, you two.
Rose: Oh, I'm glad we're friends again. Oh, me too.
Dorothy: Listen, Blanche, now that we have you telling the truth, um... Would you tell us the truth about, um, Bob Fredericks.
Blanche: True, absolutely true.
Rose: How about Howard Asher?
Blanche: True.
Dorothy: Eric Murdock.
Blanche: True, true. He had a twin brother. Would I lie to my two best friends?
[As Dorothy and Rose pull Blanche in for a hug, her fingers are crossed behind her back]

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma. Ma, you promised you'd stay in your room until the meeting was over.
Sophia: Who am I, Alf? I was hungry.
Dorothy: You were spying.
Sophia: So what? He's a wimp, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma. For your information, Gil Kessler is a very bright man, an honest and devoted civic leader. And probably the biggest wimp I've ever known in my life.
Sophia: That's not all. There's something else I don't like about him.
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: I don't know. It's a hunch. I can't put my finger on it. But if I could, I would have to wash it.
Dorothy: Ma, do me one favor. Stay here until we're finished.
Sophia: I can't believe you think your own mother would embarrass you.
Dorothy: It's not that, Ma. ... It's that, Ma.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, I, for one, am gonna do everything in my power to get Gil elected.
Dorothy: Fine. You can start by taking this folder he left to his house.
Blanche: On the other hand, why should I deprive Rose of a chance to be of service.
Rose: All right, but you'll have to wash these dishes.
Blanche: Honey, those dishes are dirty. Okay, I'll deliver the folder. I guess there's no sacrifice too great for a cause you really believe in. I just hope that big stupid jerk reimburses me for gas and mileage.
Dorothy: There goes a great American.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Don't you guys just love being involved in politics? Oh, I haven't had this much fun since I worked on the Dewey campaign.
Dorothy: Rose, you worked for Thomas Dewey?
Rose: No, Melville Dewey. The founder of the Dewey Decimal System.


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