Rose: Something wrong, Sophia?
Sophia: I don't believe it. My Dorothy is popular. After 60 years of bargaining with God, it's finally happened. Per our agreement, I'm off to Calcutta to work with the poor.

Blanche: That's why I wanted you to come down and see for yourself. Look at that. The men are practically swarming all over her. Just like she was somebody. I just have to keep reminding myself, I am Blanche Devereaux. I am beautiful, men find me desirable, and my life is over.
Rose: Boy, when the mask falls off, it really makes a thud.

Sophia: Dorothy, how would you like to go to a wake next Friday?
Dorothy: Ma, you know how I feel about those things. They're so sad and depressing. Whose wake is it anyway?
Sophia: Mine.
Dorothy: What time?

Blanche: It all stems from your low self-esteem.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Blanche: Dorothy, if you felt better about yourself you'd want to get out and do more. I have a little exercise I do whenever my self-esteem's kind of low. I say my name and then I list three positive things about myself.
I'm Blanche Devereaux. I'm beautiful, men find me desirable, and people want to be my friend. Go on now, you try.

Dorothy: I'm Dorothy Zbornak. I'm beautiful, men find me desirable, and people want to be my friend.
Blanche: I'm sorry I confused you, honey. You're supposed to say three positive things that apply to you. You know, like you could say, "I'm Dorothy Zbornak. I'm a good speller, and I'm- I'm very prompt and, um" Well, actually, there's- There's no law that says there has to be three.
Dorothy: Actually, I just thought of a third one. I can snap a friend's neck like a twig.

Rose: Oh, girls, we just went to Doug Kirkpatrick's wake. It was the greatest. I can't remember when I had so much fun.
Sophia: Those Irishmen. They even laid out Doug's body in the living room.
Blanche: Oh, that sounds morbid.
Rose: I didn't have a problem with it till one of the relatives got drunk and started slow dancing with the corpse.
But even then it was surprisingly touching.

Dorothy: Blanche, wait, wait, wait. Listen, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
Blanche: Well, nonsense. I promise you're gonna have a good time.
Dorothy: Wait. You're going to introduce me to some of your friends?
Blanche: Yes, if I see anybody I know.
[Dorothy and Blanche enter the bar]
All: Blanche!
Blanche: Hi, everybody!
Roger: Hey, Blanche. How's life?
Blanche: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearin' no underwear

Rose: No, she's serious. Next Friday Sophia's gonna throw her own wake. Food, drinks, music. The only difference will be she'll be alive. God willing.

Sophia: At Doug's wake, people got up and said wonderful things about him. But he wasn't there to hear it. I don't want that to happen to me. I want to hear how people feel about me. I want to be there to listen as they salute my... my grace, my wit, my inner beauty.
Dorothy: Ma, writers cost money.

Rose: I even know a way we can save some money. I'll make the hors d'oeuvres.
Sophia: Some wake. Scandinavian crap on a cracker. I mean, thank you.