Blanche: I can't go in there. I have a thing against dead people. I've never seen one. I never intend to.
Rose: Didn't you see your husband when he was dead?
Blanche: Oh, no. I cannot look at dead people. That's why I don't even watch the news. Every now and then they stick a corpse in on you. You could be watching a perfectly lovely story about Central America, all of a sudden, bam, a dead body.

Rose: I can't sleep in a bed that's had a dead person in it. I just can't!
Dorothy: You'll get a new bed.
Rose: And sheets.
Dorothy: And sheets.
Rose: And a blanket.
Sophia: Burn down the house.

Rose: [on the phone] Hello? Is this Miss Beatty? I beg your pardon? Well, do you have a brother, Al? I see. Well, I must have the wrong number. I'm sorry.
Blanche: Wrong number?
Rose: Right number, wrong person.
Dorothy: What do you mean?
Rose: That wasn't his sister. That was his wife.

Sophia: OK, let's get this show on the road.
Dorothy: Rose, you sure you don't want to come and just watch?
Sophia: Come on, Rose. You'll sit and watch my dentures eat corn on the cob. It's a lot of laughs.

Blanche: Honey, tell us what happened!
Rose: Arnie, I slept with him.
Blanche: And?
Rose: He died.
Blanche: What?
Dorothy: Oh, no, Rose.
Rose: And the sheriff, I told him about me, how I kill men and he didn't believe me! He said, "Let's see. Sleep with me." So I did. And the sheriff died. [laughing] Arnie's fine! We had a wonderful time. Everything's terrific. I was only joking!

Dorothy: [to Rose] Honey, you sure you're gonna be all right here alone?
Sophia: She'll be fine. If someone breaks in, she'll just have to sleep with them.

Rose: He's not dead but he'll wish he was when those two barge in on him.
Blanche: Who is he?
Rose: His name is Al.
Blanche: No, I mean, what's he do?
Rose: He imports diamonds.
Blanche: Oh, damn, I hope he's not dead.

Blanche: All right, try this dressing and tell me what you think. It's called Creamy Zesty Italian, only has one calorie.
Dorothy: Mmm. If you ran it under the faucet, it would have more flavor.
Blanche: Shoot.
Dorothy: Honey, beware of anyone who says, "no calories," "absolutely no charge," and, "let's just lie down on the bed and watch television."

Rose: There are many women who live happy lives without men.
Blanche: Oh, who?
Rose: Well, Inga Lundqvist.
Blanche: Who was she, some Swedish lesbian?
Rose: She was a neighbor of ours.
Dorothy: Not, by chance, the one who shredded her husband with some farm machinery?
Rose: Yes, and she never remarried. And she led a very happy rest of her life baking, sewing, gardening, tending the animals.
Blanche: Ooh, my favorite things.

Rose: Well, what do you think?
Blanche: Of what, honey?
Rose: My new dress.
Blanche: Oh, is that new?
Rose: Yes.
Blanche: It's sort of old-fashioned looking. I wasn't sure it was new.
Rose: Oh, that's the style. The girl told me.
Blanche: And what was she, a pilgrim?