Rose: Relax. It'll all be over tomorrow.
Dorothy: If I make it that far. I think I caught something practicing out in the rain.
Rose: So did I. Gee, I hope none of the boys caught it.
Sophia: Don't worry about it. Those boys can't catch anything. I've seen them practice.

Sophia: I'm taking over. Wish me luck.
Dorothy: Ma, you don't know anything about football.
Sophia: Please. What's to know? You hit a guy, you grab the pigskin, you run like crazy. It's like shopping in Sicily.

Blanche: I'm so glad we're friends again.
Dorothy: Oh, honey, of course we are.
Blanche: And by the way, I have never asked you what it is y'all have.
Rose: Oh, we're not sure. All we know is it makes your skin blotchy, and your eyes puffy and your cheeks swollen. And you get heart palpitations.
Blanche: Good thing for those palpitations, otherwise you might never have known you even had it.

Sophia: OK, here's the game plan. We keep it on the ground. Then, when they're used to it on the ground, we attack them through the air. I've used the same formula for 60 years of lovemaking. Trust me, it works.

Blanche: Would it be rude of me to ask just what that picture is you have of me?
John: Oh, well... You make me laugh, so you got a terrific smile.
Blanche: Yes.
John: You're smart and thoughtful, so you've got beautiful eyes.
Blanche: Yes.
John: And you're a music lover, so you've got a big behind.
Blanche: Ye- No!
John: Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Billy: Boy, I hate being small.
Sophia: Hey, being small isn't all bad. Take it from someone who knows.
Billy: You mean you?
Sophia: You see Billy Barty sitting here? There are big advantages to being small. One, you never outgrow your clothes. Two, you seldom bump your head. Three, the world thinks you're cute. You think Danny DeVito got to be famous with his good looks? There's nothing wrong with being small, kid, but it is wrong to cheat. If you learn in life to follow the rules and play fair, you'll be heads above the crowd.
BIlly: You know, Sophia, all of a sudden I feel so much better.
Sophia: I had a feeling at your age a good cliche would work. Now eat this.
Billy: What is it?
Sophia: That's a meatball and pepper sandwich. If that doesn't put the weight on you, nothing will. OK, get suited up.

Dorothy: Oh, this is disgusting.
Sophia: What's disgusting?
Dorothy: Your cure for the flu.
Sophia: Hey, that remedy's been in our family for generations.
Rose: And it always works?
Sophia: Always. Of course, I never saw anyone eat it before. Usually, you just throw a glop on the vaporizer.

Dorothy: Hi, Rose. Hey, how was football practice?
Rose: Terrible. It's the laziest team I've ever seen in my life. They didn't bust their tackles, didn't crack their blocks. They played like a bunch of babies.
Billy: Coach, you dropped your whistle.
Rose: Oh. Thanks, Billy, that was very nice of you. Now you two boys run along home.
Billy: OK. Bye.
Rose: Billy?
Billy: Yes?
Rose: I said run! Move it, you little pantywaist! On the double!

Dorothy: Rose! Rose, take it easy. You're pushing them too hard. Honey, they're only kids.
Rose: Oh, you're right, Dorothy. I've just been under so much pressure. I never would have volunteered if I'd known the work that was involved. I need help.
Sophia: Mostly with your lipstick. Emmett Kelly applied makeup with more finesse.

Blanche: Hi, girls. How's it going? How was practice, Rose? The boys OK? No time to chat now. I'll see y'all later. Bye.
Dorothy: Blanche, you're meeting him again, aren't you?
Blanche: Who, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Who? Who else? Tom Gallagher. Blanche, you're too good for him.
Blanche: Dorothy, I will never understand what it is you have against Tom Gallagher.
Dorothy: He is a shallow insensitive snob who stands you up constantly.
Blanche: Dorothy, there happens to be another side to Tom Gallagher that most people don't see.
Rose: What is it?
Blanche: I don't know. I'm one of those people. But as long as he doesn't give me a dirty look when I order lobster, I don't care.