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‘The Auction’ Quotes Page 1 of 4

The Golden Girls: The Auction

411. The Auction

Aired January 14, 1989

As the girls struggle to get enough money to fix the roof, they decide to buy a painting by a contemptible artist who is reportedly dying, hoping its value will skyrocket.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, morning, Ma. You sleep OK?
Sophia: No. I got up in the middle of the night and there was a puddle in my bed. Do you know how relieved I was to find out the roof was leaking?

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Quote from Rose

Blanche: Girls, look, a mime.
Rose: Oh, I just love a mime. It's all on account of my Uncle Gustav. He was a coal mimer.
Blanche: You mean a coal miner.
Rose: No, a coal mimer. You see, he had a bad back and he didn't want to lose his medical benefits, so every morning he'd go down the shaft and pretend to work.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Let me tell you a story. Picture it. Sardinia, 1932.
Blanche: I thought these stories of yours always took place in Sicily.
Sophia: Can't a person go away for the weekend? Anyway, I'm on a tour of the great caper factories of Sardinia. I was a kooky kid going through my piccata period. A wedge of lemon and a smart answer for everything. Anyway, I was I was slicing an onion when suddenly this big basil tree--
Dorothy: Ma, what the hell are you talking about? You're not making any sense.
Sophia: I was hoping the late hour would help to mask that. I don't have a story about taking advantage of a dead guy for money. I got a great story about a Moroccan and a monkey, but that really comes under the heading of lust.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing in here?
Sophia: The searchlights were out so I tunneled out of my room with a spoon. I couldn't sleep so I'm having some tea. If that's OK with you, Prime Minister Botha?

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, I couldn't sleep either. I had a terrible nightmare.
Sophia: Was it the dream where you're a lonely old woman and your family doesn't want you so they put you in a home and never come to see you or take you out on holidays?
Dorothy: That wasn't my dream.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, right. That was my life.
Dorothy: Ma, please, for the hundredth time, Shady Pines was a beautiful retirement village.
Sophia: Sure, sure. And Attica's known for its topnotch tennis facilities.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Gee, you save a guy's life, and all you get is apple juice and a cookie?

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Oh, hi, Rose. Is the ceiling in your room leaking too?
Rose: No, Dorothy. I just finished milking the cow I keep in my closet. Gee, with only three hours' sleep, I can be as bitchy as you.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Look, we have to do something about the roof. It's getting worse.
Sophia: Forget it. Blanche'll wait for the ceiling to cave in on her before she'll do anything.
Dorothy: Blanche, listen, we have to talk about the roof.
Blanche: Dorothy, I already called the repairman. Last night the damn ceiling caved in on my bedroom. Knocked the Zorro mask right out of poor Ed Rosen's hand.

Quote from Dorothy

Sid LaBass: Well, I don't think I need to go up there. I could see it was a goner when I drove up.
Blanche: Oh, Sid! Well, can't you patch it up or something?
Sid LaBass: Yeah, I could patch it up, but that won't stop more leaks when it rains again.
Rose: What are you trying to say, Sid? You couldn't follow that?
Dorothy: She has trouble following Murder, She Wrote.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Well, goodbye.
Dorothy: Ma, where are you going?
Sophia: It's my day to volunteer at the hospital.
Rose: Oh, Sophia, you know it's really sweet of you to volunteer.
Sophia: I like charity work. Besides, I've got my eye on an eligible doctor for Dorothy. I hope he likes charitable work too.

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