Rose: Well, good night. Sleep tight. See you in the morning light. It's the best light to paint by, you know. Oh, I like this painting. And I'm getting better at it all the time. Pretty soon I'll be able to copy St. Olaf's most famous religious painting, The Last Pancake Breakfast.

Dorothy: Blanche! Honey, what's wrong? You're shaking.
Blanche: I have been humiliated and degraded.
Sophia: Many times. You just figured it out now?
Blanche: The evening started off wonderfully. Donald took me to a beautiful restaurant, and he ordered everything in French, which totally confused our waiter, Chip. Then he took me dancing, and he was a perfect gentleman.
Sophia: Get to the humiliation and degradation part.
Blanche: Then I suggested we go back to his place. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to freshen up. After I had removed all of my clothes I noticed his monogrammed velour bathrobe hanging there. Thinking only of his pleasure, I decided to slip into it. Oh, God, I looked so fetching. I could not wait for him to see me.
So I emerged, framed in the doorway, and slowly let the bathrobe slide from my perfect body. And you know what he said to me? "Put your clothes back on. I'm gonna take you home." How could I ever look him in the eye? Why, I'll never be able to go back to work again. Oh! "Put your clothes back on"? That's the first time anybody's ever said that to me. Well, without shining a flashlight in my face.

Rose: I think it's impossible to paint autumn in St. Olaf.
Dorothy: How come?
Rose: Maybe it's because of the horrible St. Olaf falling leaf story.
Dorothy: Please, Rose. If this is a story about a man named Leif, I don't want to hear it.
Rose: It's not that long-
Dorothy: No.
Rose: It has a surprise ending.
Dorothy: All right, Rose. Just the ending, but keep it short.
Rose: Splat.

Sophia: Dorothy Zbornak, you're in big trouble.
Dorothy: What? What did I do?
Sophia: You lied to me, that's what you did. I was going through your purse and look at what I found. Betting slips. You went to the track again. How could you, Dorothy? I spent the best years of my life trying to give you a sense of moral responsibility.
Dorothy: Ma, what were you doing in my purse?
Sophia: Stealing.

Sophia: Dorothy, it's happening again. You're losing control.
Dorothy: Ma, I really didn't want that job anyway. I don't need that kind of pressure in my life.
Sophia: You know what you're gonna wind up with in your life? Nothing. Then what are you gonna do? Sponge off your kids? Move in with them? Have them take care of you? OK, bad example.

Blanche: Sophia, why are you up?
Sophia: Same reason you're up.
Blanche: You're filled with anxiety?
Sophia: I'm old.
Blanche: I'm not old.
Sophia: Oh, forgive me. I'm supposed to support your vain, narcissistic fantasy that you're still in your forties.
Blanche: It's either that or a big rent raise.

Sophia: I'm just so worried about Dorothy. I keep remembering how bad it was the last time she let this gambling thing take over her life. There was nothing I could do. That's when she hit bottom.
Rose: What happened?
Sophia: Because of her gambling debts, she had to borrow money from loan sharks, and she couldn't pay it back. She came to me crying because she was gonna lose her house. The only way we could get the money was with Sal's life insurance.
Rose: So you killed Sal?
Sophia: Of course not. By the way, what kind of policy do you have? Well, we cashed in the policies and paid the sharks off. But I didn't give Dorothy the money until she agreed to go to Gambler's Anonymous.
Rose: I can understand now why you're deeply upset.
Sophia: Thanks, you human speed bump. Sorry.
Both: We understand.

Rose: Dorothy, I lied to you, too. You could never have used that bank card. You don't have my personal identification number. And you'd never guess it in a thousand years.
Dorothy: Rose, honey, it's right here. You've written it on the card.
Rose: Well, that's because I have trouble guessing it, too.

Dorothy: Actually, Rose, I need cash. Quick. And I'm up to my limit at the automated teller.
Rose: Is this about the phone call you just received?
Dorothy: The phone- Yes, yes. It was the paperboy. I forgot to pay him last week.
Rose: How much do you need?
Dorothy: $250.
Rose: Isn't that kind of a lot for the paperboy?
Dorothy: Rose, the truth is- The truth is, I need the money so my mother can have an operation.
Rose: Sophia needs an operation?
Dorothy: Well, not an actual operation. She's just going to have her face done.
Rose: How's she gonna get it done?
Dorothy: Southwestern, Rose. Look, Rose, I need the money. You're just going to have to trust me.
Rose: Well, of course I trust you. You're my best friend. You can take everything I have.
Dorothy: Well, don't give me everything you have. I mean, all I need is a couple hundred bucks, you know, so that I can-
Rose: Oh, you don't owe me any explanation. Here. I want you to take my bank card, and take as much money as you need, and pay me back whenever you can.
Dorothy: Oh, thanks a lot. And don't you worry, I'll have this money back before you know it.
Rose: Oh, no hurry. I trust you completely.
Dorothy: Yeah, well Rose, I mean, you shouldn't trust anyone completely.
Rose: Dorothy, if I can't trust you, whom can I trust? You're practically a sister to me.
Dorothy: Yeah, well, sisters often lie, Rose. And even best friends take advantage of each other occasionally.
Rose: I don't think so.
Dorothy: Rose, you should. You're being very naive.
Rose: I'm not naive.
Dorothy: Yes, you are. You are being naive now. Don't you see? I'm stealing your money.
Rose: I know, Dorothy. But I was hoping you'd have a hard time taking advantage of somebody who cares about you as much as I do.
Dorothy: I need help, Rose. Oh, God, I hate the lying!

Blanche: His name is Donald Parker Everett. He's the new curator at the museum.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche. Honey, it's not a good idea to go out with someone you work with.
Blanche: Oh, come on, Dorothy. I've heard you talk about Ted the track coach, how sexy and virile he is.
Dorothy: Just talk. I wouldn't dream of going after him.
Sophia: Even if she did, he'd easily outrun her.